Here are some tips for strengthening bitachon that might help...

Choose a phrase to repeat out loud for a minute or two each morning. You can adapt the phrases to your own language.  Write the phrase on an index card and put it somewhere you will see it each morning.  Some people tape the card to their car dashboard or computer.



(ז) בָּרוּךְ הַגֶּבֶר אֲשֶׁר יִבְטַח בַּיהֹוָה וְהָיָה יְהֹוָה מִבְטַחוֹ:



(ח) וְהָיָה כְּעֵץ שָׁתוּל עַל מַיִם וְעַל יוּבַל יְשַׁלַּח שָׁרָשָׁיו וְלֹא יִרְאֶ \{יִרְאֶה\} כִּי יָבֹא חֹם וְהָיָה עָלֵהוּ רַעֲנָן וּבִשְׁנַת בַּצֹּרֶת לֹא יִדְאָג וְלֹא יָמִישׁ מֵעֲשׂוֹת פֶּרִי:



 Blessed is the person who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.  For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, and that spreads out its roots by the river, and shall not see when the heat comes, but its leaf shall be green; and shall not be anxious in the year of drought, nor shall it cease from yielding fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:7-8)



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Set aside five to ten minutes at some point in the day to either journal or do the hitbodedut practice answering these questions.


What good point did you notice in yourself or others regarding bitachon in your change efforts?



What choice point did you have regarding effort and trust?



What is your state of renewal or despair regarding social change right now?



How is your Bitachon aligned or not with your understanding at this moment of God’s will for you or what the universe is calling for from you right now?



How is your level of Bitachon expressing or working against your own deep desire/will?

Hi ASJ

I feel your pain. A few years back, right at this time of year, I was hit with a very challenging time. I was doing great in Yeshiva, putting all of my efforts into Avodas Hakodesh, when suddenly, I started experiencing panic attacks during shiur and during davening. Believe me it was not fun and it greatly hampered my ability to function. In fact, it turned my till then normal life, upside down. Both davening and learning came much harder to me. For quiet a while I felt a strong disconnect to Avodas Hashem and even anger towards Hashem Himself.

Over time, though, I've come to accept (at least in part), that as painful as it was, it was part of what I needed. And just like a doctor might perform painful surgery to his patient for the patient's own benefit, so too Hashem performs painful 'surgeries' on us too. I know this analogy is cliché, but it is worthwhile reminding ourselves of this idea. 'Es Hashem Ye'ehav Hashem Yoichiach'.

In times of pain, it becomes easier for us to let go of ourselves. When there is nothing to sooth us, including perhaps the idea of Hashem as well (when we feel we've done everything for Him and he's not reciprocating), we desperately are looking for some comfort. That was the case by me at least. Unfortunately, I ended up doing some stupid things I regretted afterwards. In hindsight none of them were worth it. (Nothing life-threatening, mind you, but stupid nonetheless.) Sometimes it's really hard, but at least we should try not to do things we know we'll regret afterwards.

But if we do end up doing something stupid after all, it's worthwhile reminding ourselves that we're human and we shouldn't kick ourselves so much in the stomach. Let's just brush off the dust and get back up, as painful as getting back up may be. Pain in life is inevitable, our perspective on pain, though, is our choice. And if we know this in advance, it can greatly help us deal with it.

Another idea worth mentioning is the ring that Shlomo Hamelech used to have on his finger. It said: "Gam ze ya'avor". Whatever trials and tribulations we're going through in life no matter how terrifying they seem, will eventually come to an end. It might take a month, it might take a year or even a couple of years. But eventually it'll pass.

I hope that you get through the current challenging times very soon and that you'll truly experience that super-sweet year bekorov mamash.

Keep strong.

AM

Thank you so much DavidT, these are some really great eitzas, some of the best I have seen on the issue, for something that I have personally been struggling with recently, so it really means the world to me that you would take the time to comment on my post, and be''h this approach will help a lot! Truly thank you so much!

anonymousmillenial wrote on 23 Sep 2021 19:33:


Thank you so much AM!! Truly one of, if not the, best message I have received here on GYE. Sometimes the most comforting feeling is knowing that someone totally understands how you feel and has even been there before. 

And your cliche mashal is great and one I definitely tell it to myself all the time. I just have to work on being more patient as the surgery is taking place. And I know from my lived experiences that often what seems to be the worst thing for us ends up being the biggest beracha, but even still, it's hard to have that clarity in the midst of it. 

Trying my best, at least I hope I really am. 

Again, I would like to thank you again for your comforting words, they really mean more to me than you could imagine

AStrugglingJew wrote on 23 Sep 2021 17:15:

Why don't you try the Living Emunah books from Rabbi David Ashear? They're great

I have been reading through your posts captivated by your journey. I have nothing but complete admiration for you. Your honesty and strength through this struggle is truly remarkable. As a single guy you went over 300 days at a time. Yes you might have fallen recently but can we just stop a second.. As a single guy you went over 300 days clean. I cannot get over that. It is incredible. Draw strength from that. Hashem is listening to your Tefillos there is no doubt about that. I hope and pray that in you will find a Zivug Hagon and build a Bayis Neeman B'Yisrael. 

