Hi everyone, I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember and been addicted to porn since 10th grade. I'm currently nearing 30, learning full time in a prestigious kollel and looked at as a respected individual. I've read through the handbook and even tried the 90 day journey thinking i was on the road to a speedy recovery. I even began exercising daily to increase my fulfilment in other areas. By day 12 however I saw one attractive woman in the street and felt my breathing literally shorten. It felt impossible to hold back and I subsequently gave in to my temptation. I got right back up and started over with more invigoration and more heartfelt davening. By day 14 I became irritable about something and the taavah immediately kicked in full force. I even cut afternoon Seder to go buy the cheapest tablet avail to hook up to my wife's WiFi box to satisfy my porn temptation (my wife's PC is password secured plus it has a very strong filter). I am ready to start my 90 day journey again but I desperately need some chizuk. What I thought was definitely in my grasp (I've gone at times for 7-8 weeks without acting out) seems much harder than I thought. I am determined to come clean and be the true Ben Torah everyone knows me as, but I need some encouragement and tips. Thank you so much !

Sholom aleichem YM,

You have come to the right place. Nowhere in the entire world and never since the world was created has there been such a gevaldigeh zach as GYE. Obviously, in shomayim they know what we're up against, so they granted us GYE to keep some sort of balance and bechira. Where else can you find and share with so many like-minded people who understand your issue ("been there, done that") and can offer you much chizzuk and ideas.

Although we all have much in common regarding this particular issue, but at the same time we each have our individual DNA defining our unique situation. So we each need to find what works best for us. If you haven't yet, you can start by reading the handbook, which contains everything you always wanted to know about this topic.

But in a nutshell, it has been said time and again by many successful veterans, that first and foremost we need to do realize that we are powerless against this scourge, and therefore we need to avoid all forms of lust. We cannot afford to take a peek at anything that may trigger us, and we also cannot afford to indulge in lustful thoughts.

If we stay vigilant and keep our distance from trouble, hopefully we will not find ourselves slipping and falling again and again.

And as our sages (and lehavdil the 12-steppers) point out: Even if we do all in our power, ultimately it is Hashem who controls the outcome. So we need to acknowledge Him and ask for His assistance.

And as you are aware, with Hashem in control nothing is impossible and nothing is too hard.

So welcome again and stick around.

Hatzlacha

MT

Welcome Y83! Nice to have you with us. Stick around. There is lots to learn here and to get chizzuk from. Keep reading and posting on the forum. I have some links in my signature that I found helpful.

Your story is far from unique. We are all in this together! We look forward to hearing more from you.

Welcome to the club bro,

You are definitely not alone. My story is not unlike yours. chashuve yungerman, marbitz torah etc. (blah, blah, blah)

I've been here since the day after Yom Kippur and even though I've recently cut back on my involvement, there is no doubt in my mind that GYE has saved my life.

Start your journey by posting, sharing your thoughts, getting to know some of the truly inspiring chevra here.

Have a peaceful Shabbos

Eli

Welcome dude,
The Taphsic method is really effective if you use it correctly. I'm sure it can help. ( It has saved me countless times.)
check it out guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/20-tools/item/tool-10?category_id=278

reallygettinghtere's right in that we all think we're the only person in the world like this but that is far from true. My story's exactly the same except I'm not in kollel anymore.

I think a lot of people with this problem try many times to quit. The difference between the successful ones and the unsuccessful ones is whether after a fall they get back up straight away or spend time feeling bad about it first.

The fact that you got right back up means that you will succeed in this. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll never fall again, but it does mean that if you keep on getting right back up, then over time you'll continue to improve until you are completely successful.

Thanks so much guys for all the replies. I feel like i have devoted fans right behind me rooting me on and that itself is very uplifting. I am ready to jump right back in to this battle. I hope to keep posting and am eagerly awaiting any more replies.

yungerman83 wrote:


Ayin roeh v'ozen shoma'as...



We're all (t)here for you

Hi Yungerman83
first thing don't beat yourself up because you are in a prestigious kolel, and therefore should know better, I too have been there done that,
Now is the time you can change, and I thought this is staying with me for the rest of my life, well the guys here will tell you, don't think about the rest of your life, it's today you need to worry about, be clean for a day, today, one day at a time. And Yes it can be done.
Just like when you got stuck on a Tosfos or a difficult Shach, this works the same way, if you push yourself the Sky is the limit.
I have surprised myself that B'H I can look away from that billboard on the way to work, or that woman in the street, when a few months ago I wouldn't think twice at looking, and yes this helps in all areas.
Shmiras Enayim is key. I also had every Shmiras Enayim Sefer going, kept one in my tallis bag, they may have worked a bit but not for long, but this works if you let it.
Hatzlacha Rabbah
May we all have a real Kabolas HaTorah
Israel

welcome to gye.
keep on trucking.
devote some time to work on this every day.
hatzlocha

I just signed on to GYE a week ago. I was desparte. I am also in kollel and we had k9 and such and anyone with half a brain can figure out how to get around it and I also have been to Best B to get a tablet.
This is the first week I have been clean (actually 5 days) in a long long time (since I got married). By the way I got the Venishmartem filter for my computer I feel alot safer with it. For myself lately I tried to fill up my day with as many chavrusas or learning as I can. My free time I make sure to schedule when my wife is home. It helps me alot reading the words of chizuk from everyone here and I make sure to read it for half an hour a day (its the mussar seder that I always skipped). I'm looking forward to hitting that 90 mark to see if I really feel different or not. U know maybe if you find a few of us in the same picture we can try to do this together.
Hang in there and keep on davening

Welcome rotze! Tell us more about yourself. Keeping busy helps for the short-term, but if it's just a way to keep distracted, it won't help for the long-term.

We are here for you. Keep posting!

Let us know what you are doing and how it is working. If it's not working, you can tell us that also. We are all here to help each other.

Rotze, it was so uplifting hearing how similar our stories are. You sound very determined to get through the 90 day journey and iy"h you will. Even if you fall, don't get discouraged, just bounce right back. I fell twice already but i refuse to listen to the satan telling me "you see, you can't do it." With Hashem's help we will both persevere. I will have you in mind during davening. I had a little different approach though in how to spend my time. I actually cut down in my out of seder learning hours and instead filled the time with recreational activities. I started biking every day, ice skating once a week, playing with my son more often, etc. I have found that enjoying the great gift called LIFE that Hashem has given us in a recreational way can be very fulfilling and in no doubt takes my mind off the fantasy life called lust. This issue right now is more important to me than my learning and Hashem knows i am doing it lishem shamayim. Please keep posting as i would love to hear more about you and correspond with you, and together we can be mechazek each other and reach our mutual goal of taharah.

There is one thing I would like to bring up to everyone and hear their input and that is, I live in a densely populated frum community, and what triggers me the most is when I see frum women who dress in an attractive way. It has become habitual for me to try to catch a glimpse of a woman bending or sitting down as we all know this can easily reveal parts that are supposed to be covered. The satan is constantly telling me, "it's not pritzus to look at that because she's dressed and she's frum." When I visit some of my relatives who live in suburban areas with few jews, I have noticed that my taavah is almost non existent. Seeing attractive goyim is much easier for me to look away as I know they are totally not on the same page as me. So many times, I was having a great day when suddenly I saw a frum women bending into her car revealing skin and the instant rush of chemicals was too much for me to handle. Am I unique or do others share the same feeling? Any tips would help too as it is so hard to break this habit.

I have the exacty same probelm. Thanks for getting that out, I feel now one bit less alone. All the best!!!