Unfortunately, the more I read and learn on this site, the in some ways worse I feel, in that I see no "cure" for this.  So many obviously deep deep thoughtful spiritual people get the cr-p kicked out of them on a daily basis by this, shall I call it an "affliction."  I am thinking the best we can do is control it, we can't conquer it.  I recall in a Gemara, (perhaps Brachos but not sure...my memory ain't what it was) that Chazal recommend that if you MUST sin, that you go to a different city or area to do so.  This is not condoning the sin, but a real recognition that some of us CANNOT control ourselves for all that long.  My case in point...hard fall, two weeks or so of cleanliness, and even now I can feel the Y"H-dik desires welling up in me...they are actually tangible, so much that I know absolutely that these tumahdik desires wait in the wings for my action.   Oy me haya lanu.  I am not optimistic, but will keep fighting.  That is the essence of the Yid, fighting the natural animalistic desires of man to raise ourselves up to a much higher "madrega."
It is just so challenging...all the time. And, as I mentioned, seems to be even MUCH worse now  that I am older .

Why is it that Hashem made the world such - that we constantly need him?  Why not make it that we reach a certain point and we are assured a certain amount of years to live, a certain amount of parnasa etc. This is the nature of Olam Hazeh.
I am sure you know the famous answer to the question why is it that the nachash was cursed to have his food changed in the way that it did if it indeed becomes easier for him then it is really a beracha? The answer given is that having something so easy is in fact a kellala because then the nachash need not come on to Hashem for assistance. In time this will cause a  distance/separation  from Hashem. Distance from Hashem is the greatest kellala.
Now it is true that this compulsion we have is at times overwhelming. However once there is a certain amount of consistent sobriety time a lot of the obsessive edge falls away. With an adherence to a proper program of recovery the mountain of this formidable task becomes much much less scary and frightening. To quote Dov on this very thread when talking about those doing well in recovery
"The common denominator is that lust fantasy does not rule them, neither does sex at home "
There are countless examples of people who are in recovery for years, living happy productive lives.
The fact that there is always a need to be on guard and work a proper program is really a beracha we should embrace not a reality we need to fear or stress over.

I am pretty much amazed as to how low i can go in my animal lust for food drink and women.  I will not give you the gory details, but jut look at my first post for pretty accurate details about my time spent last night. as an added bonus, I spent the morning at work looking at the social media pages of the twenty something woman I was chatting up all last night, until I finally revealed that I was married and then made a very quick exit from the bar when I thought things were going too far and I started feeling uncomfortable.  Thank G-d it seems that I still have a modicum  of a sense right and wrong left in me. Sorry for the details, but it helps to write things out to document my depravity. 

yeah it feels hopeless at times. By right it really is. My friend- who on the forum has not looked back during a time of normalcy/sobriety(however brief it might be) and be amazed at how low he sunk.
That's the reason that sobriety with its simple wholesomeness is so euphoric.

Read pischoshelmachat"s message again  and feel the excitement jumping off your screen.
Don't assume we don't get you. We do. That's why we are here.
Been there.  Done some form of that, in my own insane way.


Stop putting your foot into the pool and being scared it's gonna be too cold if you go in.
There is real hope here. Yeah, it's miraculous, but it happens. no matter how low they sunk no matter that they may have multiple addictions.


 

I am pretty much amazed as to how low i can go in my animal lust for food drink and women.  I will not give you the gory details, but jut look at my first post for pretty accurate details about my time spent last night. as an added bonus, I spent the morning at work looking at the social media pages of the twenty something woman I was chatting up all last night, until I finally revealed that I was married and then made a very quick exit from the bar when I thought things were going too far and I started feeling uncomfortable.  Thank G-d it seems that I still have a modicum  of a sense right and wrong left in me. Sorry for the details, but it helps to write things out to document my depravity. 

Excellent point.  There is a local SA meeting near me, I may check it out.  Probably better for me is a therapy session one on one with an addiction type therapist.  

You are right, I am falling about every few weeks. 

Bad pattern.  

Thank you, but how do I "go all in" instead of "putting my foot in the pool" as you say? 

Working guy is guiding you well.
Have the attitude that you must get sober and that you are willing to do anything to achieve recovery.  As you move along in your journey you will find those things that work.
Good Luck.
 

Dov, Cordnoy, I see you guys are on line.  Lay it on me.  Don't hold back.  I need to hear some words of chochmah, words of admonition, just some words from other people that struggle with this same garbage like I/we do.  It helps.  It may not change me or my behavior in the short or even long term, but it helps to "talk" about it.