lomed wrote:


I have to take issue with this because an addict by his very nature will look for any possible "proof" that he's not an addict. That being the case, why are some of us on here feeding this poor soul more reason to question if he's an addict? The behavior he is describing is clearly a compulsion beyond his control and he needs to be told the truth! Namely, that he is exhibiting all the signs of a full blown addict! Let's help this yid out and be straight with him. It may not be what he wants to hear but it's what he needs to hear! His condition is very serious and why place doubts in his head that he might not be an addict?

lomed wrote:

Okay "the.guard". I took your advice, but modified it slightly so that I can start small and increase from there. I took a shavuah using Hashem's name (Ado-shem) that I will not set foot in a non Jewish bar or tavern for one week, and that if I do I will need to make a $1,800 donation to GYE. I guess I need to start with baby steps. As long as I can get through this week like this, then I will, G-d willing, make another Shavuah for a month. This is great advice and a very practical way of doing things. Thank you thank you! Once I can tackle this actual behavior that is triggering all my other aveiros, then I can hopefully start to address the actual binge alcohol drinking issue. If I don't go in to a non Jewish bar, I don't start drinking and can avoid getting in to these situations. I have made the Shavuah. Now the hard part begins. Any other practical advice you can offer? I reviewed the items you sent me regarding the Ohr Hachaim Ha Kodesh. Perhaps this is a bit of siyatta di Shamayah that I am starting this on his Yahrtzeit. If possible, I would ask people to please daven for my success. I obviously won't give my name out but try to keep this poor soul in mind.

Hi At A Glance,

I can't speak for Cordnoy, but I am sure you can find an SA group somewhat remote from where you live that you can attend and get help without exposing who you are. Maybe that is a good option for you? You should at least look into it perhaps - the benefit to you would be invaluable.

Let's not quibble over whether I or someone is an addict...obviously, I have issues and problems that need to be addressed that relate to my alcohol abuse. Very honestly, I am not ready to participate in any public forum that will revel my problems, whether is it related to AA or SA. What I am committed to is the what I just did, staying out of a non Jewish bar or tavern for a week, then G-d willing more time after that. Again, I would respectfully ask that people daven for my success. I realize there are many other important things to daven for in this world, but I can use all the chizzuk I can get!

Just out of curiosity, if you are willing to go to bars and risk being seen there, why the hesitation to attend a meeting?

Annnnnnd the number one of the top 10 signs you are an addict!

2 Admins here, including the grand master Guard have replies to your post!




I can definitely relate to your post. I hadn't eaten a cheeseburger yet, but t wasn't far off for me. Between alclhol, gambling and lust why was I keeping kosher anyway?! I was only frum in action and in reality I was lying, dishonest and leading a double life.

No one is going to tell you that you are an alcoholic or sexaholic, that's for you to determine. "To thy own self be true" chaver.

The GYE suggested starting point for newcomers is in the links below.

Hatzlacha!

ataglance12345 - Welcome!! You've elicited some strong responses and it may not be clear from the posts, but the people are posting out of love. Each of us here has own story of struggle and of repeated failure and with the support of the community here, learning some of the ideas and techniques, prayer and engaging with the process many have seen great growth, and Bez"H you will as well.

When it comes to defining a person as an addict or not, it only matters if a person is in denial and not taking steps to recover. So many here have been there and needed something major (spouse finding out etc.) to get a "wake-up call" and that is something we all hope and pray doesn't happen to you and you find your journey to a better place without having that trauma. The goal of those posts (I believe) is to make sure you are "awake". My perspective on your initial post is that you are awake. Assuming that is the case, you will have your own journey trying to find what works for you, what you are comfortable with etc. It took me months to even post on this site. Bez"H you will quickly find what works for you. You will take some advice, and find that other recommendations do not work for you (or at least do not work for you now.)

As far as therapy, from what I see (and take it with a grain of salt since I'm no professional and I simply read your post) the idea of therapy is a really good one. Drinking, lust etc. are often byproducts of depression (which you mention.) When we are enjoying our lives, feeling accomplished, coping in a healthy fashion etc. the draw of the bottle, porn or an easy girl is diminished significantly. When we feel like we are living in hell, that shot of enjoyment is much harder (impossible?) to resist.

