Hello everyone,

It is very rare that I call out for help, but I believe it would be a good thing for me to open up and ask for help in this situation. 

In short, immoral acts have probably been with me since my early teens. In fact, I did not even know what I was doing when I had "weird feelings". Every since then and sadly until today, it has been a part of me. Why? I think I know why. All my life, I have been "tossed around". I was first adopted and my parents were not able to bound with me in a healthy manner. My family was always arguing and fighting and throughout my life, I have always felt lonely. Until today, I feel disconnected and I have a hard time building relationships, long term. I am quite religious today and I also know to limit my speech, so it makes it much more harder for me to interact. Today and within these last few months, the struggle with this sin has been intense and I simply do not know what to do. I study a good amount of Torah, I know my halachot, but yet I choose to rebel against H-Shem for a pointless moment of pleasure. Why? I do not even know anymore. What I do know is that I feel like everything is becoming pointless and I do not have the faith to see where it will all lead. Today many things feel robotic and yet I still know (thankfully) not to break many of H-Shem's rules. However I do not know how long that will be if I keep failing in this part of my avodah. I am 30 years old and single and I life alone, and I do no know what do to. In a sense I feel trapped and very limited, especially since my family relationships are not so great. I no longer know what to do. Please help! Thank you for reading this. 

Thank you for sharing and opening up!

It's a major step in the right direction.
Stick around and you will see how updateing regularly and reading other posts here will help on a huge scale.

Also, make sure to explore the GYE website. There are alot of features/tools that are very helpful.

Until now you were fighting a battle alone....
from now on your not alone, your fighting with us.

Think zedj pretty much said it all.

Welcome to the forum!

Also i personally find (and I think many of the chevra here may agree) that posting on the forum is a huge help - and not just when things are down but when bezH you start improving as well so we can all share in your simcha! 

Last thing - highly recommend "the fight" - shiur on TheShmuz really incredible stuff and very motivating

Hi Mike welcome to the family!
My advice for what it’s worth.... post post post & then post .

Seriously when you’re feeling down or triggered come here & post about it, this will help you feel better and also lower the flame of the desire a little.


Hatzlacha!
Anothershot

Mike_28 wrote on 08 Feb 2021 23:57:

Hi Mike,
you are not rebelling, you love hashem and he loves you. Human beings are designed as not perfect and we all have ups and downs.  As long as you try, you'll come out winning in the end. Falling when you have a weak moment does not identify your true self. 
Stick around and you'll learn how to get a clear perspective on life and it's challenges with the help of Hashem and the good people on GYE...

Welcome! You came to the right Place.Help and encouragement is what we specialize in here. Stick around and you will get to know some really great people that can provide advice and so much more.

DavidT wrote on 09 Feb 2021 02:11:

Welcome!

Make sure to read this post a few times. Let it sink in because it's the truth.

wilnevergiveup wrote on 09 Feb 2021 04:40:

I can't agree more! You're a hero, and you're self-assessment is so far from the truth!

I second evedhashem1836's suggestion. Please check out Rabbi Shafier's The Fight (theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/ ). And if you're feeling flat in your Avodas Hashem, please check out his other classes on theshmuz.com or on The Shmuz app. They have been a life-saver and a game-changer for me. Literally saved my life and my avodas Hashem many times. He has speeches on almost every topic and they're great! Check it out! (Also great for this: The Living Emunah books by Rabbi David Ashear. Available in any Jewish bookstore on on Amazon. And you can sign up for his daily 5 minute email on www.livingemunah.com.)

Also, please check out this great book (ebook) for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.

And you can sign up for the daily GYE Boost emails/ whatsapps at www.gyeboost.org.

Looking forward to hearing more from you,
Captain

Good Evening Zedj. Thank you again for your encouragement and for leading me to write a forum. That is very nice of you. You also gave me another good piece of advice, and that was to build on my relationships with the people around me. That has helped greatly. Thank you again for your help and I will try and stay up to date here. If I can help in any way, please let me know.

Hi EvedHashem! Thank you for replying. Where can I find a link to what you mentioned about "the fight". Thank you! 

Shalom David! Those words are very encouraging. Thank you! That is very nice of you to point out! We are made in the image of H-Shem and He does very much love us. Thanks for the reminder I will try and stick around.

Shalom Captain! Wow thank you for the links that is awesome of you and very helpful! You are all tzadikim on here! B"H! I did come to the right place! I hope one day I can encourage others like you all have! Thank you. 

Captain wrote on 09 Feb 2021 13:58:

Mike this is the link for the fight

How are you doing Reb Yid?