Hi,
My name is Moshe First I want to apologize cause I don't speak nor write good english, I wish you can understand me.
I really don't know how to start, I feel my life is a disaster, Hashem has been so kind with me but I keep disappointing Him with my behavior.
Since I'm 15 (or maybe before)I been having a secret life with incorrect sexual behavior, I was not shomer Torah U Mitzvot cause I didn't grow in a religious family, Then when I was 20 years old I discover the Torah Baruch Hashem and started been shomer some Mitzvot, I became Shomer Shabos, Kosher food, study Torah every day and I was feeling so happy. But I couldn't deal with the sexual bad behavior, not only that, it became even worst.
I married a beautiful and kind woman, she wasn't too religious but with the time she has been grow a lot
My wife looks up at me and also my parent, my in laws, friends, and even Rabbi´s , they all think I am a tzadik. I feel like an impostor, they don't know who I really am. I scared cause maybe they going to find out one day, and if not, I know in the Olam Ha Va is going to be so much shame when they all find out.
I know Hashem is have been giving me many chances because he loves me and don't want me to get totally lost.
I tried to stop many many times... then I just find out I am an addict.
I wish with all my heart that GYE system can help me, I feel is my last chance, I'm scared
I pray Hashem can help me to recover myself and be close to Him, I feel far away for Hashem and that's to harmful
I'm not ready to confess what is exactly my addiction, I stared 2 days ago with the 90 days program and I feel hope but fear at the same time.I feel the necessity to talk with someone and tell all the truth, someone who can understand me , who can guide me, but I feel so ashamed even in anonymous.
Thank you for reading

Dear Moshe (or Thanks Hashem),

First of all Hashem is not disappointed with your behavior, He put you in this situation to actually become closer to him and not to feel far away from Him.
Please realize that you didn't choose to become an addict, you weren't even frum when you started, and addiction is beyond our control once we're in it.

So because Hashem loves you he sent you to GYE to get chizuk on your addiction, and to see that all of us are struggling with the same issues. Keep coming back to read other posts for tools and advice on how to get rid of the illness. You can start with the GYE Handbook guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/gye-handbook.

The main thing is to keep in mind that there is a solution, if nothing from the book works you can resort to work the 12 steps on a phone conference.

Jump into recovery, and you will see that the miracles will come.

Good luck & Siyatta Dishmaya

Welcome and enjoy.

Post here, post there, and you will certainly get somewhere.

Recovery is perhaps the only thing in the world that can compare to lust and sex in it's pleasure and satisfaction.

It works if you work it, if you work it your'e worth it....

All the best!!!

Chaim

welcome moshe welcome to the path of recovery with its ups and down

Hi Moshe, welcome!
you are not alone, please stay and post and read and get to know the people and ideas here. you will only gain.
wishing you much hatzlocha
zs