Thank you for the quick and detailed response Grant. So good to have you here. Hope your keeping up o.k. (judging by your streak you haven't fallen, baruch Hashem. May you keep this up forever.)



Your 2nd point is so right its crazy. Just this morning I had a bit of stress (someone sat in my makom kevuah, bit awkward to tell him to move) and when I got home I felt much more like acting out then I've felt throughout the week. Baruch Hashem I didn't, but i do need to keep on guard. Seems I spoke to soon, yetzer may not have left just yet.



For point 3, its again spot on. Boredom can be a big issue. I'll have tot try and make activities or projects for bein hazamanim, bli neder, to keep me busy.



Point 4 is true as well, I sort off slipped back into my old schedule after falling which made life easier,



Point 1 is interesting. Often it happens the other way around, that I'm learning o.k. and the yetzer just hits me. He also  seems to be stronger after an n.e. Could just be me though.



Thanks again for the reply. GYE may be what saved me this morning, and you especially Grant are my major chizuk, Keep up the good work, and let do this together.

Hey! Thanx for the update. Its so inspiring!

So anyway you're saying about point 1 that sometimes it's the opposite. That when you learn well that's davka when the Y"h wakes from his slumber...interesting point....I know a guy who always says that he can only do aveiros after a solid day of learning. Then he says it's a "geshmake aveira". If he didn't learn well then he just feels disgusting if hes also nichshal. Go figure. (If anyone has an explanation I'd love to hear it. I'm thinking about this concept for many years and I almost might understand it in a warped kind of way   maybe something to do with less guilt. 

Just as a side point. What I find really helpful (people have mentioned here numerous times) in these situations or when feeling really tempted is to remind myself why I don't want to act out. I think about the reasons I initially stopped and why it's so stupid to indulge for a few minutes of pleasure followed by boatloads of remorse and pain. (I literally do this a few times a day.)

           Grant

Thanks for the great advice! There's a great forum for this at the top of the Break Free section called 90,000 Reasons not to act out... in 20 Words or Less. Definitely worth a read

Baruch Hashem, still clean.

Hardest day yet. I think I 'opened my mouth to the satan' earlier and that was foolish. I'm not out of the danger zone yet. 
Thanks for the advice Grant. And you captain. Hope you both have success and happiness.. 
Night all.

Lets try and have a good solid day. Hatzlocha to all.

Baruch Hashem, a good day. Hope all is good by you guys as well.

Thank G-d, all going well. Hatzlocha all.

Awesome! Keep updating!     

Woops, didn't update yesterday. Baruch Hashem still going o.k, couple of slips but no fall. Thanks for the support Grant.

No falls today thank G-d. Hope everyone's o.k.

Thank Hashem, still going well.

Shalom Aleichem fellow Yeshiva Bochur! I just read through your entire thread and am blown away by your resolve and strength. Kol HaKavod!
I just want to point out one thing. You keep mentioning how "you're not safe from the Yetzer Hora yet". My friend, we are never safe from the Yetzer Hora. This will always be a part of you, it is the way Hashem created us. Now what I just said may be very discouraging, when I was first told it I honestly slipped into Yeiush. But now I understand it. When you walk next to a busy avenue are you ever safe from it? No. If you run into the street chances are you will get hit by a car c"v. But we don't because since we were very young we were taught the dangers and trained ourselves to stay away, basically to the point that we can't even get ourselves to run into a busy street. But the danger is still there. Our goal is to train ourselves on the dangers of the Yetzer Hora and to keep away from giving in. And then with time and effort and Siyatta Dishmaya we will get to the point where we will be much more in control. The danger will always be there, but we can be one step ahead of it. 
Keep up the amazing work!

Wow. Last few days have been pretty awful. I've not really gone on this site as my yetzer attacked me from early in the morning, convincing me to stay clear. 

Its so embarrassing admitting these failures. I look at other counts just going higher, and I wonder if mine deserves to go up to. i don't know if what i've done classes as falls or 'just' slips. The yetzer got me with some more innocent photos etc and its just gotten worse and worse. I'm unsure if I should reset my counter (I only unintentionally saw any nudity, and no porn or masturbation B.H., But I did go on some pretty bad sites, with some brief erotic sound.)

O.K. But to focus on the past is never the avoda of a yid. So how can I fix this up? First I want to go back to being active on the forum more, and not just on my own thread, but on others to. Seeing everyone working together is a great motivator for me.

Secondly, I want to clarify my gedarim of what is a fall and a slip for me. Hopefully this will help me not to say 'that's not a fall! It has to be way worse to be a fall.' So, as of now, here goes. I'll consider a fall if I masturbate to completion, or access a porn or erotica site (or any site with nudity) for more than 3 seconds, i.e. see site, register inappropriate, click off. Slips will be like going onto inappropriate pictures that are 'officially' sfw, or to masturbate not to completion. After 3 slips is a fall, or after 1 slip more than 10 mins.

Thirdly, I want to fill out some of the worksheets that help us keep our priorities in check. the 12 steps style ones. 

If anyone has an advice on what my gedarim should be (if they are too lenient or strict,) please let me know. Or any other advice. It would be very appreciated. Thanks to all of you. I think this site is what saved me from falling all the way.

May Hashem look down at GYE, be meorer his rachamim, and bring moshiach speedily in our days.

GYE has guidelines on the 90 day chart what is considered a fall.

My totally unprofessional opinion on the matter is to not analyze so much what is a fall or a slip. I find when I am busy focusing on defining stuff like that, I end up falling.

Masturbation with completion would be considered a fall for me, as well as willingly searching and viewing porn. Accidentally looking at porn, or when I get sucked into a rabbit hole of spaceless browsing, I wouldn't consider a fall, even if it is more than 10 minutes, as long as it didn't hit my head that something is wrong.

I find it very hard to deal with the Y"H, who tells me that I might as well spend 3 hours looking and touching, since I fell already.

Again, take this with a grain of salt and do what works best for you.

Hatzlocha

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 29 Jul 2020 10:14:

See below the guidelines from GYE on a fall vs a slip:
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What constitutes a "Fall" to require restarting the count?
There are "slips" and there are "falls". "Slips" do not require restarting the count. "Falls" do require restarting.
A "Fall" is one of the following things:

1. Intentional masturbation (with finish)
2. Intentionally viewing improper sites
3. Intentionally calling inappropriate telephone numbers
4. Intentionally seeking out and reading erotica

In regard to number 2 (and 4), if someone saw something by mistake and then got a little bit carried away and kept looking at it, or even if someone saw a link and couldn't resist clicking on it but then catches themselves within a few seconds, that would only be considered a "slip", not a "fall". However, if someone decides to actively pursue viewing, that would be considered a fall.
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I agree with Lionking to try not to get to caught up in the exact rules or not.  It's an honor system.  I think deep down we know when we fall or slip.  Based on what you wrote, it seems that you didn't fall.  But you've had some close calls.  Why do you think that is?  Is there something triggering you?  You've noted that the mornings seems to be the most challenging time.  Taking a step back, what practical steps do you think can be done to "protect" the mornings?  I personally recently took upon myself the TaPHSIC method, which I find to be helping me.  Are you familiar with that tool?