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TOPIC: I think I am a sex addict 5137 Views

I think I am a sex addict 13 Mar 2018 19:39 #328237

Readytostop613
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I am struggling with denial. I have a hard time separating what’s normal guy behavior and what’s considered an addiction.

I am probably an addict because I masterbate and look at porn a lot and especially to cope with depression. I always feel guilty after since that’s not what a frum yid should act. I live 2 life’s one frum and the other chasing my sexual desires. This causes a lot of stress and guilt as well
I used to go out and get drunk at bars so I can hit On girls and act out sexually. I couldn’t do it sober since t goes against my moral beliefs. My therapist is convinced I am a sex addict. I stopped drinking a while ago but still look at porn and masterbate. As I am writing this I think more and more that I am a sex addict. Looking forward to recovery and sanity. Thanks for all of your help. To embarrassed to go to an actual sex annonomous meeting. 2 days clean:)

Re: I think I am a sex addict 13 Mar 2018 22:38 #328241

yerushalmi
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Labels are for envelopes! The main thing is that you should be fully committed to this fight, and willing to do whatever is needed to win. Whether or not you call yourself an addict or not should have no bearing on what you need to do.
Some people like to hide behind labels. I can't do....because I am a..... By labeling themselves, these people try to absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions, and they have a ready excuse for not improving.
Be prepared for a long and difficult fight. But this is a fight that is entirely winnable. Especially with the help of a caring friend from this site.
The beginning is always the hardest! Keep up the good work. If you can stay clean for 2 days, then you know that you have the power within you to fight! Keep doing it!
Hatzlacha!!!

Re: I think I am a sex addict 13 Mar 2018 23:01 #328250

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Yerushalmi wrote on 13 Mar 2018 22:38:

I found that the label spurred me to positive action.

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Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 00:04 #328253

Readytostop613 Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 2 Karma: 0	Thanks you! You are so right! Appreciate the love and support!

Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 00:37 #328255

ieeyc
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Yerushalmi wrote on 13 Mar 2018 22:38:

keep your posts coming ,its like mayim ka`rim al nefesh ayefa,thank you!(dont let it get to your head

)

לב טהור ברא לי אלקים , ורוח נכון חדש בקרבי

to all my friends who heeded my request to be so generous and give me a negative karma for the sake of me acquiring
. humility ,i humbly thank you

Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 00:49 #328256

ieeyc
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cordnoy wrote on 13 Mar 2018 23:01:

Yerushalmi wrote on 13 Mar 2018 22:38:

I found that the label spurred me to positive action.

im sure it did and im sure if it worked for you there are others who will gain from labels, but everybody is different , there are those who throw their hands up in defeat,so some people should definitely leave the labels for the envelopes.

לב טהור ברא לי אלקים , ורוח נכון חדש בקרבי

to all my friends who heeded my request to be so generous and give me a negative karma for the sake of me acquiring
. humility ,i humbly thank you

Last Edit: 14 Mar 2018 00:52 by ieeyc.

Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 01:32 #328263

lifebound
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ieeyc wrote on 14 Mar 2018 00:49:

cordnoy wrote on 13 Mar 2018 23:01:

Yerushalmi wrote on 13 Mar 2018 22:38:

I found that the label spurred me to positive action.

I don't mean to be a negative nancy; asking this to gain clarity for myself as well:

If everybody is different, then just like rushing to label people addicts is frowned upon here, shouldn't the reverse be discouraged as well? I'm not seeing how it's beneficial to tell someone who admits that "My therapist is convinced I am a sex addict", that labels are for envelopes. From what I understand the "label" (a better term might be diagnosis) of addict DOES have significant bearing on what you need to do...is that not correct?

Just my 2 kopeks.

Oh and welcome Readytostop613! Much hatzlacha on your journey, keep posting!

My story so far

Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 01:43 #328266

Hashem Help Me
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Readytostop, welcome to a great place. Stay connected with the chevra here and iyh you will get better. Keep posting. As you can see there are great people here who care and will make themselves available for you. If your therapist is convinced that you are an addict but you are not ready for live meetings, maybe call in to Dov's phone call. Hatzlocha!

Lifebound, you are 100% correct. As Cordnoy says often, people gain the most when we all just share what worked for us. It is not beneficial for us to preach to others or to have an agenda. Let people here read what various people have to say, and let them choose to latch up with those whose advice resonates with them. Truthfully, everyone has what to add, and many of us have needed to combine different approaches and advice into our own specific "cocktail" mix.

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Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 08:28 #328277

Singularity
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Readytostop613 wrote on 13 Mar 2018 19:39:

I am struggling with denial. I have a hard time separating what’s normal guy behavior and what’s considered an addiction.

