@Didan: When you get engaged IY"H, hopefully you will have a good Chassan teacher who can answer all these questions. Meanwhile I don't think it's healthy or productive to obsess about this stuff.

 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 11 May 2016 13:54:

It may not be healthy, but it is not easy to avoid thinking about it. None the less, i agree with the last poster that you will hopefully receive guidance on all of this when you are engaged. 

I had these fears and questions when I was a bochur, as well. 
Don't worry about it for now.
Focus on what you need to do right now.
When the time comes, b'shaah tovah, your chosson teacher will help clarify things for you.

 

Grateful to find this thread here, as the answers to questions posed here were questions that were repeating in my head and hurting my self esteem for a long time. Thank you Chevra. 

@Didan: 
So before marriage we compare and believe that only the size matters, and that is also the only way to make your wife happy in bed.
After marriage we often find out that women don't really enjoy sex the way men do. What a disappointment!
Then we start comparing how long we last in bed? and we get all frustrated...…
Lets start being real and let go of the fantasy and bluff the porn industry is brainwashing us.

​Sex can only be enjoyable, if you stop watching porn and delete everything you saw. If its possible ?
Masturbation destroys intimacy as well.
Oral sex is not what normal women want to do or receive. I hope I don't disappoint you?  

Real love is caring and giving only in a way she likes.
Porn teaches us men, just how to take and to enjoy the most without taking the feeling of the women into consideration.
In porn, the women are treated like slaves, their pain and discomfort are totally ignored.
It seems that they are enjoying, but they all suffer in silent and only put on smile for the camera in order to earn a few bucks.
So sad, and my heart goes out for all those poor girls who fall into prostitutions out of poverty.

If i had some of these posts back then..i might not have needed to be here.
Ah well, Hashem gives what you need

We all learn from our own mistakes

Just a very blunt curious question, if someone has an answer...

Putting the halacha part - if o/s is not allowed or the opposite- aside, can a women get pregnant after doing o/s? Maybe you’re all laughing from me now, but I never got it clear.

Trying The Best wrote on 07 Sep 2023 05:02:

You never heard that if you eat the pips you'll have a tree growing in your stomach?

Trying The Best wrote on 07 Sep 2023 05:02:

No

iwillmanage wrote on 07 Sep 2023 08:24:

As a young kid my father used to tell me if i eat the seeds from the watermelon i’ll grow a watermelon tree in my stomach from it…

but i got the answer already in private and here from others, thanks.

Thanks.

so from a Jewish perspective, whats the point of it if she cannot get pregnant?

Maybe, that hasn't been my experience, though. There is porn which shows how to take care of women sexually, which I enjoyed watching. I'm not condoning it, and I wish, on balance, that I had not seen it, but it showed me basic ways to make my wife feel good that we may very well have not thought of but for that. It is not all about making men into pigs and horrible people. It is quite possible that the producers are evil people and the actors are preyed upon, which is also common in Chinese factories.

Trying The Best wrote on 07 Sep 2023 12:02:

There's no point. 
@doingtshuva wrote in this thread "After marriage we often find out that women don't really enjoy sex the way men do" that's if the mans focus is to GIVE...  

richtig wrote on 07 Sep 2023 13:38:

We each have our own experiences and exposures. Thinking back to mine I believe that the idea of the men pleasuring the women was a way of feeling powerful, i.e. he can get her where he wants through his actions, and that's what makes him a success. 
Point being, even giving somebody else pleasure can be all about yourself. That's my understanding of what I've seen, and there's no question I was affected by it