Thanks hhm for the encouragement! 

I must say my decision to not be on my phone after a certain time by night, really helps!
I've also made extra chavrusah's so I have much less time to feel the urges bh, I even have to find the time to go on gye lol

Boredom was what caused me last time to fall..

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 07 Nov 2018 02:29:

For me, boredom or down time as I called it, was (is?) a huge cause of acting out. My brain wanders 'there' when it's not occupied.

Hatzlacha on your session tomorrow. It an be scary opening yourself up to a stranger, but remember that he's already heard and met people in the same situation, so you won't be shocking him with your story.
I don't know if you can be a "free man emotionally" in the first visit, but iy'H it's a big step forward.

Kol tuv
sg

I think that by now you should really change this topic name from "struggling bochur" to "amazing bochur". Your daily posts show more and more what an amazing fellow you are. Nothing will stand in your way for recovery. No matter how hard things are, you stay focused on your 'amazing' journey. You should have lots of hatzlucha in therapy,  and may continue inspiring us for many years to come!!!!

Good luck with the therapist! Be''h togrther you should be able to get rid of all that's bohering you and keep on growing for many many years with a בית נאמן בישראל לשם ולתפארת

Thanks for the feedback everyone! 
@gyehelp2017 I love your suggestion, the name though "a struggling bochur" is a big catch for new bochurim that join and they can benefit by getting different ideas.  

Anyhow I just went today to my therapist, it was very easy opening up to him, as I've gotten over that fear. I had no problem telling him all my side issues I've always pushed aside. 

Tachlis he told me not to start dating till I've fully recovered in all areas. My Rav doesn't know all my side issues (and doesn't need to either, he isn't a therapist after all) and I'm sure when I tell him my therapist doesn't exactly encourage me starting for the next while, he'll definitely side with him.

My rav I use for spiritual help, and therapist for emotional help.

Anyhow got to run and learn. Hatslocho to all! 

Day 11 (+140)
Back up and standing strong again bh!
...ירידה זו לצורך עליה

Good Shabbos to all!

I love the attitude! Remember that for MOST PEOPLE the path to lasting freedom consists of falling and getting back up, again and again. 

Some shnitzel updates:

So I finally pinpointed with the help of my therapist why I was turning to porn, why I felt that emptiness, unfulfillment, resentment etc

Part of what we do is "emotions release" which is basically me putting my hands in a certain way, saying that I'm holding a specific negetive emotion in my hands and I choose to throw it away, and put my hands behind my head as if I'm shaking it off.

First time he told me to do it, I felt like I'm sitting high up in the Indian mountains next to a guru, and following his religion. But it really works and I've checked it up, it's fine according to Torah too.. it doesn't stem from ע"ז

And mainly it works, it gives me a headache instantly which is a sign of energy being released, but point is my urges have decreased by literally 80%, I guess that emptiness and voidness is being filled up other ways, as the negetive feeling causing me to wanna act out have had a big chunk of it cut out. 

Hope I make sense, the therapy makes me quite moody and feelings go up and down. 
P.s. I finally found a geshmake profile pic

When life hands you lemons, make...


...Shnitzel!!

Your pic is great, but who ate the kugel?

Welcome!  There are thousands of bachurim in your boat.  You took a great step by coming here.  Keep it up.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

gibbor120 wrote on 14 Nov 2018 22:04:

There'a a depressing thought.

What's a depressing thought?

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 15 Nov 2018 04:13:

Thousands of people in that boat.

I look at it differently. "There are thousands of bochurim in my boat" which is a fact, sad but true.

"And I took a great step coming here" which is a fact, very positive, and lucky me, especially due to the fact that there are thousands which struggle but dont make it to gye and I will keep it up iyh. So thanks gibbor210

...הכל הולך אחר החיתום