So I am really happy to find this site after a friend told me about it. Boruch Hashem, my problem is not ongoing, but intermittent. But--when it's bad, its really bad. Of course, one problem is looking at Schmutz. The other is when I cannot look at schmutz, I will write about it. I have a very creative mind, and when I have a lust attack, I will engage it fully, sometimes for days, to the exclusion of everything else. The writing thing can even be more intense than looking at schumutz. The problem is there is no filter for writing.
I don't even know if there is a name for that. One thing that helps at least a little is when I finally feel that the lust attack has "played out," I will delete the 'fantasy stories.' So we're talking pages and pages of the darkest, most disgusting schmutz ever written, I say 'Shma' and poof! it's gone. Of course, if its really not played out yet, i'll just start another fantasy.
Is there anyone else out there who has suffered from this malady, whatever it is called? My attacks usually come about a month before Pesach and also in Elul. I guess the Yetzer Harah gets after me at the worst times.
That being said, I am so far 43 days clean. (since Pesach). -Dovid W

I can relate to such porn writing. I wouldn't do it for days at a time but it was a powerful experience for me. I used TaPhSic to stop doing it and I don't do it any more.
Keep posting.

Hi and Welcome.

As you accurately pointed out the problem is lust. This the common denominater we all suffer from. How we act out over it is less of an issue. The main problem is in the head.

I have a friend in recovery who never had a problem with porn or even masturbation. His acting out behaviour was to walk the streets, sometimes for hours at a time, trying to see if he could see anything "interesting" through peoples bedroom window.

I personally have some perculiar fantasies and triggers that i've not heard anyone else share that they have the same.

That can lead me to have inceased shame and be more isolated, even when i am in recovery with other people.

But today i understand that the problem is lust, and everything else ( fantasies, triggers and behaviours) is just a manifestation of the real problem.

WELCOME DW! I agree with MUK. The particular behavior isn't so much the issue, it's the attachment to lust. Stick around. In general, we have the same problem, just the details are a bit different for each person.

Thanks MUK, that puts some of my weirder practices into perspective, on the lines of your friend. It's a relief to hear this.

Nice to meet another writer. Not uncommon. I've spent years writing countless pages of stuff.

Filters are good, but if you feel you MUST have a filter in order to survive, in all probability, you plain and simply won't. We need to work on ourselves, our attitudes, our relationships and our middos.

Hatzlacha!

Hi DW, I know your brother Arthur, what happened to his nose?

Anyhoo, yeah, I think you've come to the right place and with Hashem's help you will become great.

Try chaneling your creativenes into Kosher Pulp Fiction here on GYE?
see A tale of a Giraffe and an Emu ~ by Lefty MacPhee

Yeah, I have kids, also. And I hate those darn anteaters, or whatever they're supposed to be. To everyone--it's a relief to see that others have this particular problem, but I see the Emes that it doesn't matter how it manifests. Its still lust and we have to wrest control somehow from the Yetzer. This is our journey. Hatzlacha to everyone engaged in this avodah. I have told several folks lately--that I once heard--I cannot recall the source, that before they came down from Shamayim, several of our greatest sages were given the option to live in our generation--the one before Moschiach. They said--NO WAY!!. Why? Because no one in history has had to deal with the temptations of our generation. they didn't want to be tested as we are. And so if we can overcome this--I have no doubt Moschiach is going to come!!!

Dovid W. wrote:


Another way of looking at it: I have no doubt Moschiach is going to come -- let's overcome this so that we can face him proudly.

MT

same sing