Captain wrote on 06 Oct 2020 12:51:

My kinda guy
Its just a strong voice in my mind right now, I feel debilitated, even though I didn’t actually do much wrong

If my opinion holds any weight, (against the Y"H you never know) I think as much as you are going through, you have a lot going for you as well. You are extremely lucky to have a father who looks out for you and you have all the chevra here too.

That Y"H of yours ain't your friend, as you said he want's to prove that you are weak, but we all know already that your strong as ever. 

You should probably tell him that he will never prove you to be weak to us, because we know the truth and that is that you are as strong as steel.

I guess the truth freaks him out...

Keep fighting and you will be the winner. 

I look to you for inspiration, you give me no excuses.  

A gut moed
Wilnevergiveup

wilnevergiveup wrote on 06 Oct 2020 12:57:

Thank you.
Its just that, it feels like I would’ve been nichshal last night if not for that convo a few months ago where I told my dad to look out for me... (still can’t believe I had the guts to tell him that)
So I feel week cuz otherwise would’ve given in.
Plus, i just feel immature, like I needed someone else to step in.

Or maybe I’m just human...

YeshivaGuy wrote:

I actually pay hundreds of dollars a year to a company to lock me out of inappropriate content on all my devices. Without them I would be nichshal. Does that make me weak and immature -or- strong and mature for actually facing my weakness and preparing for a bad day? You had the strength to tell your father what you told him, because you knew that during a rough day you will need his assistance. B"H it paid beautiful dividends! 

I vote strength. 

I vote maturity. 

I vote you.

                                   Grant

Wow this is an incredible thread. I strongly agree with the amazing points made here.

It's amazing that you were be able to identify these thoughts as coming from the Yetzer Hara. So you probably already know this. But it's the Yetzer Hara's plan with an end game, which is to make you feel weak and unmotivated so the next time you will give in. It's so important that you fight this and say that he's wrong and be convinced about it. 

I can't recommend more that you read Appendix A from the Battle of the Generation (guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation). It provides such clear guidance for how to overcome this and show yourself that the Yetzer Hara is lying to you. As usual.

Captain wrote on 06 Oct 2020 13:42:

Thanks, workin on that... Hard to fight these negative thoughts though...
Bezras HaShem I’ll check out the link
Thanks buddy

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Oct 2020 13:01:

As an objective third party here, the way I'm reading the scenario is that Hashem loves you so much that He's finding different creative way to protect you from giving in.  You are so blessed to have this open relationship with your father.  Maybe start a short daily mussur seder with him focusing on shemriras einayim?  Crazy idea, or not so crazy.....

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Oct 2020 13:01:

That means that Hashem is really looking after you!

Dave M wrote on 06 Oct 2020 14:18:

Shkoyach thanks.
Ya that idea’s a bit much for me but thanks

Baruch HaShem the sewage has been cleaned!

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Oct 2020 16:50:

Do you make asher yatzar now?

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Oct 2020 16:50:

Shame, you didn't get to reenact the famous story between R' Zushe and the Noam Elimelech where they danced around the toilet because they fulfilled ratzon Hashem even though they couldn't learn...

Keep on smashing it. Ego says I got this, but maturity says I need help. You aren't alone. You have your dad. You have us. And you have Hashem. That isn't weakness, Its your greatest strength. 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Oct 2020 13:01:

I went through a similar situation recently (you can even check out my post about it here). 
Here was a beautiful response from @snowflake.
Snowflake wrote on 30 Jun 2020 13:42:

You need to do your best but all in all you should see how much Hashem loves you and is looking out for you to succeed.

All the best.

Ok folks,

Time for the next nisayon in my journey through the פרוזדור.

Im allowed back in the house!
After 12 days in the RV isolated and 4 days with backed up sewage, I’m back bh in civilization.

Bad news is that there’s internet devices everywhere...
So in some ways will be harder here...
12 days here at home until returning to Yeshiva.
Will I survive?
Only with the help of u guys, my dearest and truest chaveirim.

I must not give an inch.
Not an inch.
I-my Seichel, my Neshama, is in control.
Tov shall rule Rah.
Through סור מרע and עשה טוב.
I’m here for the win.

My Neshama shall not have descended to this world in vain.

״שום תשים עליך מלך״

Honestly, it’s scary, but I know I’m not alone.

Get excited buddies for some more Kavod Shamayim!

כל המקיים את התורה מעוני סופו לקיימה מעושר...
Sounds like you have the right attitude to make through the next two weeks. Do you have a plan to mitigate the risk? Like a kabbala to not use any of the unfiltered devices unless certain conditions are met or something like that?