Hello Guys, I know this is not the typical question to appear here(and if it dont belong here please tell me where should i post it): I’m BT, and bh i was able to stop with this issue very early during my teshuvah path, my problem is a different one: bc im so sensitive(since i the last time i watched porn was 7 years ago bh), its very easy for me to get an erection, without wanting to, when the situation is arousing. I’ve been in shidduchim for a few months now, and i have started dating this girl (shomer of course) a few weeks ago. I really enjoy being with her, we’ve never spoken anything inappropiate, but i still get erections(which i hide) when im with her. The problem is that after the dates, i feel discomfort in that area, and a few internet searches told me this is called “epydidimal hypertension”, which is usually relieved by “doing it”(which is definitely out of the table). I’m guessing i’m not the only one who’s been through this, can anyone share tips for relieving this pain? 
Thanks!

Hi N11 and glad to see you here. 

So the first thing I would say is that everyone is different. I too feel the pain of an erection but I probably wouldn't give it a medical name. I'd just say it is, what it is. However, if giving it a medical term helps you, that's cool. However, it could be you experience it worse than I do... hence my point - we're all different. 

So, back to the point. I can't offer medical advice if it is a medical issue. i can say that many men have painful erections and that thankfully, i don't think I've heard of any with long terms issues. So, i reckon it might be ok to try and break through?

Also, I guess it is possible it's your body's way of trying to get you to masturbate?

Welcome. Firstly maybe you can share with the chevra how you stopped watching pornography for 7 years. That is an incredible accomplishment. Secondly, getting erections on dates seems to be a very common occurrence; most guys nowadays are sensitive to arousal - so you are completely normal. You can speak to a urologist about this discomfort, but my understanding after speaking to a few guys who experienced this discomfort is that it goes away if you get busy after the date with something else. they found that thinking about it and being concerned caused more discomfort.  Hatzlacha.

I am about to start shidduchim and am nervous about the same thing... every time i get very emotional i get an erection too and im very nervous for what that will be like on a date... i dont want my dates to get sexual or awkward...
what should I do???

Having a medical term isnt what i want, but as i was worried, i started google searching, and turns out its quite common, but all the recommendations are to masturbate. Which of course, being free of that for such a long time, I wont fall IYH.

I dont think its fair to compare myself (being free of porn for that long), as I dont feel the urge to watch it in any way, when I realized all of that stuff was pure lies, and that I dont like that kind of empty relationships, it was easy for me to leave it (I see this as a huge chessed from Hashem, since most of my friends have/had it much difficult) Also, i was able to realize this and quit very early in life.

I hope that if bh this works, i will get accustomed to her, and not have erections so frecuently, and i wont have any pain.

For the last guy, do your best to avoid any arousing topics (it should be pretty easy, if dating a frum shomer girl), and when you get them, with your hand in your pocket try to arrange it so its “upward” / tuck it on the underwar elastic (while touching it the least you can, so it doesnt get “harder”). I hope you find your future wife dating the least amount of girls possible

Hi

There is another term called "Hypersexual" and/or "Nymphomania".
Becoming aroused often, and having a lack of control over the arousal.

Mindfulness based exercises can help with hypersexuality. which teach the body to not overreact to erotic clues and sexual stimuli.

I saw that Valsalva maneuver can help to relieve the epididymis pain. i wonder if it works.

From wikipedia: The Valsalva maneuver is performed by moderately forceful attempted exhalation against a closed airway, usually done by closing one's mouth and pinching one's nose shut while expelling air out as if blowing up a balloon. 

Basically it is: inhaling, closing the air pathway, forcing some pressure like blowing out for around 20-30 seconds. this temporary restrict the blood flow and reduce the tension on the teticaules, epididymis, prostate gland, and the Corpus cavernosum.

I wonder if that exercise can worked for anyone. 

Enjoy!

Yoinala

That's an awful lot of stuff to do just because the guy gets turned on! 

N11 wrote on 18 Nov 2021 02:44:

if you would google-search "erection" "torah" "gye," you would find that the recommendations are to go to the beis medrash, exercise, watch a hockey game or go fight with your sister. my apologies, but anyone who tells you (armed just with the information you provided above) to perhaps try the vulvaveisic technique or the seashell fractal complex pattern routine, needs to get a job, and if he so happens to be in the advise profession, needs to get a different job.

in nauru - pleasant island - (the only country w/o (a) capital [letters], we don't give advice; we simply cause trouble

Trouble wrote on 19 Nov 2021 13:47:

"Pleasant Island" has recently been renamed "Not so Pleasant Island", something the Nauru Magid should know..

mggsbms wrote on 19 Nov 2021 15:13:

there is some truth to that, but if you like obesity, unemployment, alcohol, smoking and not being on anybody's radar, it is a place one can call home.

I remember seeing many years a go in a Sefer (don't remember which) an Eitza for getting rid of unwanted Kishuy. Basically you grasp the web of skin between the thumb and forefinger of each hand with the thumb and forefinger of the opposite hand, squeeze for a few seconds, then release. I have no idea if there is any medical basis to it or it's just a Segulah, but it works and has saved me from many embarrassing situations over the years 

Reb Ahron Kotler zichrono livrocha held that one must wear loose underwear to avoid kishuy. After having this problem for a long time I changed to boxer shorts and it helped loads. though in the beginning it takes time to get used to them. good luck 

lodaas wrote on 20 Nov 2021 18:31:

It’s one of Gye’s tools. 
Get in the ring and fight the good fight bro!

I think this last "back and fort" shows the great benefit of GYE. A guy has a serious question. Most guys with this question will be much too embarrassed to discuss it for fear of being laughed at, looked down at, or causing friends to crack inappropriate jokes. Even though many of his friends may be struggling with the same issue, and they could benefit from hearing that it is relatively normal, and they would then not panic or stress over it, the conversation just doesn't come up. Enter GYE in the picture, allowing a safe, serious place, where one can bring up any issue. Even if no advice was given (and quite a few good suggestions were given), the ability to lower the anxiety about this experience, by sharing it, being heard, and hearing other guys have this too, is a game changer. When involved in a shidduch there is enough anxiety to deal with. BH our buddy hear at least has one less issue to agonize over.