It’s very lonely out there especially for those of us that have these hidden struggles. Please know that many of us have been exactly where you are. We understand and feel for you. There will be better times.

Depression on top of these struggles is common but also confusing. Try to focus on the positive that you are doing- you are still concerned about davening!

Recognizing and expressing how you are feeling is a very positive thing. Hopefully you can engage with someone here who can help lift your spirits.

I masturbated twice on motzi shabbos and once this morning. A record large amount of times. On shabbos I rarely have such problems, Boruch Hashem, but shortly after shabbos went out I started fantasizing. For some reason, when it comes down to it, I never remember to use delaying tactics. I decide to do it and I do. Feeling a bit like junk, but I will start again and with hashem's help I can succeed.

Goldfish wrote on 13 Feb 2022 14:09:

Hey let’s try get this to work, so you can break free and start Trucking with us

“I will start again”
Start what?

Good point. I'll try to keep busy and talk to Hashem every so often. Otherwise I don't have a proper battle plan.

Goldfish wrote on 13 Feb 2022 16:37:

Maybe when you talk to Hashem, ask him to help you create a solid plan..

“If You Fail to Plan, You Are Planning to Fail” — Benjamin Franklin.

DavidT wrote on 13 Feb 2022 17:33:

Seems there’s some hacking happening right now. 
What is going on here - did this become Gd.Y.E?

I mean just message 800-GdTxtMe and you’ll be cured before the day ends. 

Who needs GYE?

Ultimately, only Hashem can overcome the struggle for us. As Chazal say: “If Hashem doesn’t help him, he cannot overcome him” (the Yetzer Hara). But, in order for Hashem to fight for us, we need to acknowledge that we can’t do it alone, and we need to connect with Hashem in a very fundamental way and learn a complete dependency on Him; much as baby depends on its mother. 

The highest level of closeness to Hashem is achieved through prayer. Chazal tell us that our אמהות (Matriarchs) were barren because Hashem desired their prayers. Some would ask, is it fair that the אמהות should suffer because Hashem wanted their prayers? That question stems from a lack of understanding and appreciation of how great it is to get close to Hashem. Our entire purpose in this world is to get as close to Hashem as possible. Through their prayers, the אמהות achieved the highest levels of קרבת  אלוקים (closeness to Hashem).

The Steipler writes regarding these tests, that some people need to daven 50 times a day to be protected.

DavidT wrote on 13 Feb 2022 19:21:

So then again, I humbly ask my dear friend - If that’s the case why do we need GYE?

In other words GF shared “I don't have a proper battle plan”, and I believe, instead of focusing on prayer (which we all need - of course) you would do a lot more justice by sharing your battle plan with another struggler and showing him how you succeeded, and then maybe he’ll decide to try some goodies out too :-)

My$0.02

Just suggesting that maybe R' Goldfish could share his fishbowl with a chaver. Having a partner makes the swim that much more enjoyable and safe from predators....

Markz wrote on 14 Feb 2022 10:42:

Markz, I really appreciate your thoughts and the opportunity to have this dialog with you.   We need GYE to make this world a better place by bringing all possible ideas to the table for each person to try and see what works for him then we work together as brothers who support each other. 

Another point, prayer is actually not just a side thing, it's a fundamental tool in recovery and in avodas hashem. 

The Maharal writes (see attached) , that as long as a person believes he can overcome the Yetzer Hara himself, he will fail. This is because he is pitting his strength against the strength of the Yetzer Hara, like two people who are fighting with each other. The Yetzer Hara is an angel of G-d, and we are mere mortals. Obviously, the angel will overcome the mortal. The only one who is stronger than this angel is Hashem himself. He alone can help us overcome the Yetzer Hara.

And the key to this, is prayer. Every day, and especially when the Yetzer Hara strikes, we must cry out in our hearts to Hashem: "I can't do this without you Hashem. Only you can take these burning desires away from me. I give my struggle over to you, Hashem. Help me to see the beauty in you, not in flesh and blood. Help me to transfer my lust and love to you".

ואני נתתי לך שכם אחד על אחיך אשר לקחתי מיד האמורי בחרבי ובקשתי.
ותרגומו בצלותי ובבעותי

DavidT wrote on 14 Feb 2022 15:40:


No question!

But here’s a question.
Is Tefilla betzibur on a different league than private prayer?

Yes?
Ok, so you agree that team playing makes the the world of a difference and that’s a concept I believe we should try to encourage, as HHM wrote 

Markz wrote on 14 Feb 2022 16:37:

As I wrote in the past...
 "Mikol melamdai hiskalti,"  "From all of my teachers I have learned."
THANK YOU!

Thank you everyone for your input. I just wanted to share that yesterday my mother went out and I was pretty sure that she'd left the computer on. Instead of automatically going to check, because I'd just been on this site, I resisted for about half a minute or more before checking. (it was off, boruch hashem.) It made me feel so good about myself.
(BTW if anyone has a good picture of goldfish I'd appreciate if you could send it to me as my picture and name don't match well. Thanks)

so, on my recent trip to the mainland, i had planned to rendevouz with some folks of ill repute and engage in some inappropriate behavior. many of my confidants, upon hearing of this plan, told me, "you know, this doesn't need to happen, you can stop this," and my response was that it's a done deal - my mind and body are made up (perhaps this is the "need" that the rebbe shlit"a keeps warning us about?). and then one particular caring individual said to me, "you may be right, and that's the clear direction this snowball to hell is rolling, but there is always a miracle." my response was that miracles do not happen to me. i'd like to report that two miracles (in a sense) actually happened. one was that it was realized that the first encounter would be way too sketchy and risky and it should be called off (which i did), and the second encounter was cancelled on account of a sudden back pain that needed to be addressed by a chiropractor, and extreme bed rest was called for.

now, i'm not gonna tell you that i didn't make other plans, but i will say this: falling is never a foregone conclusion, and even if you're like me that you're not on a level to pray for a miracle, at the very least you should know that it may just happen (and knowing that can give you that extra nudge and steer you in the right direction).

reef bar, outside the menen hotel, back in nauru

Goldfish wrote on 14 Feb 2022 18:42:

Here's a choice of images...