I've been on the forum from the sidelines for quite some time, but this is the first time I post on the site. I just had to say "Good for you!" Really. Good for you!

For myself, the way I recall the first time I watched was because I was curious. Then it was 95% curiosity, 5% desire. Then 90% curiosity, 10% desire. You get the idea.

Now, I have no curiosity. And whatever I still remember I want erased. Because here's the thing- it's all a lie. It's not even real. It's fake. It's scripted. It's doctored. It's. All. A. Lie. And that's just in gashmius. How much more so in ruchnius! See here: https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/chizuk/item/difference-between-gashmius-and-ruchnius

With all the steps you've taken so far, on some level, I personally believe that this is like Avraham's "Lech Lecha" moment. You (and your brother) are in my tefillos.

Aaron1 wrote on 11 Aug 2020 01:27:

Welcome

You write really nicely. 

Why don't you open your thread where you can post your own progress? 
You sound you are taking big steps so I'm sure you have great chizzuk to share with all of us.

I cannot emphasise enough how helpful it is to come out and share. 

Hatzlacha 

I just fell.
Watched some bad movie clips on YouTube and did M...
A few more days to Yeshiva.
I will Rise.
Thank you all for the chizuk and support.

You can do it! One day at a time!

Falls happen unfortunately. But you only fell because you were high. You have an amazing attitude and mindblowing self control as seen in your earlier posts. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back in the battle. 

To quote Avraham Fried: "This is one fight you won't regret ".

I posted this some time back in the topic "I will never stop trying " by icandothis18:

Life isn't built with records and streaks,
its seconds and minutes, hours and weeks.


                             Grant

YeshivaGuy wrote on 11 Aug 2020 23:43:

Such an amazing attitude! I'm jealous of your chavrusa.

Does anyone know where YeshivaGuy went?
Did he make it to yeshivah? 
Come back brother!

Hey I’m back buddy I’m here.
bezras Hashem I start Yeshiva Wednesday night.
Though I’ll be WAY WAY safer there, unfortunately I’ll need to bring my iPhone there this zman because I’ve been having some health issues so will need it to do telehealth (zoom doctors etc).
But bh I don’t have a browser, App Store blocked.
The only remaining prob is that there’s gifs on WhatsApp, and that there’s a way to be able to watch movie trailers (through ways that even gentech didn’t know about  and couldn’t block when I told them).
But bh I managed to block it through the “downtime” feature on IPhone... (but it’s only blocked during downtime, which covers me during the night but still...)
But nonetheless it’s a better situation, and I hope to still check in here and update the awesome people here.
Shkoyach!

Hi YeshivaGuy,

Sounds like your doing great. I'm in yeshiva to, but I'm not going back for a while yet. I admire your resolve and commitment.
The effort your going through to filter and block on your device is incredible. Takes willpower to commit to change.

Keep on updating. You're a massive inspiration. And may Hashem send you a speedy refuah shelaima.

Hi YeshivaGuy,



From what I understand, you already did that, but just to be sure, here is how to secure your iPhone :

1. Download all the apps (safe ones) that you need

2. Activate the Screen Time function

Then, in the "Content and privacy restrictions" section :

3. Block the possibility to download new apps

4. For web content, block everything except the allowed URL, and specify which are the safe URLs that you will need

5. Ask your parents, or brother, or Yechiva friend to setup a code that will prevent you to change the settings. If ever you need to change something (for exemple, add a new URL) simply ask that person to do it for you



If that is not enough, you could also / instead use a powerful filter, like Netspark or Gentech. Expensive, but efficient.



Best

Thank you so much. I did that Baruch HaShem.
Though there’s no way to block gifs on WhatsApp (I’ve spoken at length to gentech about it)...
Im so amazed by the care that everyone expresses here about each other’s Avodas HaShem. Ashreinu!

Thanks

Hmm maybe you could consider simply getting rid of WhatsApp, at least temporarily ?

You could communicate with your family / friends with mails for example ? Which in my opinion is a noble way to communicate, where you dedicate time to read and write to the recipient. Like a good old handwritten letter.

It is overall more suited to the Yechiva context, because WhatsApp entices you to check your phone every hour or so, often just to read and say things that are not so important, taking you out of your Torah Mikva.

With mails, you can dedicate a specific time every day or week to reply to your family and friends, where you can focus on the essential. Once you've sent your mail(s), your mind is then fully available for Torah learning.

And if your Yechiva is in Israel and your family is abroad, and you need to call them before Chabbat, or send them text messages, I am sure you can easily buy a simcard allowing you to communicate from Israel to anywhere your family is.

Ya I hear that. I’m in America.
iPhone has a thing called downtime which shuts off the phone during a set time slot, so I’ll make it cover more time throughout the day so I won’t be able to access it.
I hear what ur saying about getting rid of WhatsApp, I mean, though I’d only be able to use it like an hour a day (cuz I’ll extend downtime), and obviously my phone is always in the dorms, I hear what ur saying.
That may be a hard decision I’ll have to make

Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome. 
  
                                 Grant

Hey guys, well tomorrow I head to Yeshiva (going a day early), and I want to thank you all for the chizuk and support.

I emerge from this 5 month period at home not unscathed.
I return to the Bais Hamedrash limping, but with my head held high.
I have fallen at times, but, thanks to everyone here, and much siyata dishmaya, I haven’t been on porn sites (something I felt was inevitable being home for so long).

Im glad I came here, and I do intend, bezras Hashem to keep updating, and sticking around, as certainly new challenges tend to arise.

I now have reached another step in my journey.
My goal was never and will never be to “just make it to Yeshiva,”  To just “avoid temptation”
But rather to become a true Oved HaShem, an elevated individual, inside and out.

Thank you all, and I anticipate continuing this journey together.