Was just offered a (unfiltered) IPad to use during my time in the RV (another week).
I said “that’s the last thing I need right now”

Thats a win fellas!
Not sure what I’m gonna do in this RV for the next week, but I’m sure not gonna ruin my relationship with HaShem!!

YeshivaGuy wrote on 29 Sep 2020 14:56:

Awesome!!!!

YeshivaGuy you need to build a shlak on your RV. Guys - whoever is positive please come in and give a hand :-)

YeshivaGuy wrote on 29 Sep 2020 14:56:

Beautiful. Super. Supreme. Wonderful. Amazing. Gorgeous. Delicious. Golden. Spectacular. Magnificent. Huge. Tremendous. Incredible. Superb. Sublime. Awesome. Fabulous. Heart stopping. Marvelous. Breathtaking. Staggering. Stunning. Stupefying. Flabbergasting. Jaw dropping. Mind boggling. Stunning. Eye opening. Prodigious. Stunning. Extraordinary. Sensational. Wondrous. Galvanizing. Invigorating. Outstanding. Phenomenal. Energizing. Enlightening. Invigorating. Striking.

                                  Grant 

Been learning, would take a nap cuz tired but full of taiva.. so prob not good idea to get into bed...
Kinda stuck, I can try to keep learning but a lot of taiva...

I can’t imagine myself being nichshal, but that’s prob the Yetzer speaking to get me to go into bed...

Trying to learn out loud, but feeling my bones weaken and a deep taiva to just touch...
I know I’m stronger than this, But it’s so difficult...

Bh a good day.
Managed to learn, not be nichshal etc
Though I watched the debate tonight, bad move cuz I’ve been super into politics since 2016, and I’ve seen my Emuna and Bitachon suffer as a result...
Ive started seriously thinking that we’ll be doomed unless...
When really it’s all in Hashems hands.
Since detaching from politics my life has been happier and my Emunas stronger.
Not to mention I’ve been able to concentrate way better in Learning.

Its hard when it seems that if someone’s elected then... But I guess that’s the Nisayon of Teva! To maintain that there’s ״פנים בתוך ההסתר

 So I feel kinda gross cuz went back to that train of thought that we need ** elected president else, and I started looking for articles to say that ** will win and started getting worried about polls saying ** will lose.
And that’s not good.
For anxiety. Happiness. And for my Avodas HaShem.
I watched the debate as a “break” to inhance my Avodas HaShem. But now I see it’s the opposite..,

These are the dangers of immersing oneself in secular society and culture, because it all revolves around ״כוחי ועוצם ידי עשה לי את החיל הזה״
And I used to think I wouldn’t be influenced, but I see that I have...

May we all be zoche to have true Emuna and Bitachon in HaShem Yisborach and realize that  the economy, social stability etc is decided not by the candidates but by HaShem Yisborach.

Thank You

Was just sitting eating lunch and was thinking what to do next.
The first thing to come to mind was to masterbate cuz it’s geshmak.
Weird.
I guess what I need is more healthy outlets- ways to relax etc other than masterbating...

But like, a part of me says “dude u got corona ur exausted from it- hard to get out of bed. Just do it- enjoy a little bit- ur putting urself through extra pain for no reason. Ur alone in an rv for already 5 days and got a week to go! Chill man, tell ur parents to send over the laptop and enjoy abit”

Something tells me though that that’s not the side of me I should be listening to...

YeshivaGuy wrote on 30 Sep 2020 04:09:

I strongly identify with this. I too began following politics as a hobby/outlet and failed to see how detrimental it can be emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes I feel like Its hard to find a harmless outlet. But it’s definitely a very hard habit to break, based on my experience...

YeshivaGuy wrote on 30 Sep 2020 18:49:

That something is right. Please listen to it...

OivedElokim wrote on 30 Sep 2020 20:19:

Thanks I’m trying.
Its hard though cuz I’m also so lonely in this rv and there’s only so long I can speak to a friend on the phone...

Do you have any kosher forms of entertainment or otherwise keeping busy? It doesn’t have to be learning or something holy. It could be anything that interests you. Even following politics is better then sinning...
It may be important for you to keep that in mind...

OivedElokim wrote on 30 Sep 2020 20:30:

Prob is I’m so so exhausted from this virus so can’t go on a walk etc.
I really don’t wanna do politics, it gives me anxiety and takes away my Emuna... 
Maybe I’ll find a way to get history vids or somethin...

But the way to do that would be for my dad to unlock my AppStore for a sec, and I’m worried to do that cuz I’ll have massive taiva to also download other bad apps...

Its just so easy to get Internet all I gotta do is ask,
and even without it I can masterbate...

Ur right though I need a kosher outlet, just havin hard time findin one

You see to be caught between a rock and a hard place. I would say that if history videos is your last line of defense against falling, then try to get a hold of them without falling. (Please post as soon as your back in the safe zone).

Hey @yeshivaguy, I feel for you. I too stopped smelling and tasting last Friday and have been at home since then. Obviously not the same situation as you but I can relate in a certain sense to being stuck inside with nothing to do on top of the fact that I am not feeling the greatest. 

My default when I am bored still is, lets do what I used to do, to feel good and kill time. But I must tell myself that I can expect more from myself. 

I don't want to sound preachy but it really will help (if you have not implemented this yet) to make some goals, a plan and a daily schedule. 

Be creative with finding new projects, there are so many things you can get into. Check out udemy.com for ideas like beer brewing, wine tasting, wood working, music or whatever you may be interested in. This may be a great time to learn something new.

Btw I there is a great recourse here called Glatweb.com that has a few decent kosher movies and some slightly more decent documentaries. It's a google drive folder, take a look if you haven't seen this yet.

Something that I implemented is that I allow myself to watch something clean or pend time reading and wasting time but I must learn at least 20 minutes before I start and at least 20 minutes for every 2 hours (or whatever numbers work for you). 

I wish I could help you more, you are a real warrior, please keep us posted.

Wilnevergiveup