Hi,I'm a yingerman of around 30 years old, and I have been struggling with some issues for the past 9 years or so, I have been for help already to a few people but nothing really made a lasting difference, and maybe it even got worse,I'm having a hard time putting my finger on what exactly my problem is and if it even falls under the GYE umbrella,Despite having many things to be grateful to Hashem for, and I think of myself as a very lucky guy, and on the outside everything looks so perfect, that fact is that in private I am a self destructive total mess.I'm avoiding social interactions and every second week or so I will fall into this dark hole where I just stop doing the most basic things, starting from basic yideshkeit such as davining and learning, work, wife and kids, and even personal hygiene, all I will do is try to run away from myself via videos, computer games, news and anything I can put my hands on including porn and masturbation.this has been going on for close to 10 years now,I tried learning choivas halvuvas and musar, talking to my wife about it, I tried picking myself up again and again, and I just keep on falling back, and I think I'm getting worseabout a year and a half ago I had a clean streak of about 10 months where in yidishkeit I was all good, but even then the other components of my condition was still very severe and ultimately I fell back in everything related to yidishkeit as well.I need help and I have no idea where to turn to, and I would like to hear if there is anyone here with a similar condition

Welcome aboard!

Theres definitely much to be gained by hanging around over here, but from what it sounds like there seem to be underlying issues in your life that would best be resolved by some good old therapy. I am not diagnosing you with any thing but it’s definitely worth a try...

Hey teddie! (I love that name btw),

This is a place to get Chizuk and ideas on how to break free from bad habits, for that part this is definitely a good place for you to be. 
But for real serious stuff that someone may need like therapy, 12 steps... This place won't replace that need, and the best thing to do probably is to speak to a Rav or therapist.
I don't fully grasp your condition, but from the surface it sounds like the same as many of us, that are good people, just that we fall into a deep hole sometimes which could spiral out of control...
So in short, this is a great place to be, but it shouldn't replace therapy if it's needed. (To figure out if it's needed, you may want to speak to a Rav).

Keep us posted.
Hatzlacha rabba!
HappyYid

GYE is a big place theres probably someone here who can relate. Regardless this is at least a good place to work on your porn/masturbation problems, and if your anything like me you might find that the self control you develop by working on those also affects other areas of life.

Wishing you much hatzlocho!

Thanks for you're kind response

I have been on the lookout for a good therapist for the last 2 years, and it is far from easy, the market is flooded with plenty of wanna bees, I have tried out to date 3 different people not licensed ones, but it was either not consistent enough or they just didn't know what they are doing, I recently reached out to an organization that does mental health referrals, they gave me 3 names,  they are licensed and I was told that they are the real deal, so far I was unable to get in touch with either of them, I left plenty of messages and email with no reply so far, one told me that he is too booked up to accept new clients. 
I was told by the organization that they might be very overbooked, so if you know someone good, I'm currently in the market...

I don’t think I would know anybody that the organization doesn’t. I’ve only had two therapists to date and they were both referred by the same organization you consulted (I’m assuming, although I don’t know for certain).

Wishing you much Hatzlacha in your life and finding the right help.

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