gibbor120 wrote:


ditto that

I want to thank Hashem for the tremendous chesed and rachamim he has had on me. There have been many days since my last fall when I felt I simply could not go on. I felt exhausted, depressed, very self-critical - the exact situation where I would almost certainly have fallen in the past. But Baruch Hashem, I was taught to let go and let God. I just cried out. I didn't try to muscle through, and I didn't try to pretend that I was too holy to even acknowledge such a disgusting yetzer. I davened to Hashem that he should help me get through the night, or get through the day, or get through the hour. Me, the yid that feels lonely, scared, and anxious. Me, the yid that went down the wrong path, and got stuck there. Me, the yid that secretly wants the glory of defeating the yetzer hara on my own and going on to claim more fame and glory. He always comes through, He is most faithful! And he accepts and loves me as I am. But he wants me to seek him out. If he just gave me everything without having to ask - nebuch, I would be lost. I haven't gotten through one day, one hour, one minute, without his help. Hashem, Father, please help me remember that I need you and only you when I feel desperate for relief.

In davening we say "rotzeh Hashem es yereav, es hameyachalim lechasdo." This line has troubled me, and still does. He doesn't want strength and might, or cleverness, or that stuff. He wants us to recognize that everything comes from him. What bothers me is it is hard to think of a human analogy. Usually, the greatest chesed is to help someone stand on their own two feet. But Hashem wants us to depend on him completely. Any thoughts on this?

Very insightful!! Shkoyach!!

There is a vort "Hashem yilachem lachem, v'atem tacharishune" Hashem fights the YH, "lachem" and considers it as if we did it!! "V'atem tacharishun" just make sure not to be stupid and go around thinking you beat it, just "keep quiet" from saying it was you, and acknowledge that it was Him!!

Intriguing question SD. I'll put in my 2 cents.

syataDshmaya wrote:

There is no human analogy. We are in fact totally dependant on Hashem for absolutely everything. Every breath, every movement, our very existence every moment of the day. Humans are just agents of Hashem. I think that's part of the reason it's bad to be a slave. "ki li bnei yisroel avodim" - v'lo avodim l'avodim. Everything ultimately comes from Hashem, but the true source gets masked when we receive from others.

syataDshmaya wrote:

The greatest chessed that Hashem does for us, and in fact the reason he created us, is in order to "earn" our reward. So, even klapei Hakadosh Baruch Hu - yes, the biggest chessed is letting us "do it ourselves"... kind of.

There is really no such a thing as doing it "ourselves" since ALL our power comes from HKB"H. The only thing we do ourselves is to excercise bechira, but even that ability is a pure gift that we do not deserve - by definition. (BTW - turning to Hashem for help is part of bechirah.)

Not sure if I quite answered it, but hopefully I've added some food for thought.

just found this gem guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/124072-Dov?limit=15&start=105#142304 .

Thank you Gibbor and Pidaini!

Maybe we could put it like this:

The greatest chesed is to give a person the means to earn their own livelihood. By humans, that means giving the person a job, which would result in his not needing to ask for more tzedakah. Hashem gives us this chesed. He allows us to earn our own "livelihood" so to speak. But instead of earning money for ourselves, we are earning a relationship with Hashem. The Ramchal says a person's purpose is "lehisaneg al Hashem v'lehanos miziv shechinaso." That is the greatest currency we can earn for ourselves. So when Hashem wants us to seek his kindness, He wants us to earn a relationship with him.

The emes is that everything comes from Hashem. His greatness is so great that if he only gave us chesed freely, we would not be earning our connection to him, and it would not be a relationship (it would be a one way street). By yearning for his chesed, we earn our livelihood, and enter in a relationship.

I was given a powerful insight by Rabbi Dovid Gottlieb about the above discussion. Needing Hashem's kindness and standing on your own two feet are not contradictory. Try standing on your own feet without gravity! More particularly,

You cannot exist and function without G-d

does not imply that

You do nothing at all.

The former only means you can do nothing alone, not that you do nothing at all.


This is crucial for me. Part of what makes reaching out to Hashem so difficult for me is the very same thing that makes me feel alone. The desire to accomplish, to achieve, purely on my own strength is self-destructive. It closes me off from the world, to the point where I get desperate and reach out to connect to something (porn) in a very unhealthy way. It is not only the case that I don't have to go it alone, but even more so, I shouldn't go it alone. I think I should try less to achieve, and more to connect. To connect with my real self, with others, and with Hashem. It is healthy to allow ourselves to be vulnerable - and its just a plain fact that we are vulnerable whether we acknowledge it or not.

Beautiful!