On what basis can I introduce myself, since I've been a member for almost two years? I'm relying on the leniency that since every day Chadeish Yameinu, then I can reintroduce myself everyday.

Anyhow, I concluded last July 2011 that my approach to sexuality was not optimal when I found myself spending inordinate amounts of time, money, and energy seeking out certain forms of gratification involving other women. In particular massages. I never did anything with these women that could result in STD so I've always maintained that my problem is not serious. Anyhow after a few (not so happy) endings, I realized I had to get help to stop this behavior. This site helped, and doing the interview questions I concluded that I probably had sexual addiction tendencies. Since then I resolved not to go to happy ending places.

That being said I found other outlets that were "kosher" in my mind, and that mysteriously resulted in my enjoying it too much. i.e. massages that would result in wasted seed. Again, never anything "sexual", just, due to I guess my own sensitivity, I end up wasting seed in these massages.

I kind of felt that the benefits of these massages outweighed the costs, but now things have gotten a bit out of control where I'm spending more time and money thinking about these things.

I've preached many times about the importance of submission to H", through bowing and prostration and it's strange how I've ignored my own advice in order to get my "rocks off". I've been so busy these past few weeks, no chance for meetings, or anything and it's results in obsession with relief.

Anyhow, late now. Just wanted to give the update to the chevra. I haven't done anything egregiously wrong, but it seems that my innocent escape has itself become the animal.

Kol tuv.

Welcome back. I can of relate to what you describe, I too have never gotten involved in porn or worse, just "simple" masturbation and staring at every woman I see.

But hey, the Torah forbids it all pretty much the same, and addiction is addiction, and lust is lust. So wer'e all in it together.

Hatzlochoh in your renewed journey!!!!!!!!

Chaim (ex. Mefatfait)

Edge,
Welcome back! Good to hear you're still on this side of the edge.
Nu. We've said this all before. Move further from the edge.
Massages are simply poison for you. Just like the Macy's flyer is poison for me.
This whole thing is much easier the further away from lust we stay. But you have to really be willing to give it up...

Hey Edge, nice to see you back!

Keep your truck in lane, the gravel on the shoulder is slippery.... :D

Thanks guys! nice to be back and feel welcome. I guess the general rules always give rise to the specific questions... which vary for each person. so everyone has to be on their path of discovery, which can take time? I mean, Chaim how far do you now have to veer from things to avoid MB? Avoid looking down there, quick showers... direct your will and eyes elsewhere. I hear Dov's voice saying, all that is the offshoot, the real problem is the connection to H".

I guess my issue Alex is that I don't wanna be like those guys cuddling up under a blanket in the corner, away from the edge, and thinking hey now they are cured. Or like the avoidance and the need to control others itself becomes the "addiction".

I do have to say it's good to be back and reminded of what I forgot... i.e. no to give in too deeply to the thoughts of failure and H' wrath against me but to turn over a new leaf and work on avoiding even the female regular massages. which is just so difficult...

I wish I could avoid M through not looking and cold showers. Hey, it hasn't worked for 10 years and I don't have the patience to wait more.

Lust is lust.

Chaim - so what are you doing? Praying?

I recommend reading Feeling Good by David Burns.

nederman wrote on 21 Aug 2012 01:05:


sounds like a plan! thanks.

R' Edge,

I like that, 'cause that's basically the bottom line of what I'm doing - "praying".

For more details, check our my new thread in the Breaking Free section: "Charlie's Change"

Chaim

ontheedgeman wrote on 20 Aug 2012 17:06:


Not cured, sober.

First and foremost, sober means not drunk. Zero blood alcohol level.

Tingling at the edge isn't sobriety.

Yeah, I'm a chicken when it comes to lust. My lust was once my pride and joy and happiness. My identity. Now I'm not too proud to curl up in the corner and beg Hashem to accept my surrender of the nisayon.

I wish I was cured. I wish I could enjoy a lingering gaze at a half-covered woman at work and not lose my sobriety over it. Not gonna chance it. I'm just not going through all that withdrawal and struggle again. I'll take this maintenance struggle.

Next issue. In active addiction, I felt the need to control people. In recovery, I've made progress in learning to let that go.

I understand what you're saying about avoidance becoming the new addiction. I don't think it's a problem. First get really sober, then worry about whether you've picked up a new addiction along the way. I find the view is different on the sober side.

Love you man. Keep at it.

Thanks Alex. Good words of chizuk. Regarding the avoidance becoming the addiction, that may be true for people in early recovery. maybe not later on, when as you say controlling others is less of the game.

Charlie - will check it out - thanks!

On a somewhat related noted, I had a "sobering" experience meeting with a life insurance guy recently. He told me about a product that costs $x per month, and in 20 years, it's mamash worth like over $1M. I thought, oh my goodness, I've been spending a large fraction of that every month for the past year on total waste and nothing...