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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 06:16 #388678

  • yeshivaguy
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Update: Just had a long conversation with a dear friend and mentor of mine from Yeshiva. I have a greater understanding now of where this is coming from. Thank you guys so much for the unconditional support, chizuk, and love. 
For not giving up on me.

The girl asked if we shouldn’t speak anymore etc etc and I held back from responding for a few hours as I went back and forth. I confirmed yes.
And I just this second deleted her contact and what’s much harder, our whole WhatsApp history which is “eventful.”

The subsequent heartache and feelings of loss is profound.
May GOD heal my broken heart and lead me on the path of Holiness, Emes, and Self Love.

YeshivaGuy
Last Edit: 01 Dec 2022 06:18 by yeshivaguy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 06:35 #388680

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Wow. Just caught up on the thread, haven't really been active on here for a couple of weeks, been going through my own stuff which I may or may not post about later on my own thread. But this is so inspiring. I don't know what it's like to deal with the kind of trauma you went through, and I never got this close to meeting a real girl and having this kind of relationship. There's no doubt in my mind that if I had your challenges I would be in a much worse place. But there's a reason G-d gave yours to you. You're clearly up to the task. You are a person deeply in touch with your emotions, with your inner world, with the tension inherent in being a spiritual being in a physical body. You face inner anxieties, trauma, pain and anguish every day, and you valiantly bear your suffering and carry on. Yes, you're far from perfect, but you know when you've gone to far and try to get back on track as soon as possible. You have certain clear red lines you will not cross. In short, you're a striking portrait of the existential angst endemic to the human experience, and you face your demons with a courage many of us here would deem superhuman. 
I have nothing but love and respect for you, and cherish our relationship. I wish you nothing but the best and pray that G-d alleviate your intense pain and give you the clarity and simchas hachayim that you strive for.

Sending hugs,
OivedElokim
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 12:27 #388682

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Yeshiva Guy, you are a hero. An awesome overpowering 21st century nisayon that we know so many guys would rach"l cave into - almost b'onais. We all crave connection and warmth, and the facade that these relationships will provide that are so powerful. You said "No". Would i have done that in your shoes? who knows? I am definitely not sure of where this would have ended up.  When you pushed that delete button, one can only imagine the trauma, confusion, searing pain, and loss that you experienced. But when you pushed that delete button one can also only imagine the awesome ta'anug the Ribono Shel Olam received and the awesome effect this has on our world. Buddy, you set off a nuclear reaction of kedusha in this world that big tzaddikim cannot begin to emulate. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 13:34 #388686

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Dec 2022 06:16:
The girl asked if we shouldn’t speak anymore etc etc and I held back from responding for a few hours as I went back and forth. I confirmed yes.
And I just this second deleted her contact and what’s much harder, our whole WhatsApp history which is “eventful.”

That sounds like an impossible was just possible. You have done a big milestone for something you personally went through, and took it on yourself to overpower it which is incredible. How shocked to see such action, I honestly don't know if I could have said no if I was in a relationship with someone as that. But B"H you beat it and I believe you should congradulate yourself on it because like I said is a huge step in beating this! 
Hatzlacha Raba, keep up your amazing journey, you are yourself that noone can control but you, and you have taken up on it!! WOW!
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 14:29 #388688

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Dec 2022 06:16:
Update: Just had a long conversation with a dear friend and mentor of mine from Yeshiva. I have a greater understanding now of where this is coming from. Thank you guys so much for the unconditional support, chizuk, and love. 
For not giving up on me.

The girl asked if we shouldn’t speak anymore etc etc and I held back from responding for a few hours as I went back and forth. I confirmed yes.
And I just this second deleted her contact and what’s much harder, our whole WhatsApp history which is “eventful.”

The subsequent heartache and feelings of loss is profound.
May GOD heal my broken heart and lead me on the path of Holiness, Emes, and Self Love.

YeshivaGuy

That is incredibly painful to accomplish and a korbon of the highest level.  When you say ואישי ישראל באהבה תקבל ברצון you can definitely have this in mind..... i certainly will!!
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 15:52 #388693

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Hello,

I am at a loss of words...
I read ur post last night before going to sleep and my heart went out for the pain ur going thru, I just begged Hashem to give the strength to be able to resist. and first thing in the morning i checked this thread and i saw the incredible news that u resisted!! u cant imagine how happy I felt....

