Goldfish wrote on 30 May 2022 15:30:

Hey Goldfish. It sounds like you might need to work on understanding how thoughts work. There are good books on intrusive thoughts that might help you. The idea is that just because a thought comes into your mind, you do not have to continue thinking about it. I know this will sound obvious to some, but to those who struggle with intrusive thoughts, this is not at all obvious. If you have something else to think about, you can simply move on.
For example, someone says something that makes your mind turn towards a lustful thought. Okay, now your there. Next step? Simply move on to the next task at hand in your day!

I am convinced this is the only way to handle unwanted thoughts. Is it hard? At first.

There is a book titled You Can Be Happy No Matter What which I found very helpful in controlling, or more accurately, redirecting, my thoughts. He is discussing being happy and not having thoughts that make you depressed. After reading 5Uu80*cdwB#^'s post, maybe it is something that can work for this issue too. His ideas are very much based on this idea from 5Uu80*cdwB#^.

not coping.shavuos was alright. feeling so aroused now. I want to masturbate. I got my 30 day streak. what more could i need.....

Goldfish wrote on 07 Jun 2022 15:59:

You need (and you deserve) one thing...
TODAY!
That's all... You have 30 clean days, so give yourself a treat, "one day clean". We'll discuss the acting out for tomorrow.

FYI i did fall. maybe i'll get up again. not feeling so well. I just don't believe its ever going to be possible to hold of longer.

i'm sorry that you are not feeling well. when you are ready to get back up (hopefully soon!) hashem will be right there waiting to help you get up. That doesn't mean it won't be work, it just means that you should never feel that you are alone in this struggle.

try reading the addendum to chapter 10 in the battle of the generation (its in the back) .... i believe that may be very helpful for you.

I am sorry to here that you are not feeling well. But where did this "belief" of yours come into the picture. You did not fail. You succeeded for 30 days. That is a complete success that cannot be taken away.

Goldfish wrote on 07 Jun 2022 17:40:

(I didn't read your whole thread to see if this is your first time reaching 30)
In my person experience, around 30 days, and around 60 days are harder. I think the body is used to the physical release. That's why the urge gets stronger, and even if you don't give in to it, many have wet dreams at that point. But once you ride the wave of the urge, and it eventualy goes away, it becomes easier as time goes by. This was my personal experience that many seem to share.
Point is, its natural, nothing to beat yourself up over. Just start again. Ride the waves. Sometimes obsessing over counting days can actually cause the problems, so don't give it too much thought. Get busy with life.

yechielmichel wrote on 07 Jun 2022 19:18:

Excellent post.  In addition, the second 30 is easier than the first 30. The body is being trained to live happily without it...

Just to clarify better my position at the moment. 2 days ago i masturbated but yesterday i did much worse. I wasted a relatively large amount of money and bought a small device with browsing access. After a few hours of looking at revolting content of extreme sexual nature i destroyed it beyond repair. Its not the first time I've done it. i have eliminated most options so successfully that the only solution when i'm craving it is to waste a large amount of money. Anyway, today has been relatively well but I don't believe in myself so i don't really imagine myself mannaging long term but with hashem's help everything is possible. thanks everyone for your support.

One cannot diagnose from an anonymous forum, so please take what i write with more than a few grains of salt. 



What you describe sounds like the actions of an addict. You wrote that you have done this in the past as well - spending a large amount of money to by a device and then destroy it shortly after. If this has happened a few times it probably would be advisable to get a sponsor from SA involved. SA works BH very well for the great guys who are addicts and honest about it. SA is not a death sentence - it is a lifesaver for those who need it. Of course this post is just my opinion.

I would also add some identifying Characteristics of Sex and Porn Addicts, so you can review and try to identify where you stand...

1. Addicts use sexual fantasy and masturbation to avoid feelings.
2. Compulsive sexuality becomes a drug, used to escape emotional and psychological discomfort.
3. porn addicts can be frozen by romantic and sexual obsessions, neglecting other aspects of life.
4. Sex and porn become a distraction, a time-killer, a reward, and a punishment.
5. Porn are used as a replacement for self-esteem, (temporarily) helping users feel validated and complete.
6. porn is used for intensity and excitement, and to cover ever-increasing feelings of emptiness.
7. sex is compartmentalized, rather than holistically integrated into life.
8. Sexually compulsive people struggle to distinguish between sex, love, and affection.
9. Other people are idealized and endowed with “magical” qualities, with the magic disappearing after acting out.
10. addicts are often drawn to emotionally unavailable and/or abusive partners.
11. In relationships, addicts feel smothered. Out of relationships, they feel empty and incomplete.
12. addicts often find that the desperation of their need to connect makes true intimacy nearly impossible.
13. When  addicts are in a relationship, it’s not enough for them, and they continue to chase other people and relationships.
14. Addicts, no matter how many relationships they’re in and how much sex they’re having, feel isolated and alone.

I haven't been doing very well. I am getting more convinced i might have addictive tendencies, but the likelihood of me doing SA is not very high. I am also not doing well in other areas of life such as keeping my diet up so its hard to know whats the cause and whats the effect. I have problems with connecting with the reality around me and that might be a factor in my other problems.

Keep up the good work. I mean it. You have in your signature that you won't give up. As long as you keep going. You are going in the right direction.

When I told my rebbi that I think I was not simply struggling, but I was addicted. He told me so what. Even a complete addict has the ability to change, even if it may be a little harder. There is no point of no return. It may be that you need outside help, אין חבוש מתיר עצמו מבית האסורים. This is once a person is "locked" in his problems. But even if someone is there, there is always work you can do yourself. No one will actually help you, they will help you help yourself. (I probably sound like my rebbi and therapist mixed in one. sorry about that.)

I remember reading on GYE somewhere that lack of connection causes p and m, which in turn increases problems in connection. It is a dangerous cycle. I assume that there are many other things that are very similar, like dieting, although to a lesser degree. The question is giving up a short-term pleasure for a long term gain is difficult if you do not have the connection to reality. And instead of confronting your issue directly, we tend to just deny the reality and keep the cycle.
The solution is generally working on connecting to people around you. This idea of connecting with people is to keep us connected to the real world around us. And as they say the opposite of addiction is not sobriety; the opposite of addiction is connection. 

How have you been able to avoid the trigger that are caused by this site now as apposed to before?