Ok, so why is that? Why do people feel bad after acting out? Does it have to do with being brought up that this act is wrong? Or is it because the Yetzer Hora got what he wanted, and he's on his way up to report you?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 21 Nov 2021 20:48:

Did he explain why? 

Shmuel wrote on 21 Nov 2021 22:58:

Yes. The nefesh of every human understands that sexuality's purpose in this world (in addition to procreating the next generation) is to celebrate and enhance an emotional bond between loving spouses. A selfish manifestation of sexuality; masturbation or pornographic style sex - self pleasuring, not only does not satisfy that deep emotional craving, but even worse, the nefesh senses that a life giving opportunity was just wasted. In addition another human was just used/abused to create that false pleasure, but not as a loving partner, but rather as an object - either via fantasy (as in masturbation), or via reality (as in pornographic styled sex). 

polar bear wrote on 20 Nov 2021 23:19:

when you say "people," who are you referring to? gye members? jews? strip club members? non-jews?

Addiction usually follows a destructive cycle in which when acting out you behave in a harmful way towards yourself and potentially others. This then leads to feelings of guilt and shame, which you only feel able to deal with if you act out again, leading to the same behavior and so completing the vicious circle.

Feelings of guilt and shame are very common in people with addictions. Although these are unpleasant emotions, they’re actually a key step in your recovery, as they signal that you are starting to accept that you have a problem. Recognizing that you are behaving in ways that you wouldn’t if you didn’t have this dependency is the first step to getting help.

when you say "people," who are you referring to? gye members? jews? strip club members? non-jews?

If you have specific data on every group, that would be nice.

I'm trying to figure out if I feel bad for the reason that Hashem Help Me  brings -- Or because I was raised that it is wrong, and therefore I feel bad.

Aside from the reason HHM mentioned above, I think there's another reason many of us experience sadness or shame after acting out - generally immediately following the act. As R' Shafier explains in "The Fight" series, the Dimyon, imagination, produced by the Yetzer Hora overpowers us, so while lusting we are driven with a powerful focus and drive to get what we want - even if it means putting aside all of our values, our wives, families, our future, money, respect - in the pursuit of something that seems so necessary, and we can ignore all that we're losing. But as soon as we lose the fight, clarity returns immediately, and it is clear that we just made a really lousy deal - giving away so much that is valuable to us for a pleasure that didn't live up to its expectations. We feel duped. By our own self! I imagine this feeling exists more if: a. You believe that acting out strongly goes against what you believe in b. You actually gave up a lot in the process - violating promises, relationships, acting deceitful, - which is often the case.

I'm just starting out myself and I can totally relate to you.
Yes, I do feel bad right after. Could it have to do with my upbringing? Probably yes. But although it might not always have been enough of an deterrent for me, it's an additional tool in my toolbag.

For me, I've noticed that there's always some sort of cause and effect. Where as if I act out I always see a response from Hashem. It may be feeling it in my pocket, the way I can't help myself from treating my wife and kids disrespectfully, or the way it takes away from my other forms of Avodas Hashem. I view all these effects as a punishment and that's what motivates me to want to get better.


Just my two cents.

Welcome Geey694. Do you have your own thread? It is very beneficial to have one and post often. Hatzlacha.

polar bear wrote on 23 Nov 2021 00:09:

i don't have data.

gye members - probably feel bad, for it's against god, torah, and what they see here causes them to feel immensely guilty.
jews - similar to above; secular jews - not so much
strip club members - not at all - they go home feeling pretty good
non-jews - also not - close to 50% of males in their 20's masturbate several times a week; do they do that to feel bad? as a matter of fact, studies and people say that it relieves stress, improves mood and sleep, etc.

q: So Mr. Trouble, do you mind if we ask you a few questions?
t: no, by all means, in nauru, we have lots of time.

q: When was the last time you "fell"?
t: a couple hours ago.

q: Do you feel bad?
t: no.

q: Not even a sminch?
t: ok, a little.

q: Can you elaborate please?
t: i feel bad about the money wasted; i feel bad that she called me a sissie; i do feel that my wife has been wonderful and so have i, and if i wouldn't have this outlet, i'd be even better; sadly, i don't feel bad towards god; i feel bad that i don't feel bad about that; i don't feel down or depressed; i do feel relieved and energized; i also can get on with my life. 

q: Wow! I wasn't expecting such a lengthy response.
t:  what were you expecting?
q: I'm asking the questions.

q: Any final thoughts?
t:  i appreciate all those who have been chatting with me; i hope i haven't been a bad influence, for then that's another thing i will need to concede that i feel bad about; thanks for the opportunity to contribute to the "feel bad" study.
q: Thank you. And, by the way, why have you started this business about not using capital letters?
t: it's all on account of equity; i don't think one letter should should stand out over another; they were all created equally; some were discriminated against in the past by always being delegated to the back of a word or sentence or hardly ever being used at all; this is an injustice, and short of cancelling all the standing-tall capital letters, i decided to pick up and move to nauru, where there is no capital. i must admit that it can be difficult to type at times without hitting the shift button, but it's a small price to pay for ultimate justice.

q: Thank you Mr. Trouble, our sponsors and all our members. Please stay tuned as we interview next week Sister Tamarra, as she was one of the participants in the "Nun Study," which began in the 1930's and continued into the 1990's, as we learn all about emotional well-being and how feelings of gratitude will extend your life, and perhaps how abstinence plays into the equation.

Geey694 wrote on 23 Nov 2021 12:15:

Welcome!
Please write more about your struggles and wins. We're here to grow, learn & celebrate together! 

Just a quick point about "Reward and Punishment" (along the lines of what you wrote) 
We need to recognize that every single thing Hashem does and every system He runs the world with, including restrictions and even punishments, is done out of love for us. When we know that Hashem has our best interests in mind and never does anything except out of concern for us, we can realize that the restrictions He gave us are for our gain so we can accomplish.

The whole system of aveiros and punishment was created out of love for us and for our best, even if we don’t understand how. Hashem doesn’t hate us for sinning or punish us angrily because He lost His cool, chas veshalom. It would be perverse and insane (and heretical) to claim Hashem really lost control and became enraged. Rather, whenever He relates to us in a way that resembles anger, He does so only because He loves us and relating to us that way is best for us at that moment. He has not left us, even though He is making it hard for us to see Him for whatever reason. When we understand that Hashem still yearns for us, we won’t feel repelled and will continue to try to connect with Him

I'm looking forward to the next episode!

Can you not include the following letters, because even though they are not capitals, they are taller than, well, the rest; bdfhklt.

Thank you, Trouble. Your the best. Enjoy nauru!

So I had a fall.

​When I have a fall I get all disappointed in myself for failing and I disconnect from gye for a while because apparently I'm too stuck up and proud of myself to admit that I'm only human.

So here I am trying to work on that part.