 I cant begin to imagine the pain the turmoil you went thru having this experience  -  we are all so desperate of getting the warmth the love and  acceptance that women could provide us, and even more so while going thru emotional hardships, And here you had an easy opportunity to get that - although we all know its only temporally, and would only drag us deeper in the whole - and yet you took the beyond human strength and resisted. Ur a Tzadik incomparable!!!!

may Hashem  heal ur broken heart and grant you the pleasure of real life
Last Edit: 01 Dec 2022 15:56 by willdoit.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 16:50 #388695

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Dec 2022 05:53:

DavidT wrote on 30 Nov 2022 20:52:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 30 Nov 2022 06:40:
No intro.
I won’t explain.
Very close to meeting someone in person, real none jewish girl.
Not getting into more right now.

Told her I’m Jewish so we can’t touch, marry etc so won’t work…
So she said we can just be “good friends.”
Not writing more right now.
Yes I know.
Help me to not ruin my life cuz she lives 15 min away and I’ll give in…

Send mussar but only positive mussar.
This happened just now when I began entering into a deeper more painful part of my trauma..
Gn


Tell me how to live a life alive.
To strive for the greatness that is truly mine to own.
Encourage me that I have a future, and even a present, worth living and fighting for.

YeshivaGuy


YeshivaGuy... Can you imagine a life without GYE? Can you imagine a life without "Hashem Help Me" ?
We are one big family here and we are all here for you!
(I know that my posts are not always the greatest... If I would never make any mistakes, I would not have been here in the first place :-) )
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 01 Dec 2022 16:51 by davidt.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 17:03 #388696

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Dec 2022 06:16:
Update: Just had a long conversation with a dear friend and mentor of mine from Yeshiva. I have a greater understanding now of where this is coming from. Thank you guys so much for the unconditional support, chizuk, and love. 
For not giving up on me.

The girl asked if we shouldn’t speak anymore etc etc and I held back from responding for a few hours as I went back and forth. I confirmed yes.
And I just this second deleted her contact and what’s much harder, our whole WhatsApp history which is “eventful.”

The subsequent heartache and feelings of loss is profound.
May GOD heal my broken heart and lead me on the path of Holiness, Emes, and Self Love.

YeshivaGuy

When I learnt this Gemara (Pesachim 113a) I thought about you...
אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן, שְׁלֹשָׁה מַכְרִיז עֲלֵיהֶן הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא בְּכׇל יוֹם: עַל רַוּוֹק הַדָּר בִּכְרַךְ וְאֵינוֹ חוֹטֵא, 
May Hashem heal your broken heart and lead us all on the path of Holiness, Emes, and Self Love.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Dec 2022 19:21 #388706

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Dec 2022 06:16:
The girl asked if we shouldn’t speak anymore etc etc and I held back from responding for a few hours as I went back and forth. I confirmed yes.
And I just this second deleted her contact and what’s much harder, our whole WhatsApp history which is “eventful.”

Incredible beating the nisayon, earlier I didn't really know what was it all about in detail, now I see where the convo and connection has gone with, and I am in full out silence to see you broke through that when you were so close and easily reachable. WOWW Idk what to say you really have done something insane, I am not in such a nisayon, but if someone were I honestly don't know if they can break it as you did. Thank Hashem for gye if that was a factor in helping you succeed. Bravo I am in a loss of words for real!
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid
Last Edit: 01 Dec 2022 19:22 by emes-a-yid.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Dec 2022 15:38 #388774

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Hi YeshivaGuy, how is your day going? 
I decided to share some great words of chizuk from the Steipler z"l (every YeshivaGuy likes to hear something from the Steipler - no?)

Don’t Despair!

It is crucial that one not give in to despair, chas v’shalom. One must constantly place his hope in Hashem to help him [to prevail over his yetzer hara]. Is anything beyond Hashem’s power? And Chazal have taught us: “One who seeks to purify himself will be granted Heavenly assistance.”

Don’t Dwell on the Past

It is crucial that one not be depressed (over his past sins), nor should he give thought to the past at all until after his marriage, which is the appropriate time to give thought to making amends [for these sins]. Rather than be depressed, one should be happy that he merits serving Hashem. Depression can lead to sin, r”l.

He Will Repair Everything

At a time when a person is in the heat of passion and restrains himself because the Torah forbids it, he draws upon himself a holy radiance whose enormous power is beyond measure, and he is akin to Yosef HaTzaddik, who sanctified Hashem’s Name in private.

Someone who has prevailed over his yetzer hara many times, though he has stumbled many times, can rest assured that ultimately, he will repair everything [i.e. his spiritual blemishes in this area] through teshuvah, in merit of the times that he has been the victor.

