Hey! first time on the website- this is so incredible... 1st day on the 90 day thing. This has gone waaaaay too far. I feel so filthy and unholy.... this stuff eats my brain and just sucks me out of needing to deal with anything. All the bad mussar shmuzen i have ever heard are playing in my head on repeat. I really want to want to get out of this... like really... its so hard to work up the motivation when its so easy to fall into, and such a perfect escape from reality... but i know its so awful
could anyone offer some advice/support

I am old new on here, one thing you should know, that you came to the right place.
The fact you are here by choice you should be proud of your self, if there is a will there is a way.
good luck brother.

tcrvo wrote on 22 Jun 2020 00:24:


I second that and good luck. Also take it one day at a time, I'm going to warn you right now that the first week for many of us is extremely difficult due to our brains being hardwired somewhat because of how deep we are in this nisayon. Be prepared and make a game plan. Falling is only human.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!!

Thank you so much it really means a lot 

Check out The Battle of the Generation (guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation). You'll really like it. Especially check out Appendix A. It has lots of good advice for dealing with the Yetzer Hara making you crazy with excessive guilt

Just to add my beracha for your hatzlocha

Hi, Im 30 days old, so it feels. I was reborn 30 days ago when I signed up to this journey of 90 days in conjunction with the tafshik program. I can't say it's been easy but it's definitely worth it  I'm starting to feel that I'm getting back control of my life, as if someone else was driving recklessly and I overpowered him and took the wheel in to my own hands. For me the main help is to keep the motivation up by reading up on gye all about it, and keeping in mind the reason s I had to stop these behaviours. I'm happy to be InTouch as a partner if you want so that we can support each other through this roller coaster ride. My email is 90days4ever@gmail.com

First, try to get off the "guilt - teshuve" cycle, it's mamash a roadblock.
G-d doesn't hate you for falling, he pities you. He doesn't want teshuva right now. He wants you to be clean for yourself, like a loving Tate wants his kid to live a happy and fulfilling life. Teshuva can and will come later.
So try to embrace that, that you will have a much better life while clean.
To achieve that, it's worthwhile taking a look at why have you failed so far. Is it an unfiltered phone? Loneliness? Triggers? Are you an addict? (there is a nafka mina if you are). Try to make a plan, and don't worry about getting it right the first time. It's common to start the journey and have some falls in the way. Just brush off depression and get practical. Keep coming everyday here too, helps you keep motivated.
Hatzloche!

  Hey there! Welcome! Your courage is obvious and I wish you much success!
  
I'm new here also so I might be missing the boat, but I want to share an idea I read that really helped me out in all areas of desire. By that I mean wherever it isn't intellect that is causing you to do or not do something, but rather desire or emotion.

Especially capitalizing on a moment when you hit rock bottom and the cons are so obviously not outweighing the pros. The method is to sit down and think through or write down all the pros (of the issue you are dealing with) including the "bad" pros. For example even the mere fact that you enjoy it and find it so pleasurable can go on the list of benefits. Then you write the cons and why you don't want to or shouldn't continue. So now after having weighed the issue on a purely intellectual level, Make a decision if you want to continue with this practice or not. Obviously the cons are more considerable because if not you wouldn't be making this list. So now you already decided the fight and struggle that will crop up in the future!

Now, when faced with the challenge head on it isn't as tough a fight as it was before because you say to yourself " Yes I know how desirable it is and how good I'll feel but I already took all that into consideration and decided that I have more to lose, and more unhappy and unpleasant feelings in the long run than the feelings which drive me now.

So once it's a nice neat packaged decision -not of yiras shamayim or that it's wrong and I shouldn't.....etc. that we know unfortunately can get steamrolled by desire... but rather a purely mathematical analysis that has already been determined-of losing out more than gaining, of less pleasure vs. more pleasure (in the future) it may seem much easier to say no without further vacillation even in the face of such intense desire. Ihope I've been a help and don't just sound like an idealist; )
         
                                   Grant

it looks as though youre on a journey, maybe you want to update on your progress,
evereyone falls....

How you been Brother?

Thank you for reaching out to me @Yeshiva guy...
it’s been really hard... I’ve been falling and starting over , having a bunch of clean days then falling again.... 
Getting sick of this §!?#@$ 
when I’m not in it it’s so repulsive.... but somehow as soon as I have been out of it long enough to feel holy, free, empowered and whatever... I get sucked back in.
I hate it. And I hate what it does to me

I understand the feeling, the cycle, I really do.

1.You must understand that you are human. A human has a Yetzer Hara which makes “good” seem like “bad” and “bad” seem like “good.”
So the fact that sometimes u feel u wanna do it even though usually u know intellectually that it’s bad, doesn’t mean you’re crazy or weak.

It means you are human.

Now, we must prepare however for the times when our judgment is blurred by the Yetzer.
That is where filters and identifying triggers come in.

So perhaps you can tell us when, where, and with what you struggle, and then we may approach this accordingly.


With love and hope,

YeshivaGuy

I have a “whitelist” filter for a tablet I have for school/work/ and whatnot ( meaning only certain websites are allowed) but it needs constant updating as new things come up so that I can access all the positive things... SO...
ill ask for the person who has the password to type it in so that I can access some clean site for whatever productive thing I’m doing,,, and then I just need to switch it back on and everything’s kosher vyosher ...but I always just keep the filter off for a few minutes... a few cant kill me right? Then I just get sucked down the drain into everything assur before I can think about it 

A Brother wrote on 14 Dec 2020 17:50:

Yup, same here.
And then right after he puts in the code I just happen to need to use the bathroom...

Is the person with the code a close friend? If yes, perhaps you can tell him the struggle you have and get him to be on top of you after putting in the code.

Thats what I did, now I still have lied to his face and said “yup, not downloading anything bad no worries.”
But it helps