Hi everyone,
I'm not at forums person at all. Not on any website.
I turn to your community because I have decided to open up to a larger community of people that understand my issues.
A little about my addiction:
I had my first loo at 16, it didn't come back to me until about 22 after I left Yeshiva and didn't have any structure left.
It has been on and off for years, with some good months. Now I want to go cold turkey.
One of my main issues with the program is; that during the good times, things are goo, G-d is great, I have no desire. It can all make a 180 degree turn in one hour. How do I control that turn around...?
I feel like I need something else to indulge, instead of .... during those phases of down.
Any suggestions?

What is an example of something that triggers the need?

I would say, it more comes to me as a second nature when I'm down and bored. When i'm busy and fulfilled, nothing really tiggers me.
Usually when I'm down, its just the thought of the place tat it takes me, the curiosity..

Is it second nature or do you get like an irresistible feeling?

I think it's a bit of both. It starts off as casual curosity and then breaks out into irresistable feeling that can't be stopped for anything.

Have you ever experienced that feeling, then someone walks into the room and you sort of stop thinking about it, or you think you are going to have to masturbate in order to go to sleep and then you fall asleep unintentionally?

nederman wrote on 05 Oct 2012 01:00:

Yes.

Yes,
It definitely helps, when a human walks into the room, the desire can disapate. Sometimes, I just wait untill he leaves to continue and sometimes it helps me get distracted.
About the other thing, once i'm in bed and I have a urge, it can be very hard to get rid of it. Not so easyto fall asleep...
Lately b'h Iv'e been good though. Even when i have a urge, I'm getting lazy...

stayrein wrote on 11 Oct 2012 15:18:


Great madreigah! Chazal say (Tana Devei Eliyahu Rabbah 10, Maseches Kallah 3) that one who uses laziness to refrain from sinning will merit to greet the Shechina.

Hatzlacha

MT

stayrein wrote on 11 Oct 2012 15:18:


Good. Hold on to those memories. You have a choice. Test that hypothesis and convince yourself that you can say "no" to the yetzer hara.

Just say no (where did I hear that before?).

I think I was too young. I had to look it up just now ..

B'h Hashem Iv'e been clean for two weeks now.
I have two obserations to make.
1. It also helsp, when feeling uptight and ready to surf online.. to take a dep breath, look around the room, observe the colors and try to smell the air as I breath. It helps to bring me back down to earth..out of fantasy alnd
2. After two weeks of being clean, I start to feel that I'm not addicted any more, sort of slacking off my retrain.