Slipped up this morning.. been so careful then one wrong move after 6 weeks clear. Noting here and moving on.. This doesn't define who I am. I am a shomer Habris (with a learner sign!). Very upset though, I let myself down.

Wishing everyone a Chag Sameach

Oish! That hurts.

You got it my friend - moving on is the way to go. and you are not defined by this slip. why should you be more defined by this slip over your hard work over the last 6 weeks??

Keep Rollin' and remember we are always here to for, whatever it is, just let us know.

taherlibeinu wrote on 18 Apr 2024 14:31:

How are you celebrating the 6 clean weeks? 
Let's do a remote L'chaim! We're proud of you! Keep up the great progress...
(oh, you also had a fall, yeah, that hurts, turn it into a positive learning experience, what can you learn from it to prevent future falls?)

BH 9 days on.. moving on up Wishing you all a Gut Voch/Moed and have a wonderful second days.

Back to day 1... Its been an incredible roller coaster.. A powerful Tisha Beav, incredible Ellul, YN and Succos all to come crashing down and just before 90 days.. On Simchas Torah we sang Toras Hashem Temmimah.. I don't think its for nothing that it occured to me if you add the digits of the outer and inner letters of Temmima each one adds to 9.. 4+5 outside and 4+4+1 inside.. there is something special about this goal and in my case elusive for now. This is something i have not done in a few years, I keep getting close but never over the line. Not saying that this is the defining marker but its a powerful goal to achieve. 

On the positive side I have had an incredible 85 days and grown so much. for most of this time this Inyan wasn't part of me at all. Yes i have slipped into it now thanks to the two hours i indulged yesterday but I can say with certainty that is not who I am. Mai Dehava Hava and i am moving on. 

Looking back how did this happen.. its good to take a little introspection so here goes.. I had the most incredible ride and i felt so kadosh, always with the RB Shel Olam, I had a health scare which needed a procedure and i look back so blessed that i had it, I was so close to Hashem during this time. following this I had a small slip on day 85 (on my filtered computer my wife was out and even with minimal access i can still see some pictures/videos which even though are mild are so destructive - i need to figure blocking this out as well) and then thought i was clear but had a complete fall 8 days later on machine at my parents house (they were not in).. When i see how I was setup to fall by the YH i have to give him credit, how he got me home during the day and all the steps leading up to the fall  - which i take full account of as my fault..  I am not one to preach and each one knows what is right for them, I have taken my own number of steps to ensure that on my day to day life i minimise all temptation, I have no smart phone and my internet is filtered (possibly needs slight tweak to tighten) and cuts out completely at midnight. I am not technical enough to know how to get around that so i know my home is secure. Its when i am outside of the home environment i can be more vulnerable. This is something i need to work on. 

iyH I will continue to improve and reach my goal. I won't let this setback push me back. I know it can't, I have grown too much over these past few months. I am stunned by my failure but also doubly focussed on my desire to overcome this challenge.. 

I will never give up, we are all Oivdei Hashem in the fullest sense. We are His soilders, His army in this world. We are not allowed to roll over and give up, we get up again and keep going. That is possibly the essence of being a yid in todays world. 

Wishing you all much Hatzlocha and Brocha in this Avodas Hakodesh.

taherlibeinu wrote on 07 Nov 2024 13:14:

My Brother, what an amazing mindset you have. Truly inspiring.

Much hatzlacha to you as well and please keep in touch.

taherlibeinu wrote on 07 Nov 2024 13:14:

Just another way to look at it.

Thanks for this great post, it's a real chizuk and inspiration to me and to all our fellow brothers here.

Keep it up and keep us posted.
With love akiva

BH two weeks on.. Each day is another step towards Hashem, each day takes me closer to the most incredible destination imagineable. Each day is a clear blue sky.. I can daven, I can feel close to Hashem.. Whatever other challenges i might be going through I am connected to the One Above.. a very special place to be!

Wishing this Chashuva Olam full of Kedoshim a wonderful shabbos

Wow! Keep trucking! 

I love your attitude and perspective on getting closer and closer to hashem.

Hatzlacha Raba!

BH 41 days and moving forwards.. quite tempted today but no thank you.. closing the computer and heading to a safe place. I am choosing not to enter into this milchomo it will only end one way.. 

Would rather shlep an hour and a half in and out of work and Daven Mincha B'yichidus then risk "the work from home fall"

Wishing the olam a wonderful day.. 

You are an inspiration!

Unfortuantely I had a fall on Monday.
Looking back I am a little frustrated with myself. I had got things working well, I have a very tight filter on my machine and so i felt quite safe at home. I was 100+ days in and doing well.. Unfortunately an old laptop was returned back to us without the same restrictions. I fell the day it was returned. the last 3 1/2 months were quite amazing though and i grew tremendously..

I need to do a few things:

1) Put this behind me. You fall down, you get back up again
2) Deal with the horrid machine, i didn't ask for it and didn't want it. I need to get rid of it/put on same filter as my current machine
3) Move forwards.. it happened nu nu.. onwards

For me, and maybe this is only for me the easiest path is to completely remove the chance to fall.. each one has his own derech but this works well for me. I know there is the whole mindset that comes with it but why walk around with a jar of poison.. If at 11 at night I have no access then the chances are i am not falling.. My internet switches off between 11pm and 5am.. my wife doesn't love it but begrudingly accepts it. For me this creates kedusha in the house. And to be clear.. Kedusha in the house is everything.. Shalom Bayis, Bracha, Kids wellbeing, it all comes from this. I need to deal with this additional machine the Yetzer Hara threw in asap.. 

Wishing this chashuve community all much Hatzlocho..

BH BH BH 8 days on.. L'Maaleh Min Hateva and beyond..