I  was thinking about this question today and I have some thoughts and questions.  On these forums, we always talk about lusting after women, including our wives and label that behavior as a bad thing.  Don't people, especially men, have natural lustful urges?  Why is that  bad and is there a difference between natural urges and a lustful feeling?  Aren't these urges something that can be used for good or evil?  If you lust after your wife and you have relations, isn't the lust a good thing if you satisfy her?  It's not just selfishness b/c you've used that urge to do good.  I'm curious what others have to say about this.  Of course, if you involve yourself in porn or you masturbate, you've used that urge for evil.  It's a very strong urge though, and difficult to resist esp. when you don't have a wife or your wife is unwilling or unable to have relations.  It takes strength to resist the urges in those cases.

startrekuser, I recommend looking up Love Vs Lust in the Dov quotes.  Yes, we have natural urges, but there is a difference between loving your wife and expressing it in an intimate way, and between having an urge, and "using" your wife as an outlet.

One, is an expression of "love", and the other is an expression of "lust".  I beleive that most of our intimate experiences are a mixture of motivations. (I'm not a fan of black and white thinking.  I think most things are somewhere in between.) The more we are motivated by love, the more the experience will create a bond.  The more it is motivated by lust, the more distance it will create.  Are you connecting with your wife, or only with her body parts?

We'd like to tilt the balance to love as much as possible.

I hope this helps.