I'm honestly pretty shocked on how bad I just fell. I never expected it to get this bad. I'm hoping hoping hoping hoping hoping hoping that this will be like a trampoline and send me back to being a good yid, but I'm not sure. 

I don't think I need any advice right now, but I could definitely use some chizuk. I feel so disappointed in myself. 

I hope I look back at this one day and realize that this was the moment where I got my life back on track. 

Hashem, please please please help me, and help my fellow brothers who are fighting 

Be'ezras Hashem you will look back and realize that this is what propelled you to all your levels in kedusha and your great heights, that it only happened because of this!

Here's some chizuk from The Battle of the Generation (Chapter 11):

For many people, there comes a point in their lives when they overstep their bounds and do what they never thought they would stoop to do. The shock and regret they feel afterward is searing. It is vital that they respond properly to this pain because this moment is the most critical moment of their lives. In that instant, they can decide to see past their rationalizations and change, or they can defend their decisions instead.
Unfortunately, no matter how they respond, it will be painful. Whether they commit to act differently or try to deny their mistakes, they cannot completely quell the agonizing realization that they have done something wrong. Deep down, they know they failed, and that feeling is excruciating.
    But there is a way for a person to mitigate much of this pain, and that is by saying to himself, “I will make this the most productive thing that ever happened to me because I am going to use it to change my whole life! Years from now, I am going to look back and realize that all I have become is because of what happened today, and that had it not happened, I probably would have continued to plummet further instead. I am going to become a different person and reach greatness because of what happened!” Making what happened productive by deciding to turn around because of it eases the sting of regret like nothing else can. Best of all, it is a huge shortcut on the road to self-control. It enables us to attain lasting change much faster than usual.
    Of course, we must also remember that teshuva completely wipes away our sins as if we never did them.  Once we repent, we no longer have to feel down about what we did. We can take comfort in the knowledge that our error has been erased and move on.

(Link to book is in my signature below.)

We're all sharing your pain and we hope that this fall was your 'rock-bottom' and from now on you should only be growing higher and higher... 
Please stay connected and keep us updated.

A big fall is a big opportunity for change. Don't miss it!

Have you ever spoken to Dov? I would highly suggest it. You can reach him through our hotline 646-600-8100 Ext 2. If he doesn't pick up, leave a message and he'll call you back.

Who is Dov? 

And how does the hotline work?

Thank you!

You can read some of Dov's powerful posts on the following thread:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/124072-Dov-Quotes.

Currently, the last post on that thread reads as follows:


Another great link for some of Dov's writings is the following:
guardyoureyes.com/articles/stories/item/dov-2

Hatzlacha!
eved41