Hey fellow yeshivish bachor, 
I can’t believe it I never thought I would meet someone in the same exact position as me, like mammash I have the same problem. I met a girl 2 years a girl over the phone and only spoke for 5 min and that was enough to trigger a serious relationship. We both love each other Immensely  we can’t stop talking to each other. Tried not to go out but failed, and was nichsahl very badly in shomer negiah. We took a break for while and yet again came back and this Repeated itself many times. The only thing I have to tell you is just wait for the right time till than work on your connection  with hakodosh Baruch hu 

future gadol wrote on 19 Mar 2023 04:50:

Hey sorry to hear your rough times, just wondering which user your speaking to? Because the last reply was over a year. 
Maybe make your own thread and people can comment directly to you, although you may write here since you got inspired or so, the user may be inactive. Hatzlacha

Hey, welcome!

I’m gonna speak my mind abit, and please forgive me if I’m being too forward.

listen, I’m from a modern backround, I’ve had shaychus to girls...
I know it’s beyond hard to resist, especially the emotional aspect. And feeling like u got so much in common! Ah, yup I’ve been there...
But u should know the Emes, even if ur not yet holding by living with it.
The Emes is that in the long run life will be much better etc if you wait until your married/dating to engage in such a relationship (I’m not even discussing Halacha, I’m talking about Olam Hazeh).

Honestly, it’s not like I’m perfect myself, though I’ve become frummer, I’m still nichshal once in awhile and talk to a girl (though have been doing way better bh), so I’m not giving mussar, I’m just sharing my thoughts as a friend who understands...

The problem is you feel so emotionally attached/invested, and it would be so so so super insanely hard and painful to make up with her to wait/pause the relationship for the time being.
I understand buddy.
Theres different eitzos we can discuss bezras Hashem, if you’re interested...

I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds, especially since I don’t know you.

I had an encounter with a certain girl last year during an off Shabbos, Baruch HaShem we didn’t touch but it got close...
I really liked her, we were so similar etc and really “clicked.”
I wasn’t able to concentrate in Yeshiva for the next 3 months.
It killed me. I kept replaying the night over and over again in my mind thinking “if only.”

This stuff kills ones learning man.
Kills ones focus,concentration,davening etc.

Theres only one eitza.
An eitza that has caused much pain in the immediate aftermath, but much joy and serenity in hindsight.
Go cold turkey. Break it off for now.
Im speaking from personal experience.
Its super duper hard and we can shmuze about how to do it, but it’s kdie.
It’s the only mahalach man.
No other eitza.

You have a wonderful bright future ahead of you. 
Invest now in your learning 100%.
The Torah/other things can fill up the emotional void for the time being. 
Obviously there comes a time where one needs to get married, but as a buchar it’s toxic to one’s spiritual growth.
Its not worth it.

Don’t get me wrong, it could be she’s your bashert and will one day marry her!
But right now your Avoda is to invest in your Self. Your learning, davening etc,
So that when you find your bashert, whoever she may be, you will come into that marriage better prepared to build a Bayis Neeman B’Yisrael of Kedusha v’Tahara.

We’re here for you, one step at a time.

Feel free to respond/not respond at your own discretion.

YeshivaGuy

Taking to myself and telling myself... think about this as tiny small breaks to gain productivity!!! No one is going ANYWHERE!!!! Who am I fooling she lives nearby my house!! This won’t last straight 2 years!!! We’re just doing as much as we could slowly to gain Torah to gain spiritually! To gain time and productivity!!! We’re still both very connected at heart!!!

Hey all! 
Thx for the kind words
life has gotten so busy so it’s been hard to make my way here. Bh I’m doing well. Still going strong with my relationship! Things got complicated and families weren’t happy with the shidduch so we’re still working on getting married.
shomer negiah has been super tough but we’ve gotten back up strong in November time and pulled through till now despite the immense pain! 
@at future gadol - it sounds like your going through something similar! Stay strong and feel free to reach out I have some tips! All the best remember at the end we’ll be proud we pulled through!