Hi,

I've been struggling with addiction to p**n and erotic reading for around 7 years now. I discovered the site a couple of months ago, and have been lurking in the forum, getting the daily emails, and reading the handbook. I've been having some success with the double taphsic method after falling a couple of times with taphsic. My wife heard me discussing it with someone a week ago, and its been a rough week since then but I'm clean so far... I'm hoping the reason this happened is Hashem helping me to really stop for good, if she hadn't found out the double taphsic may have petered out. I'm joining Dov's phone calls on Sunday and Wednesday about the twelve steps. I feel my lust addiction is a small part of a larger addiction to escaping from reality because I'm afraid of handling life's challenges - I get lost in computer games, science fiction or fantasy, and football very easily, and I hope going through the twelve steps will help me learn to deal with life.

While I think it's a positive step for you to join SA (as long as you go to the meetings and get a sponsor) you would be well-served to read Feeling Good by David Burns and Intimate Connections by the same author. Being aware of cognitive therapy as an alternative to SA may provide an exit strategy later if SA becomes no longer viable for whatever reason, or if you won't call your sponsor etc.

hi nederman,

I'm not planning on going to SA meetings right now, unless I see that the steps I'm doing now aren't helping. Right now I'm trying to get a GYE sponsor, and joining Dov's phone conference. I'm also going to continue renewing my nedarim for taphsic.

From the white book, p. 206: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program [..]"

If it doesn't work for you as expected consider the possibility that you didn't follow the instructions. Just something to keep in mind for the future.

Welcome [s]Y2K[/s] Y2BF

Sounds to me like you're committed to freeing yourself from lust and you have a reasonable plan A.

Full commitment is key. That means no sneaking peaks or fantasies here and there.

I agree that the bigger picture is, well, the bigger picture. Consider making a date night once a week with your wife where you can go out and just talk.

As was discussed elsewhere on this forum just today, getting sober is just the first step. Getting sober means stopping acting out (whether in your mind or in your pants). The next bunch of steps relate to recovery. For you in particular, this means getting out of yourself, out of your fantasy world and into reality. When we were young we learned to escape into fantasy for various reasons. As adults, although the reasons may no longer apply, the habit of escape is ingrained, and the addictions associated with that escape are even more deeply ingrained.

It will be a process, but one certainly worth the effort. The reward will be life itself.
Hatzlocha!
Alex