I want to share some incredible Chizuk I got a little while ago from Rabbi Moshe Gruenstein’s
Torah Schmooze from a few weeks ago:
I would like to share with you a Kli Yakar on this week’s parsha (Chayei Sora) that’s a game changing vort. But first, by way of introduction let me begin by saying: Let’s face it. We all make mistakes in life. That’s part of being human. Hashem purposely made us imperfect, and therefore, He created us with all kinds of personality defects. There are myriad negative traits that reside within all of us – anger, laziness, jealousy, illicit desires, etc. You name it, we’ve got it – some more, some less – but we all have it. And we were sent down to this earth for whatever amount of time Hashem has allotted to us so we can work on fixing ourselves. That’s the purpose of our existence. But the yetzer hara is very smart and he knows our Achilles heel. He knows the exact “buttons to push” to bring us down. And his number one weapon, his modus operandi, is to influence us to give up – yiush – to lose hope. He is constantly telling us, “Look, you’re wasting your time. You’ve done this wrong and that wrong, and if people really knew who you are, no one would even look at you. Who are you trying to kid!? And besides, you’ve tried a number of times to climb out of your personal quagmire, but you have failed time and time again! Forget it!” Continues the Satan, “And even if you do change, you are still carrying so much baggage that you’ll have to tip ten skycaps to carry it all!” But you should know that the yetzer hara is full of baloney, and he is an outright liar. Because I’m here to tell you – actually correction, the Kli Yakar is here to tell you, which means Chazal are here to tell you – that your mistakes and your imperfections are actually your greatest asset. So, after that not-so-brief introduction we now begin with our dvar Torah.
In parshas Chayei Sarah (25:1), the pasuk tells us that Avraham married a woman called Keturah, who, according to Rashi and many others was none other than Hagar. Avraham remarried her because in the previous parsha when he sent Hagar out of the house with Yishmael, he had actually divorced her. And now, Avraham is taking her back. So, if this woman is actually Hagar, why is she being called Keturah? Says Rashi, that this is to teach you that her deeds were as pleasant and sweet as the ketores. If that’s the case, asks the Kli Yakar, then why are we suddenly calling her Keturah now? Why didn’t we give her that name before? And not only that, doesn’t this contradict what Rashi told us in parshas Vayeira (21:14) where he says that Hagar went back to worshipping idols? So how could Avraham marry such a person and how could her deeds be beautiful?
The answer is that she did teshuvah and the Torah wants to publicize the fact that she repented. That’s why at this time it specifically calls her Keturah – that she is like the ketores. Now what’s Hagar’s connection to ketores? Says the Kli Yakar: Just like the ketores contained one spice out of the 11 – called the chelbona – which by itself had a putrid odor, but which when mixed with the other 10 spices was transformed into a sweet-smelling spice, so too, when a baal teshuvah who has many transgressions repents, all those sins are transformed into merits – into mitzvos. Did you hear what I just said? This means that every time this person ate a kezayis of pig in his previous life, now, in his teshuvah life it becomes as if he ate a kezayis of the korban Pesach! And each time you gave an illicit look to something you should not have seen now becomes as if you had instead looked at a Sefer Torah. And the list goes on. Now why in the world should it work this way? I believe the logic is because it was those very transgressions that prompted you to reassess your value system and your life which therefore motivated you to transform yourself for the better, and to become a baal teshuvah. And Chazal tell us that in the place where a baal teshuvah stands, not even a tzaddik gamur can stand (Berachos 34b). Now, of course, no one is saying, “Oh, so it’s actually a good thing to sin because if you do teshuvah it becomes your ticket to greatness.” That’s ridiculous. It’s certainly better not to sin. But what we are saying is that you shouldn’t let the yetzer hara bring you down by constantly focusing on your mistakes. Tell him, “You’ll see, yetzer hara, you know all those sins you’re pointing out to me that I have done? I’ve got news for you, you’ll be sorry you ever seduced me to do them in the first place, because all those transgressions are about to become beautiful mitzvos!”
What a G-d we have who gives us such a gift, for His love and compassion for us are beyond belief! The One above is our biggest fan. He’s rooting for us to win, because He knows we can. And the Borei Olam can’t wait to see us hit the jackpot when we turn all our aveiros into mitzvos, which will bring us a coveted first-class ticket in this world and the next.