I am probably an addict because I masterbate and look at porn a lot and especially to cope with depression. I always feel guilty after since that’s not what a frum yid should act. I live 2 life’s one frum and the other chasing my sexual desires. This causes a lot of stress and guilt as well
I used to go out and get drunk at bars so I can hit On girls and act out sexually. I couldn’t do it sober since t goes against my moral beliefs. My therapist is convinced I am a sex addict. I stopped drinking a while ago but still look at porn and masterbate. As I am writing this I think more and more that I am a sex addict. Looking forward to recovery and sanity. Thanks for all of your help. To embarrassed to go to an actual sex annonomous meeting. 2 days clean:)

how come?

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Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 11:15 #328280

ieeyc
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i have to admit that i made a mistake by the title I THINK IM A SEX ADDICT and a person should definitly not disregard a profesional diagnosis,im just of the opinion that s/o shouldnt label himself with a SELFdiagnosis when such a sd gives a person a feeling of defeat ,although some people had positive action through the label ,so to each his own,although ,just asking, is a person entitled to go for a 2nd professional opinion like he would do with any other diagnosis that the patient is not convinced of?

לב טהור ברא לי אלקים , ורוח נכון חדש בקרבי

to all my friends who heeded my request to be so generous and give me a negative karma for the sake of me acquiring
. humility ,i humbly thank you

Last Edit: 14 Mar 2018 11:30 by ieeyc.

Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 12:25 #328288

Markz
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ieeyc wrote on 14 Mar 2018 11:15:

i have to admit that i made a mistake by the title I THINK IM A SEX ADDICT and a person should definitly not disregard a profesional diagnosis,im just of the opinion that s/o shouldnt label himself with a SELFdiagnosis when such a sd gives a person a feeling of defeat ,although some people had positive action through the label ,so to each his own,although ,just asking, is a person entitled to go for a 2nd professional opinion like he would do with any other diagnosis that the patient is not convinced of?

The whole point of it is the feeling of defeat
Many of us (me too) are too weak to admit such feelings

Whatever the case, this man is to be commended
1. For sharing his story openly
2. For getting in touch with his feelings
3. For having a therapist
4. For being open with his therapist

He's doing many things right and simply needs a pat on the back

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Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 13:08 #328292

ieeyc OFFLINE Banned Soaring to Har Sinai on the wings of an eagle! Posts: 572 Karma: -9	" when such a sd gives a person a feeling of defeat-"and yiush
	*לב טהור ברא לי אלקים , ורוח* *נכון חדש בקרבי* to all my friends who heeded my request to be so generous and give me a negative karma for the sake of me acquiring . humility ,i humbly thank you Last Edit: 14 Mar 2018 13:11 by ieeyc.

Re: I think I am a sex addict 14 Mar 2018 21:53 #328321

stillgoing
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cordnoy wrote on 13 Mar 2018 23:01:

Yerushalmi wrote on 13 Mar 2018 22:38:

I found that the label spurred me to positive action.

You may be an envelope.

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Re: I think I am a sex addict 15 Mar 2018 21:49 #328404

aryehdovid85
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Chevra,
i have held myself back from getting in the back and forth about addict or not....partly b/c i know i have a long history of this addiction....and b/c I am a member of SA.
any just pasting an article from Rabbi Twerski which should shed some light on the subject...from the GYE website....Do I have an addiction?

Listen to Rabbi Abraham Twerski, who is a world expert on addictions, answer the question at this link (32 minutes and 12 seconds into the talk).

Here is a transcript:

First of all, the question is, what is the definition of addiction? I don't think we have a good definition of an addict. I think if a person knows that what he's doing is wrong, harmful, destructive, whatever, and he tries to stop doing it, and he makes a sincere effort to stop doing it, and finds that he cannot do it, I think he can call himself an addict. I don't know what the importance is for giving it a name. I think that (he can call himself an addict) if a person comes to that realization, "here's something that I know I shouldn't be doing, and I know it's destructive. I'm trying to stop it, I've tried to stop eleven times, or a hundred times, but I haven't been able to. I need someone's help at being able to stop".

Re: I think I am a sex addict 17 Mar 2018 18:33 #328461

yerushalmi
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I think that I opened up a sore topic for some, so I will explain what I meant.

For some people having a label or a diagnosis place on them is an excuse that allows them to continue their misbehavior. I can't stop watching porn, because I am an addict. I can't fix myself, because I am an addict.

For some people a proper label or diagnosis is just the thing that they need to spur them into action!

Ready to Stop, whatever tactic works for you, is the one that you should choose. If you can stop this behavior without your ever having gotten a clear answer if you are an addict or not, does that not render the question moot? You are going to a therapist, and that is absolutely heading in the right direction. Eventually, you will have to stop your acting out. If you have the tools at your disposal to do that, then do it. I don't think that there is a need to overly focus on the technical definition of an addict and if it applies to you, The main thing is to stop. If you can do that, then whether or not you were once an addict isn't really important!
The encouragement of the group here, is also a very powerful tool at your disposal. Post whenever you feel down, a weakening, or in need of inspiration. If you find it hard to open up (like I do), then send private messages to people (also what I do).

Keep up the good work. Be prepared psychologically for a hard fight, but it's a very winnable fight!