Hi everyone,

First of all, I wish all of you who are reading this right now a tremendous success with your struggle, and if you have broken free, a tremendous success with helping others.

Right now I am at a weird point in my life. I grew up as a secular "Jew" but later when I began to do Teshuvah I realized I was not Jewish, so very soon Be'Ezrat Hashem I will begin the conversion process. 

I am 19 and have been struggling with pornography and masturbation since I was 11. Lately I have been able to get over my addiction to pornography BH and it has been almost two months since the last time I engaged with that. I guarantee you all that there is a certain point with this specific addiction that if you stay away from it long enough it actually becomes really easy to stay away from for good (for me it was about a month), even if you are still working on keeping your brit. I myself am still struggling the other half of the addiction and I am posting for the first time on this website today because I fell after 9 days earlier this afternoon. Its never worth it.

I have made it 28 days before, so I am looking to stop for good this time, as we all are. I have been using the Taphsic method lately and it has actually been working relatively well. I can say for sure that without it I wouldn't be even close to this stage in the process. So, my plan moving forward is to update my contract with Hashem, in other words the things I have to do if I have a fall, and learn from what happened this time.

Where the Yetzer Hara really gets me is when I am alone, which is quite often unfortunately. Its also a problem that it isn't quite clear what the consequences are for a non-jew for this sin, so my Yetzer Hara tends to take advantage of that. If anyone has any suggestions for me please reach out, I am all ears!

Welcome brother! 

I can relate to you a lot because I'm also 19 and coincidentally a BT. It's awesome to hear you want to take on this tremendous battle and the tactics you're willing to implement in your life to win the battle. 

As far as if it's assur for a non-Jew, I'm no rav, but it seems generally, many poskim don't consider it explicitly assur. Now please don't get the wrong idea from this because Hashem is still disgusted by zera levatala (masturbation) whether you're Jewish or not. And of course it's another story once you become a ger iyH. 

Anyways, wishing you only hatzlocha with this battle, the giyur thing, and everything else!



PS: Pls feel free to reach out to me, pm me, or wtvr for some practical tips how to overcome urges to masturbate. I haven't gotten much farther than you with a clean streak but maybe we can figure out some tactics that work well for us

Hey, welcome!
Forst of all, it’s great to have you here. I’m sure you’ve been through a lot and I wish you much Hatzlocha in your life journey.

Its interesting, I wonder, if it would be mutar for a non jew to watch porn, is it really the Yetzer Hara getting you to do it? I don’t know...

I think it may make more sense to focus on the concept of viewing women as people and not objects to be stared at or masterbated to.
As well, there is a value, not limited to judaism, of self control and not being guided by ones base desires... 

As well, even if it wouldn’t be technically assur for a non jew, it’s definitely not Gods will.
It could be Masterbating is different than porn as far as non Jews are concerned. I could hear that perhaps Masterbating would be forbidden to non Jews unlike porn, I can elaborate at some point.

Welcome! 

Forget about the issur for now, focus on living a fulfilling life.

Check out this short video gye.vids.io/videos/a09adeb21d1de6c428/rabbi-twerski-we-are-not-animals . This applies to all humans, we are all tzelem Elokim, made in G-d's image. Rabbi Twerski writes many times that "spirituality" is really anything that elevates humans over animals, or what he calls the human spirit. If we cannot elevate ourselves above animals, we become like them (or worse as Rav Yerochum explains). The special characteristics that make humans special are the the things that connect us to spirituality.

Your story really inspires me. I would like to think that I would also be megayer if I found out that I was not Jewish. I hope so...

Keep us posted!

All the best, 
Wlnevergiveup

Thank you, I wish the same to you as well!

All I know after I fall is that I have let God down. It's unclear to me how severe the punishment is for gentiles, but I do know for sure that it is not Gods will. I will have to stop anyway as I get closer to converting, so Baruch HaShem I will take care of this before that day comes. 

As for porn, for some reason I was able to just stop it. I don't really know how and maybe my YH will grow greatly after I convert, but I am glad I stopped. It gives me hope for everything else.

Hey! Its nice to meet you!

I can definitely feel that HaShem is disgusted with me after every time. But I know He wants me to try again so BH we will succeed. Lets stay in touch!

Hi! 

Thanks for replying with the support! I appreciate the video suggestion and of course I will keep you updated. I plan on posting as much as I can from now on!

AJF122101 wrote on 19 Mar 2021 08:41:

Awesome!
Btw I didn't mean necessarily He's disgusted with you as person, it's just the act of wasting seed in general is considered very impure. And for sure He not only wants us to try again, but more than anything, He wants us to succeed!