I am in SA for a few months i am up to step 2 and i am having difficulty believing in a higher power (step 2)and turning over my life to him (step 3)as a result of severe sexual physical and emotional abuse (including being raped molested and severely beaten by my older brother and the age of 6 for about 6 months) my parents found out about it and did nothing to stop it .I confronted them about it now (at the age of 24 )and their reactions have been a mix of three things(what i call the 3 D's )
1)Denial -to claim that i'm lying and making up stories
2)Downplaying -telling me that it's not such a big deal -i should get over it -grow up etc
3)Demonizing me -saying that the abuse was my fault
Does anybody have any helpful advice on how to work step 2 (and eventually step 3)with such poor examples of a higher power ?

What a horrible experience. Is there a professional you can talk to about it? If you don't click with the first one I hope you try until you find someone who is able to help you. Of course you can't change what happened but you may be able to find a way for it to hurt less.

Personally I have never suffered like that, but I am not frum and not knowledgeable, so even learning about the suffering of others weakens a faith in a "higher power" that is already weak.

What I'm doing instead is saying that I am not in charge. I can't know why people suffer. I am responsible for what I say and do, but I have no control over what happens...I am not responsible for evil done by others.

Bottom line for me: Step 1. I can't look at porn or provocatively-dressed women for long and not want to masturbate...and that takes away time and energy from good things, to say the least.

Maybe for you the "Higher Power" is the healing power of the group, or the fact that the group exists. You've probably heard this one, but I like it: The religious person has to explain the evil in the world, but the atheist has to explain everything else.

Best of luck in your success. More experienced people on this site and in SA can help you help yourself.

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear your sad story. It sounds like you have 2 issues.

1) family issue: Is there a Rav or therapist that you can speak to?

2) working the steps: You are in SA. Can't they help you?

You went through an extremely difficult situation. I wish you all the best in your recovery process. We are here for you.

Welcome Yme!!!

Your story sounds really painful and sad. But let me tell b"h you are in the right place. The guys here really care and could really be of help so...

Stick around and make yourself at home.
Keep on posting!!

Yme wrote:


Those who did this to you and who allowed it and who didn't even make you feel valid to be in pain are not by any means following in the ways of hashem so they are not examples of a higher power. They committed terrible wickedness against you and they are wrong. Totally wrong. You need to heal. You need to talk to people who care and who have no agenda and simply can feel your pain and help you feel valid and good. There are good people in this world and many of them are here in GYE as I have come to know. You have had bad experiences with other types of people and you need to allow yourself to experience relating to the good and caring people. Stay here and relate and I wish you the best.

Welcome,

Your story pains me and brings tears to my eyes and cheeks.
Openin' up and talkin' about to someone safe can help the healin' process somewhat.

b'hatzlachah

Your story pains me to no end, and it brings tears ti my eyes. I can unfortunately relate as i was sexually abused by a cousin of mine when i was 9 for a month or so. Bh there wasn't any physical abuse. I told my grandfather, but i don't think he believed me because i didn't see any change in my cousin. Why do these things happen? Why us? It's impossible to answer these questions, unless you're a navi. But i truly do feel for you. You're an amazing person and a true warrior. If you ever want to talk, you can chat/email me at shomerbro@gmail.com

Do you have a sponsor? He should be helping you with the steps. If it's not working with him, then get another one. Have you listened to the step work shop tapes of Bill S.? www.dropbox.com/sh/a6tngb17x023a3m/AACjRMouhxj5rbW15XPuuJUXa?dl=0

Your parents portray the exact opposite of what most of need in a Higher Power, then again so do most of our parents. You need to find what you need from a Higher Power and see where and how you can get that. Your sponsor should be working on this with you.

Hatzlacha!

What's up? How are you doin?

S.B. I took care of your request; it was moved.
Thank you