HI!!!!!!!!!!
I am new to gye and so grateful that such a community exists.
I have been struggling with Ocd and anxiety for many years and have been to a few therapists over the years. Bh it has gotten better over the years.
But i am still struggling with it and feel anxious through out the day.
The internet and masturbation has become a pain reliever to numb and distract the pain. When i go into Shmutz land and go on the internet it numbs me from any emotional pain that i have and thats why i keep on doing all the shmutz.
I have tried so many times to stop with the shmutz but my emotional pain keeps me going back to the computer  to distract myself.
I wish and pray for the day that I will be 90 days clean from any shmutz and not to use the internet and sex as a self medication.
Anyone else here that can relate to my strugle?
Any Ideas?

Welcome! You have found the right place!

Yes i can very much relate to your struggles. Its very hard going through Rough emotions and not going for the easy route out. As a matter of fact its excruciating.

First of all i would like to validate what your going through. Its more then just a spiritual struggle, its a emotional struggle and its a hard struggle. A very hard struggle, so im sending a virtual hug. (did you get it?) 

Secondly as for ideas, coming up with healthier ways to lessen your emotional pain can definitely be a first step. For example finding people that share your difficulty and reaching out to them when your feelings are getting tough. Playing ball and getting to know the guys that play. Getting into a hobby and socializing with others about it. Being open and vulnerable to others about your ocd and enxiety struggles (like you bravely did here).

These are some ideas. Im sure others will have much more to say.
Feel free PMing me.

Emotional pain often leads people to act out. When we feel emotional pain, it's important to try to pinpoint the cause. Once we've pinpointed it, we can than ask ourselves: "Is acting-out going to 'solve' this?" - "Can it take away the 'cause' of my pain?".
The answer to this question usually is: "Not only will it not solve this issue, but I'll only be getting more pain". When we train ourselves to think like this, it will help you direct your pain away from acting-out. This is one way you can choose to "respond" to emotional pain.

When we realize that the situation is out of our control, it is easier for us to come to the awareness of Hashem, who has our best interest in mind, and does only for our good. When a situation is in our control, we tend to magnify our effect on it - and we forget that He only gave us a "part" in it. (In reality, we never really have control over anything!) But in a situation where it's clear we have no control, we're given an easy opportunity to surrender ourselves to Hashem. This is our acceptance. We accept that there is nothing we can do, but only to rely on Hashem.

No level of comfort is good enough to replace "acceptance". We can continue upping the dosage level of our "drug of choice", but at the end of the day, if we haven't got some basic level of acceptance, all of this comfort will be in vain.

Now, if our "comfort" is detached from our "acceptance" (and it is!), it can numb our awareness, interfere, and block us from this "acceptance". In actuality, our comfort works against us. Instead of attaining a "true comfort", we're left with something meaningless, temporary, and full of hot air; something that will numb our minds to reality. We can't attain this "true comfort" as long as we are still fixed on the comfort we find in lust.

Welcome. Continue posting and get connected with the chevra here.

Thanks for responding
It feels great to have somesomeone validate your feelings
Let's keep in touch

Hi David
So true that we can't find true comfort when we find our comfort in last.
I'm loolooking forward to finding comfort by accepting that hashem is in control.
P.s.
I can tellyou have done some 12 steps work. How can I join such a program?