The suffering and anguish that one experiences because he has been unable to serve Hashem properly, or because he has been guilty of a particular sin, r”l, is like an altar of atonement and is as precious before Hashem as if he had performed a mitzvah, for רַחְמָנָא לִיבָּא בָּעִי (it is our hearts that Hashem desires).



Someone once came to the Steipler to complain about this problem. So the Steipler asked him "Are there times that you're misgaber" so he answered "usually I fail". So the Steipler asked again "And are there times that you're misgaber" so he answered "Yes, but rarely" so the Steipler explained to him that every time you pass the test it's a Kinyan that's yours to keep. The times that you fail are erasable. This the exact opposite of what the devious, sly yetzer Hora always tells us: that it's all worthless if we eventually fall. Don't believe him, it's a big lie.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 02 Dec 2022 15:40 by davidt.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Dec 2022 16:01 #388776

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Great post, @davidt! I’m really getting a lot of chizuk from the GYE guys this erev Shabbos! Have a beautiful Shabbos. TG

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Dec 2022 16:07 #388778

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DavidT wrote on 02 Dec 2022 15:38:
Hi YeshivaGuy, how is your day going? 
I decided to share some great words of chizuk from the Steipler z"l (every YeshivaGuy likes to hear something from the Steipler - no?)

Don’t Despair!

It is crucial that one not give in to despair, chas v’shalom. One must constantly place his hope in Hashem to help him [to prevail over his yetzer hara]. Is anything beyond Hashem’s power? And Chazal have taught us: “One who seeks to purify himself will be granted Heavenly assistance.”

Don’t Dwell on the Past

It is crucial that one not be depressed (over his past sins), nor should he give thought to the past at all until after his marriage, which is the appropriate time to give thought to making amends [for these sins]. Rather than be depressed, one should be happy that he merits serving Hashem. Depression can lead to sin, r”l.

He Will Repair Everything

At a time when a person is in the heat of passion and restrains himself because the Torah forbids it, he draws upon himself a holy radiance whose enormous power is beyond measure, and he is akin to Yosef HaTzaddik, who sanctified Hashem’s Name in private.

Someone who has prevailed over his yetzer hara many times, though he has stumbled many times, can rest assured that ultimately, he will repair everything [i.e. his spiritual blemishes in this area] through teshuvah, in merit of the times that he has been the victor.

The suffering and anguish that one experiences because he has been unable to serve Hashem properly, or because he has been guilty of a particular sin, r”l, is like an altar of atonement and is as precious before Hashem as if he had performed a mitzvah, for רַחְמָנָא לִיבָּא בָּעִי (it is our hearts that Hashem desires).



Someone once came to the Steipler to complain about this problem. So the Steipler asked him "Are there times that you're misgaber" so he answered "usually I fail". So the Steipler asked again "And are there times that you're misgaber" so he answered "Yes, but rarely" so the Steipler explained to him that every time you pass the test it's a Kinyan that's yours to keep. The times that you fail are erasable. This the exact opposite of what the devious, sly yetzer Hora always tells us: that it's all worthless if we eventually fall. Don't believe him, it's a big lie.


this is what i wrote on the other thread; you are not what you choose (unless maybe you choose well). i know, i'm not the steipler, just perverted trouble, so why listen to me?
i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 03 Dec 2022 17:21 #388814

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Trouble wrote on 02 Dec 2022 16:07:
this is what i wrote on the other thread; you are not what you choose (unless maybe you choose well). i know, i'm not the steipler, just perverted trouble, so why listen to me?

I think "perverted trouble"= help,no?
Off the forum for now.
My Thread (Not for inspiration, but for random bits and pieces of my journey, as well as the inspiring responses of others: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/375514-Enough-is-Enough
jackthejewgye@gmail.com
There are tips, tools, and techniques, but there are no shortcuts.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! ~ Groucho Marx
Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.-Voltaire
You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.- Abraham Lincoln
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.- Yogi Berra
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information." ~ Calvin

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 04 Dec 2022 06:29 #388846

Wow I’m soooo impressed with you, YG. I can’t even start to imagine the amount of temptation this nisoyon has brought you… and you held yourself together and YOU overcame it!!!! You’re an extraordinary model for all of us out here struggling with our personal battles.
Wanna return your own words as a brachah: May GOD heal your broken heart and lead you on the path of Holiness, Emes, and Self Love.
p.s. We love u too!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Dec 2022 07:15 #388939

  • yeshivaguy
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No intro.
I’m Back.
In blood I engrave now on my forehead with tears in my eyes:
״יש לי חלק באלוקי ישראל״
Last Edit: 05 Dec 2022 07:16 by yeshivaguy.
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