You guys are really, so amazing.
So bh was clean today.
Heres the plan. So, I don’t go into bed specially to masterbate, rather, particularly during my 2 hour dinner break, I lie in bed and read abit.
So here’s the plan, I wanted to chazer 2nd Seder anyway during the break abit, so I’ll bli neder havea coffee about 30 min after I’m done eating dinner, and then go learn.

Because, if I’m in bed for abit it’s way less a prob, but reading in bed for an hour or more can be risky.

Again, if anyone has eitzas feel free to say them.

Shkoyach!!!
  

Amazing how in tune with yourself you are. Presently the mehalech of avoiding the nap is wise but the ultimate goal is to iyh be able to take a nap if necessary. I know the feeling of fear to lay down in bed, knowing that almost automatically certain thoughts and urges explode. BH to a great degree i graduated (although there are times....) and iyh you will graduate too. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 26 Aug 2020 14:32:

Amen. Shkoyach, bezras Hashem!
My currents goal is to be clean until Succos (especially since I’ll be going back home then and time to take up arms for the fight). And we’ll take it from there.
Hopefuly one day I can make it to 1350
Ill keep posting. Thanks for the chizuk!!

Also, a Question, what do u mean by graduate?
u mean at a certain point the taiva becomes less?

YeshivaGuy wrote on 26 Aug 2020 18:21:

There comes a point where one stops panicking when he gets an urge. That "monster" that was hiding in the closet and was oozing out of the door frame, will have been defined as being what it is - an urge to act out. Simple. It will lose that larger than life feeling. Secondly one realizes that he is a good person even if he is plagued by desires and urges from time to time. So it is not that the taiva becomes less. It does not really change, but it becomes accepted as normal. It therefore is not given so much attention and therefore passes quicker with distractions, reaching out to a chaver, etc. 

17 days clean. Motzei Shabbos is always hard, got taiva now to masterbate, but not gonna give in cuz I know I have support from u all.
Shkoyach!

Left shachris early to take nap before Seder. Bad idea...
Big taiva now, and struggling, very close to the point where the zera comes out, got aroused...
At any other time I would just give in.
But not here. Not now.
Not sure why I’m fighting so hard, I think “is it such a big deal? Does it really matter?”
 I assume it does and I won’t give in

You do know why you are fighting so hard. But right now you're mind isn't allowing you to comprehend it do to the urge. Remind yourself your original reasons. Remember how much happier you are when clean.

Never forget how amazing you are. You are destined for great things my friend. We are rooting for you and becoming inspired. Hang in there, and shtieg away!

                                 Grant

Hope you pulled through o.k.

Look back now and you'll see clearly why you were fighting, and you'll also feel a real satisfaction in the fight you gave. 20 20 vision in hindsight. 

Much Beracha

Yup I did bh. I’m looking back now bh, shkoyach

Please don't watch videos on Youtube besides kosher shiurim. Also If you want to surf the net without seeing any tum'ah, here's what you can do:

On Google Chrome(computer)

1)Click on the three dots in the upper right corner
2)Click on Settings
3)Click on Privacy and security (on the left)
4)Click on Site settings
5)Click on Images (at the bottom of the page)
6)Click on Do not show any images.

Or you can simply copy and paste this into your address bar and go there:
chrome://settings/content/images

Click on 'Do not show any images'.

Refresh the page.

You won't be able to see any images now. You can turn it on any time you want.

(Sometimes it doesn't block the video thumbnails though.)

Please let me know if this was helpful.

tikkunhabrit wrote on 30 Aug 2020 21:08:

Thanks, I mean like, I don’t allow myself any access to YouTube or anything when I’m the one in control (like in Yeshiva).
And though I don’t have a laptop I’ll comment on ur eitza anyway, it seems like it can be turned on or off whenever u want, in which case it seems pretty pointless...
Anyway, thanks for the eitza! Much appreciated, hatzlocha!

It’s amazing how much taiva I have, really incredible.
I want to just do it so bad...
Guess I gotta go to Night Seder early!
Its funny how my Yetzer hara seems to be pushing me to become a Talmud Chacham!

I know HaShem sees me and is proud, it’s just hard especially when my roommates aren’t in the room...

anyway, Thanks everyone!

tikkunhabrit wrote on 30 Aug 2020 21:08:

This is great! But is seems to block everything for me. Like, even now on GYE it doesn't show the reply / past buttons. Still really useful to know.

And Yeshiva Guy, you're doing great. Keep it up!

If you have a decent filter, you should be able to do this more efficiently through your filter settings.