Wow! Erev Yom Kippur - it's been a year (365 days - Oct. 3rd was at the end of Tishrei last year) since I joined GYE.

A year since I decided, "this is crazy, I've got to do something about this (for the 100th time) and decided to click on the ad of that guy drowning in "shmutz" that I knew next to nothing about.

And it's been a year since the last time I crumbled to my insatiable burning desire falling into the spiral of shame and filth,(I technically had one fall over the course of the year, but not a significant one)

I never thought I would make it to this point.

I also learned that I still have a lot of work to do - to climb higher, deeper and to maintain where I am.

I want to express tremendous gratitude to the GYE founders and all those who assist in this incredible machine, saving one Neshoma at a time, Betznius, without fanfare, and little recognition.

And I am incredibly grateful for those who helped me get here, whether directly through phone conversations and conversation on the forum, or indirectly, such as the many threads I read through before my first post, that gave me the courage and strength to jump in, and the conviction that this could actually be the solution to the nagging life-issue that seemed to be unsolvable.

At least one aspect of my year celebration will be the elation I will feel on Yom Kippur not feeling trapped, dirty, and insincere, trying to muster up charata and azivas hachet for a battle I didn't really feel I would ever win, and an appreciation and closeness to Hakadosh Baruch Hu for answering years of Tefillos.

Thank you!

Wow, I'm amazed
I discovered GYE the same time as you, it was the Thursday before Rosh Hashanah last year that I got a phone call to donate to GYE and I gave $10, and the guy on the phone told me if i could give to guard your eyes so something clicked that there is hope for this, I googled it and here I am, just six weeks away from a full year clean!!!!!!!

Wow! Amazing! Keep up the great work!!!

Ybird wrote on 04 Oct 2022 14:56:

Amazing!

I’m back.

I haven’t visited in a while – and I’ve been struggling of late – I masturbated for the first time in over a year a couple of week ago and been trying to get back on track. I have a couple of great mentors and Chaverim who I’m in touch with, but I think it’s important for me to get back here and post some ideas and commitments to help me get back on track. (I’m here for accountability more than for Chizuk, but feel free to share any thoughts or feedback)

I’d like to commit to posting the following daily for the next 2 weeks:

1) On a scale of 1-10 my Shmiras Einayim/fantasizing success rating – I’m specifically working on using nisyonos that arise as opportunities to remind myself why I’m fighting and not giving in. (I believe that will make it more of a positive act than simply sur mera - resulting in a deepening of that good habit)

2) Confirm that I read through –once a day- the following list of reasons why I don’t want to go back to my old self:

                a) My relationship with my wife is one of the most valuable things in my life, and it waxes and wanes by definition based on my loyalty and commitment which is reduced every time I engage in lustful gazing, internet viewing or fantasizing. The more I avert my gaze increases my relationship with her.

                b) The reason, generally, why I’m chasing lust is to fill a void inside – which will not get filled with this temporary pacifier – instead I should fill the void by increasing connection and being more real with my kids, my wife and Hashem.

                c) The intensity and frequency of urges will dramatically increase or decrease based on how well I’m dealing with smaller Nisyonos such as looking at women and fantasizing – it’s impossible to chase after lust “in moderation”, if I do, it will eventually lead further toward worse places.

                d) Viewing a woman (whether in real life or on screen) in such a way is a denigration of the greatness that lies within her and within me – turning me into an animal (activating the nefesh habahami) and her into a piece of meat. Imagine someone looking at my daughter in that fashion.

3) Exercise 4 times a week

            

C! C! C!

1) 7/10
2)Yes
3)1

Dear Avrohom, 
Your determination is truly inspiring and incredible. Would you mind to share the cause of the fall after such a long streak? so that way i myself and others can learn from it too...

Thanks,
love excellence

1) 9/10
2) Yes
3) 1

excellence wrote on 13 Mar 2023 22:52:

Thanks for your kind words - and great to hear from you!
It's a good question. I'm not really sure if it's really one thing that can be pointed to, but the list I made above are certainly all related to it. In short:
1. Understanding the cost/benefit equation
2.realizing it's a pacifier to fill a void
3.Staying consistent on the "small" things
4. Appreciating my own value as it relates to acting this way
I realize that the initial motivation and desire to maintain a long streak eventually wears off - and you're left with the reality of yourself and the daily choice to succumb to the temptation that presents itself or not. For the most part, once I pulled myself out of the mud, and was on a long road of not falling - the urges and temptations are generally small, so they're not as difficult to overcome. But when presented with a given urge or temptation - small or big, at that moment, you have only the core values that are deeply embedded to draw on, and if they aren't strong or a part of you enough you can slip. Generally, one step in the wrong direction can be corrected - reach out to someone, or draw on inspiration or strategies that have worked in the past. But if you don't, and at some point I didn't, you can end up a few steps down and then it's more difficult to pull up, and you may not have the motivation. I don't think it was some major inner change or life turmoil, just the basic recipe that this is a battle that doesn't go away and requires constant vigilance, consistency and a regular deepening of the values that keep us fighting. That's all I have for now - perhaps I'll think of more later.

And as DavidT just articulately posted - (as always) :
The Gemara tells us, “Yitzro shel adam misgaber alav b’chol yom – A person’s evil inclination prevails upon him every day” (Kiddushin 30b). Therefore, “l’olam yargiz adam yetzer tov al yetzer hara – a person should always excite and engage his yetzer tov against his yetzer hara” (Berachos 3a). It’s a perennial battle that demands constant attention. If we are not engaged in struggle, we’ve already lost.
Some people think: "I'm already in a good place, I don't need to be vigilant anymore". While this day can sometimes last a while, if we're complacent, it's just a matter of time before we get caught off guard.
We can increase our efforts from both ends – powering our yetzer tov more and fueling our yetzer hara less. The end result will be increased success in the most important battle of our lives.

1)9/10
2)Yes
3)2

Avrohom wrote on 14 Mar 2023 03:22:

Thank You!
Positive feedback is very important. Sometimes I wonder if all this time and effort I put into this forum bears any fruit... 
​(constructive criticism is just as important - but it's hurt's too so we don't go looking for it.. )
Keep up your great progress!

1)8/10
2)Yes
3)2

Avrohom - you are an inspiration. I have no doubt you will bounce back and stronger then the last time.. Wishing you much Hatzlacha and tremendous Siyata Dishmaya.