As you start this journey please know you are amongst friends here, who are saying what they are saying in a sincere effort to help. We are cheering for you (as we cheer for everyone here), and we are praying for you. We hope to here great news, but will also be here to provide support if you struggle. Hatzlocha Rabba Chaver! There are success stories here of people whose experiences are pretty similar. It won't be easy, but it is possible.

serenity wrote:

With all due respect to the esteemed addicts who posted before me, I have to disagree.
I was always strongly encouraged that one must come to the conclusion of addiction on one's own. No one can tell you for certain that you are an addict. It took me about seven months here using several different tools to fight lust until I finally came to the conclusion that I was an addict. Everyone is different, but for me, it was a combination of using lust recklessly, needing it irrationally, and having a strong sense of urgency to use it that finally made me decide for sure.
Regardless, all of the tools that addicts use to combat their respective addictions are useful to "normal" people as well. Pick a way you feel comfortable and start the journey. If you don't feel its working, try (or add) another way.
We are all here to "hold your hand" and listen as you try to figure the best way.
And we hope you will stick around and listen to all of us.
Hatzlocha.

[quote="Nate" post=258503][quote="lomed" post=258502]Welcome AT A GLANCE,

First of all I feel your pain. Although I cannot give you direct advice to your situation, I can give you advice in reference to utilizing GYE and its forums.

As You see many labeled you here as an addict. As this may be true, Please do not take it as 100%, and as cordonoy wrote DONT TAKE IT TO THE BANK. it does not have to be that you are addicted. It may be that methods that work for non addicts will work for you. Many of chaveirim here have recovered through the 12 step program for addicts. kudos to them that are committed to recover from their lust. This creates the notion that many members here as they open up, get bombarded that they are addicts and the only way to recover is through the SA and 12 step program. As this may be true for many of us and maybe even for most of us, it is not true for ALL of us. Therefore I am writing to you stick around and keep on posting and reading, perhaps you are an addict, perhaps you are not. one thing i can tell you, the if you will be determent to get over this by any price, Bezras hashem you will do it.

Keep us posted[/quote

I have to take issue with this because an addict by his very nature will look for any possible "proof" that he's not an addict. That being the case, why are some of us on here feeding this poor soul more reason to question if he's an addict? The behavior he is describing is clearly a compulsion beyond his control and he needs to be told the truth! Namely, that he is exhibiting all the signs of a full blown addict! Let's help this yid out and be straight with him. It may not be what he wants to hear but it's what he needs to hear! His condition is very serious and why place doubts in his head that he might not be an addict?[/quote]

where did you get your degree?
how long do you know him?
has he told you everythin' you need to know in order to make a decision?
you say that he is clearly an addict; I am not sure.
It is risky to label someone an addict if he is not.
help people out by sayin' what works for you.

Nate wrote:


aha!
someone who thinks like Cordnoy (at least in this post)!

cordnoy wrote:


Pirush:
When we do things wrong, we don't ask 100 times: who will see us there? we figure it out and we do it!
In recovery, if we need to go to a group or make a call, we should figure it out and do it!

the last thing i wrote is for some reason many people here have decided what you are or arent and gave instructions as if they are your specialist. my advice: hear what they have to say, but don't decide based on what they said. nobody here knows you.

bhatzlachah

cordnoy wrote:

Wow! That's a first!
We even got cordnoy to explain himself!

Thank you Cordnoy.

From my own experience, I came here worried that I had at least three main addictions if not more. I showered myself with almost all the tools GYE has to offer, and I came to a conclusion that I have one main addiction. The others were just... side dishes. I enjoy them but I won't go out of my way in order to get them.

My point; whether it's an addiction or not, you can still try killing all the habits if you're already here and discover what they were or what they weren't on the way.

Good luck!

Moish, I totally agree! Did my post seem to indicate otherwise? Further down I explained the same as you are saying. You have to admit thought, that it's pretty rare to get a response from Guard at all and even more so from two admnins . If Dov chimes in, it's a done deal. Just kidding around!