Hi, holy brothers.

I'm "Yitzhar" and I would love more than anything to get over my addiction. I've seen this site in the past but never got to into it. But I've become so desperate. I MUST break this thing.

So I'm glad to be here, but as I look at the website, my ADD kicks in and seeing so much, I don't know where to start. I feel like I need a "buddy" or someone to be in touch with about getting started, and charting a course. Is there anyone out there who could show me the ropes?

So much of what I've read here resontates with me, and seeing so many "victories", I'm jealous (kinas sofrim) and am looking forward to joining the ranks of tzaddikim here.

Thanks and Chodesh Tov!

-B'vracha,
Yitzhar

Welcome aboard!!
and since you're here you have joined the ranks already!!
It might be a good idea to let the oilam know where you're at (in your addiction) they'll be able to help you much better.
also try reading the handbook, it will be very very helpful!!
B'ruchim Habai'im Hatzlach Rabbah

Welcome Yitzhar!
check out this page for a good 'index' of sorts
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-Wall-of-Honor/116443-Links-of-gibbor120
wishing you much hatzlocha
zs

Pidaini wrote:
yes it help u clear things us and lets the olam know how to advice here are the questions Test Yourself

1.Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
2.That you'd be better off if you didn't keep “giving in”?
3.That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
4.Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
5.Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
6.Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
7.Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
8.Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
9.Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
10.Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
11.Do you keep going from one “relationship” or lover to another?
12.Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
13.Do you have a destructive need—a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
14.Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
15.Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
16.Do you lose time from work for it?
17.Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
18.Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
19.Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


Thanks for the advertising ZS! I hope those links still work.

WELCOME Yitzhar! I guess you already know that you are in the right place, but you don't know where to start. The most important thing is TO START. The handbooks are a good place since there are a lot of ideas there. You can get a sense of your level of struggle/addiction and what tools might work for you.

Post more about yourself here and the oilam can share their collective wisdom with you... or at least what has worked (and not worked) for us.

We look forward to getting to know you better, and to hearing good things from you!

So, people have asked me to post more about myself and my struggle.
I'm in my mid (feel like 15 though). I have SSA. I was married for 18 years when my wife passed away from the machala 8 months ago. We have 4 children. We had a very difficult marriage - well, what did I think? Did I think it would be easy? Some gedolim I spoke with told me to get married - everything would be okay. I'd been attracted to guys ever since I could remember.

In 8th grade, my biology teacher told us about when she first saw her brother masturbate and got scared when this thick sticky white liquid came out. That's when I learned about masturbation. And aside from 2 YEARS!!! that I was totally clean after going through hypnosis, it came back.

The internet has only made things much worse. I have a filter (Rimon) on my computer (but no accountability), but not on my phone. So get one! What a no-brainer! It's hard to imagine not having this quick, easy and cheap escape.

On the one hand, I can't imagine going the rest of my life alone. But on the other, unfortunately I have to say that, since my wife, a"h is gone, life is SO uncomplicated. Why would I want to go and re-complicate it? And what if it's as hard as the first one?

So, in desperation, I've come back and would really like to get serious about getting rid of this shmutz that's clogging up my life (not to mention my Olam Haba!) I have a problem sticking with things. Hopefully, B"H, with the help of all your brothers out there, I can do it!

Thank you!

Yitzhar, welcome aboard!

Know that you are not alone. Your story sounds so much like mine. I am about the same age and struggling with the same things. Until I found GYE I thought that there could not possibly be others like me. I was convinced that it was impossible to change and for many years wasn't even really making any effort to stop. Then Hashem led me here and I discovered the most wonderful and accepting group of holy Yidden who have become my closest friends. And I even found that I was not alone in being a Frum Yid with SSA trying to make it work.

Stick around and everyone will keep pulling you up.

Gevura!

Welcome- strength to you, and my condolinces on your wife,

now be a man and CHUCK THE PHONE INTO THE EAST RIVER!

(i know it's not easy or simple, but maybe talk to a rav who is responsible and loving who will guide you (you'll feel a big weight off your shoulders)

May Hashem bless you chaver!

Remember hashem is all-powerfull and can provide us with better highs than we can imagine.

Welcome,
I'm also in my late 40's, and only get sober about 4 years ago.
The GYE handbook is a good place to start.
The other good place to start, which you can do without any complicated reading, is to commit to guarding your eyes in all settings. Don't look at women. No part of them. Live or in any form of media. Tznius or otherwise. (Unless you must for business.)

OK, done? Now stop fantasizing. When the fantasies and images come, start davening immediately, telling Hashem that you surrender your lust to Him and beg him to take it.

Congratulations! Now you're sober. See -- wasn't that easy?

BTW, you might want to remove some potentially identifying detail in your original post.

Welcome and hatzloocha!

Alex

I just read "The first day of the rest of my life" and was confused most of the way through; At the beginning, it talks about Yerachmiel being caught being naughty with a boy from another Yeshiva, but the rest of the story seems to be saying that he's working on having been with many other girls. Which is it? Well, I guess he could go both ways, but that didn't seem to be the issue. I guess it doesn't really matter that much, but from the beginning of the story, I was able to identify with him more than the rest of the story.

By the way, what's this "karma" thing I see under everyone's name?

It occurred to me that it might not be women you're checking out.
If so, then whatever your lust object is, stop staring at it. You have to talk to men, and you need friends, but you don't have to look at men walking down the street.

The karma thing (which I don't care for) is a way for people to see how well liked they are. Anyone who's registered can click either + or - to increase or decrease a member's "karma." S'meint gornisht.

Have a wonderful Shabbos Kodesh.

Hey Alex,

I just increased your karma .

Have a good shabbos all!

Gibbor