300 days.. wow. You are truly amazing. May Hashem bless you with strength and Siyata Dishmaya to get through this challenge.  As has been said by others Gam Ze Yaavor, you will get through this. B'Ezras Hashem you will be Matzliach.

Just had a fall after 8 days. Such a stupid one. This one was less because of crazy amount of tayva, and more from general stress and trying to escape that and make myself feel better, and because my streak was still relatively pretty fresh it didn't feel like that big of a deal to fall again. I wasted so much time this morning so that I would be able to have a great pleasure, some menuchas nefesh, my hetzer hara convincing me that I would feel better after I fall, and obviously after I fell all I got was the opposite. I knew in my mind that would be case but nonetheless I persisted. I'm an idiot. Hopefully I can remember this post next time and not fall for the same fake arguments.

I'm gonna vent for a second. This whole avoda is so hard. Its so hard for someone who really just wants to be pure. I hate not being good. My whole life I love to follow the rules, to be perfect. I want Hashem to be proud of me. I want to be pure so that I can go into the process of finding a wife with a pure mind and heart. But its so hard to not mess up. I feel like I just keep on defiling myself. I was so pure going into Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur, and Hashem purified me, but I just dirty myself again. How am I going to find the proper pure partner if I am dirty. I know all the positive messages that I can say, but these negative perspectives usually win the emotional battles inside me. 

I love you Hashem. I truly do. I want to be better. Please help me help you. Please bring menuchas nefesh and purity into my life so I can serve you with a full, dedicated heart. 
Sincerely, your lonely servant,
A Struggling Jew. 

TaherLibeinu, I appreciate this message more than you can imagine. Knowing that another person can find the slightest inspiration in my journey makes is the greatest pleasure I can find in this process. 
Thank you so much for your kind words and Hakaras Hatov 

AStrugglingJew wrote on 01 Oct 2021 16:23:

Please check out the resources in my signature. They are very helpful with having the right perspective in all this, and will make you feel uplifted. You know, to remember that each second of holding back is an incredible accomplishment in Hashem's view, and that sins don't define you. Also you might want to check out the gye attitude ebook.

Hatzlocha

Captain wrote on 01 Oct 2021 16:29:

Thank you do much Captain, you are always so helpful!
will definitely check those resources out

Strongly agree. Maybe this happens to us so we can get shocked awake and climb harder. If you slip slowly, you don't feel much of a difference. A big drop like this, while we are still above it enough to feel horrified by it, either becomes our new nireh k'heter, or becomes the motivation to take a big leap foward

dovidfg wrote on 06 Oct 2021 15:20:

I just wanted to say thank you a to. The most comforting feeling is oftten knowing that someone is the same situation and we are not alone. Be''h we should all be matzliach!

Just had a fall after a solid 20 something day streak. 
Not going to let myself get to beat up about it, rather I wanted to share a thought I had. 

Often I get upset with myself because when I fall I feel so flawed. I feel like I tarnished myself. And I feel like I am so far from the perfection that I am looking to achieve. 

And while that is all true, maybe that is not exactly the mindset I should have. Maybe it is best to switch from a "am I being perfect" mindset to a "am I getting better" mindset. Because yes I did fall, but just reflecting on where I was a couple years ago to where I am now, I am worlds away, in such a better place. And that is a beautiful thing. The fact that we are all here on this site, looking to improve, and challenging ourselves to get better is such a wonderful accomplishment in of itself. I am sure we have all experienced some sort of improvement in our relationship with tayva and we should be proud of that. 

This isn't to say we shouldn't have some level of frustration and regret when we fall, but maybe to just keep in mind that the goal is not to be perfect now, but to slowly but surely be getting every day, every week, every month, year, decade.... until all these slow and steady improvements add up and get us as close to perfection as we possibly can. 

Just a thought that at the very least was comforting to me and hopefully can help inspire. 

You hit the nail on the head! "Am i getting better" is the proper focus - especially for the many perfectionists amongst us! As far as the different levels of regret, charata, which is appropriate, is having just enough regret to analyze what happened, and attempt to do productive measures to safeguard one's self for the next nisayon.  Anything more than that is yi'ush, which is passul. Wallowing in despair has no place in yiddishkeit. 

had my worst stretch in a couple years these last couple of days. not sure what has gotten into me. really bad. 
I want to be pure, I am scared I am messing myself up. I really hate this feeling. I want to be back to where I was. I really have been on a little bit of a decline lately. I was so good for so long, now I feel like I am returning to some bad habits that I thought I had gotten rid of.

ahhhh. 

Just venting a little. Hopefully in a few months I will look back at this post and have much nachas to how far I have come since now. One day at a time!