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TOPIC: Yearning for Serenity 7999 Views

Yearning for Serenity 09 Nov 2020 14:55 #357220

  • Rebuild613
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Demolished is my real name
Fool is my middle name
Last Edit: 01 Apr 2021 12:12 by Rebuild613. Reason: I'm gone

Re: Yearning for Serenity 09 Nov 2020 15:04 #357221

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Demolished is my real name
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Last Edit: 01 Apr 2021 12:13 by Rebuild613. Reason: I'm gone

Re: Yearning for Serenity 09 Nov 2020 15:17 #357223

  • grant400
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Thank you for sharing. It's painful but if you feel it will help then please continue. We will all be there for you. 

Btw your English is perfect! I'm not sure why you are concerned 

Re: Yearning for Serenity 09 Nov 2020 15:24 #357224

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Re: Yearning for Serenity 09 Nov 2020 19:24 #357231

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Wow it sounds like you have a story many can gain from, we feel in your pain. working with Gye and all the many Chaverim here, you have a bright future ahead.
​May HKBH give you the strength needed to DEMOLISH this Yetzer hora once & for all.
Love from all of us at GYE.  

Re: Yearning for Serenity 10 Nov 2020 16:41 #357246

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Re: Yearning for Serenity 10 Nov 2020 17:00 #357247

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Re: Yearning for Serenity 10 Nov 2020 17:30 #357249

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I want to take the time to offer a translation for those who don't speak Yiddish. I believe this thread will be incredibly painful but will help a lot of people who went through similar situations but don't have the ability to share it. (Feel free to assist in the translation if I don't get to it).

Translation:

Alas! From where shall I take the strength to write? It's most difficult to go back in time to the dark days, but when one requires an operation, it must be done regardless of the pain.

Like I already mentioned, that when I went to חדר as a child, instead of the rebbi teaching me the holy torah that the yidden received at Har Sinai, the rebbi introduced me to "sex life". Because of this I couldn't pay attention during class and I wasn't able to keep up with the subjects, causing me to have to stay back and remain by the same rebbi for an additional year, so the monster had my body for another year.

At home I recieved murderous blows from my father- until blood ran (without exaggeration), because I didn't know the subjects.

To be continued...

Incredible. Most people don't go through a tenth of what you already went through in your first post. I can't imagine the astounding pain you went through and are still going through. The fact that you're still a regular normal adult leading a regular life is an inspiration to everyone and shows what a person is capable of. Only respect brother. Please continue sharing!

                                Grant 
Last Edit: 10 Nov 2020 18:03 by grant400.

Re: Yearning for Serenity 10 Nov 2020 18:18 #357251

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Thank Grant for the translation as I dont speak yiddish

Demolished - We dont know each other, but know that I cried as I read your story.  I'm so sorry you had to endure that pain.  I davened for you and your recovery. 

Love Dave, your fellow GYEer

Re: Yearning for Serenity 10 Nov 2020 18:37 #357252

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Re: Yearning for Serenity 10 Nov 2020 18:40 #357253

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Last Edit: 01 Apr 2021 12:15 by Rebuild613. Reason: I'm gone

Re: Yearning for Serenity 11 Nov 2020 22:24 #357316

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Re: Yearning for Serenity 12 Nov 2020 00:16 #357318

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Demolished wrote on 11 Nov 2020 22:24:
טייערע פריינט. אזוי ווי עס איז מיר שווער ממשיך צו זיין איז מיר אויך שווער נישט ממשיך צו זיין, עס איז בגדר אוי לי אם אומר אוי לי אם לא אומר.איך גיי נישט אריינגיין אין פרטי פרטים אע"פ שרבים הםBecause i don't want to be too graphic and cause triggers.ממילא וועל איך אסאך מאל שרייבן בדרך כללית או בדרך משל.המשך: די יארן גיין אדורך מען גייט פון איין מלמד צום צווייטן די אנדערע מלמדים זענען טאקע נישט געווען קיין child molestersאבער רוצחים און אכזרים זענען זיי יא געווען.איין קליין פונק פון האפענונג איז געווען און מיין מחשבה אז נאך די בר מצוה וועט מען גיין אין א ישיבה ממילא וועל איך אויסניצן די גילעגנהייט פון א נייע התחלה.רבותי !! מען האט אדורך געלעבט די צוואנגס לאגער און מען איז אנגעקומן צום טויט (פארניכטונגס) לאגער  דאס איז געווען די נייע התחלה.כמנהג החסידים (השוטים) פון די בר מצוה און ווייטער גייט מען אין מקוה איעדן טאג, אלס אונטערן נאמען פון קדושה וטהרהeverything is permitted  in the name of religion.And over there in the mikvah a pedophile to a liking to me.And this is the beginning of the story what i call my experience in the spiritual gas chamber.Sorry friends, need to stop now.

Translation: 

Dear friend, just as it is hard for me to continue it is also hard not to continue.  It falls under the category of "Woe a unto me if I say, and woe unto me if I don't say". I will not go into minor detail even though they are many, because I don't want to be too graphic and cause triggers. Therefore many times I will write generally or with an example.

Continuation: As the years went by I went from one rebbi to another.  The other rabbeim weren't child molesters but evil and wicked people they were as well. One small spark of hope was that in my mind I knew that after my bar mitzvah I will go to a different school and I will use that occasion as an opportunity for a new beginning. My dear friends! I lived through a labor camp and I now arrived at a death camp, that was my new beginning. Like the minhag of chassidim (shotim) from the bar mitzvah and on they use the mikvah daily. Everything is done for kedusha v'tahara. Over there in the mikvah a pedophile took a liking to me. This is the beginning of the story, that I call my experience in the spiritual gas chamber. Sorry friends, I need to stop now.​

So, so painful my friend. I honestly feel for you. I'm speechless.
Last Edit: 12 Nov 2020 04:01 by grant400.

Re: Yearning for Serenity 12 Nov 2020 06:19 #357333

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Dear demolished, 
All I can say is, If this is how painful it is for us to see what youv'e been through, we cannot fathom how painful it must be for the Ribono shel oilam.
May HKBH give you the continued strength and siyato dishmayo, youv'e come to a place of people who truly care about you.
what's even more amazing is that you are now inspiring and being Mashpia on others Letovah, exactly the opposite of your youth.
This must be a nachas ruach to HKBH like none other.
We daven for you, and will not leave go untill you see the true path to hapiness.
with pain,
excellence

Re: Yearning for Serenity 17 Nov 2020 17:34 #357481

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@demolished How's it going? 

Like many others, I relate too well (unfortunately) to your story and your struggles. 

Oh, How I yearn for your serenity! 

Writing your story is probably therapeutic but I'm asking about the future. 
How are you doing on your path to serenity? 
How quickly are you taking the shattered and demolished pieces and creating the magnificent tower that you can be? 

Share with us. Show us what your potential is. Show us the ירידה לצורך עלייה. 
And most importantly, tell us what works for you, which could help many of us. 

​You, who have been through the worst of abuse, you can and will be our role model as we fight our way to Kedusha. 

If you could even write some small update, just to tell us how the day is going, everyevery day or two, that alone can keep us (and you) in the spirit. 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
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