See the "Rules" tab at the top of the forum.

As far as the big question of whether "joking around" is permitted and/or encouraged on the forum, or is it best to stay focused and serious, I would like to bring a great post from "OTR" (On The Road):

I had been thinking about the seriousness versus the levity that goes on here. At first I thought.... c'mon we are here for a serious problem, there is no room for jokes. However, I have come to realize that there are wise people behind these jokes, and warm caring hearts. Sometimes the etzem joking around (within the overall context of what we are here for) is, in my feeling, quite beneficial. We are here for support, and BECAUSE the traditional mehalech (mussar and such) does not work for addiction. I am super energized when someone who I can identify with as a fellow addict, laugh with as a friend, and look to for a hand when I feel weak in my commitment gives me good insight or advice. At the same time, there are times when a serious place is more in need. If this is what you seek, try to create that environment on your own personal thread. It is an important thing for sure...

And I had another thought that I wanted to add. Imagine one were partying in the middle of a disco and he suddenly felt faint. He walks over to a quiet table and realizes he is (lo aleinu) having a heart attack. He begins to yell for help, he begins to tug on other people's shirts trying to communicate that something is terribly wrong. But no one can hear him above the music and the wild atmosphere of partying has most people taking him for a drunken fool. .... After a little while of this, the bouncers pick up on the fact that this fool is distrurbing the party... they pick him up and throw him out on his ear.

In our forum we have had parties. We have had laughs and fun all around... but I have seen that if someone so much as peeps the word *help me* an army of warriors, real WARRIORS appears within minutes and sometimes seconds. Some soldiers come with nourishment, some with a battle drum and encouragement, and some with a joke to help diffuse the tension. Whatever it is, they respond like hatzolah, and at times the tears well up in my eyes as I recall those special moments we have had.

Therein, I believe, lies the difference between holelus and a group of people using all the means at their disposal to battle an enemy that is bigger and stronger then us when we are alone, but who retreats quickly when we join together.

Dov, who is sober for close to 12 years in live SA 12-Step groups, discusses the difference between the GYE forum and live SA groups (where there are no rules about what people are allowed to say and/or share)... Dov writes:

When posting on GYE, the wide range of the crowd seeing the material pretty much ensures that some who read it will be hearing exactly what they do not need to hear. In contrast, in a closed fellowship/meeting there is more context.

In a recovery fellowship, we can share anything. From recounting my failures, expressing insane desires, stupid ideas, and say shekker. It is a share and we get the inside, out.

However, on GYE, there needs to be a degree of safety in the "shares". Who knows who is reading them? They may think this is what recovery is all about and get turned off (or "turned on", for that matter).

To me, it's like the Agudah shul where I live. You cannot go in there dressed in plaid and kahkies for shacharis on shabbos. You just can't. If you do once, nu. If you keep doing it something has to be wrong w/you, for everybody else is dressed yeshivish. It's weird. Not so in the chasidish/ba'al teshuvish shul next door. There you can dress any way you want and nobody will say boo. Others are there dressed weirdly too, some frum for many years. They simply do not care about external BS.

This bothered me once. Shouldn't a true Torah place (the Agudah shul, for example) be accepting of all yiddin? Well, it occurred to me that the yeshivish world is there mainly to uphold a standard. Even if it gets in the way of being sensitive and spiritual. They may feel that if they do not uphold this standard, who will? They do not feel as reb Shlomo C used to, that the deeper you bring jewish joy into the gutters with the yidden there, the better. Nu. To each his own, or as they say often in AA circles, "live and let live". I daven in the Agudah sometimes too, just to keep my head cool and remember that I am at best, a complete idiot compared to Hashem, who apparently wants an Agudah shul right here!

GYE is a bit of both those worlds. To some there, it is all about "what's right". It shows the way - and it has to. To others, it is mainly a safe place for lust/sex addicts to go for help. Nu. It's tough to do that on an open forum. So I guess they have to edit some stuff to keep a balance.

Let me admit there were things I was very uncomfortable about in some posts. What I usually do then, is just post that I can't read the thread any more, or will not participate in it. But I can't insult anyone (unless I feel sure that it will work for them!)... And I can't easily bring myself to edit in a recovery venue. It's just not what it's about to me.

Nu. Nothing and no one is perfect.

Hi, I'm struggling with hookup sites. Haven't actually met anyone yet but came pretty close until I realized it was a scam. I'm married with kids. Any help?

Hi! You are in the right place. There are many people here just like you, who have successfully graduated these struggles. I'd suggest opening up your own thread, tell us a little about yourself and our struggles (of course, without any identifying details) The boys here are all likeminded in seeking ways to correct the unhealthy behaviors. Stick around, listen to suggestions, get to know the boys, and beH you'll soon start seeing success
hatzlacha!

merryzebra74 wrote on 06 May 2024 16:08:

Do you need help for the struggle or are you in trouble with the scam and it help with that?

No BH realized before it was too late.

merryzebra74 wrote on 07 May 2024 07:00:

Lucky you. I hope it is a good learning experience (for you and for others here). 
Please stay around.

Yes it’s not if but when if we don’t take care of ourselves.