So?

There are two sides to everything.

So?

dov wrote on 26 Jun 2012 20:42:


How true! I think I'll laminate that for my wallet.

MT

I think I'll laminate it on a Möbius strip.

Excuse my ignorance - I dunno what a Möbius strip is. But since "There are two sides to everything", make sure to put it on both sides.

MT

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%B6bius_strip

ayin sham

Gevura wrote on 26 Jun 2012 20:56:

;D

Great ha'aros Dov regarding how we utilize our wives in our struggles.
Now that I think about it, maybe there was a certain sense of wanting my wife to feel some of my pain (in some weird way) and not just to come out clean. Maybe there was that need for some company in the misery.
In any event, it has been very helpful for me in the process. She knows to be very careful about what is brought into the house and when we are at our in-laws who have tv's....she doesn't let me stay there alone without her.
Every situation and marriage is different.
We definitely need to clarify what are intentions are before getting our wives involved.
Thanks!

I know guys whose wives slowly become their yetzerhora police. It's horribly sick, leads to dependence on the wife and to the wife's anxiety about her man. Far worse than that, it leads to the wife starting to believe she is powerful enough to control and save her husband. Nobody can save anybody. Chaza"l say "ein apotropus l'arayos".

I have also met some guys who basically convince their wives that they need to be sex candy-machines for them, so that their yetzer horas will not get the upper hand, c"v. I have heard some rabbonim say as much, too.

And some kallah teachers have been known to teach that to their students. Gevalt. Now that may be OK for normals (the majority) - but it is tragic for the poor wife of a sexaholic. I personally think it is also sick and destructive, and a horrifying twisting of what the gemorah means when it says she is "matzilaso min ha'cheit". Gevalt. It is substitution of one sick dependency for another - if the husband is a sexhaolic (and that is not that common, but I know a few hundred, at least!). Instead of ruining the marriage by one-sided lying, it perverts the entire marriage. And in the end, it does not work, either!

So, hey there, didn;t mean to get so hot and heavy abt that. But got carried away....again...

gibbor120 wrote on 26 Jun 2012 21:24:


Hope you're not offended, but I try not to surf the internet unless is is extremely important (is it?).

MT

dov wrote on 26 Jun 2012 21:42:

No, I needed to hear this... Kol Hakovod.
Edit: I saw something along these lines in Shaya Ostrov's book "The Menucha Principle in Shidduchim, Dating, and Engagement". It really spoke to me, one of these days I will transcribe it to my post, BL"N.

Machshovo wrote on 26 Jun 2012 22:36:

Nope, not important. But in case you are curious.

The Möbius strip or Möbius band (UK /ˈmɜrbiəs/ or US /ˈmoʊbiəs/; German: [ˈmøːbi̯ʊs]), also Mobius or Moebius, is a surface with only one side and only one boundary component. The Möbius strip has the mathematical property of being non-orientable.

A model can easily be created by taking a paper strip and giving it a half-twist, and then joining the ends of the strip together to form a loop.

The y"h is really incredible. I mamesh spent the entire day in the beis medrash yesterday. I had a fantastic day of learning with no hava amina to slip, let alone fall.
Out of no where, I just started thinking. It was still pretty early, my wife was fast asleep and I just got an intense urge to go out and do something crazy.
I PM'd a few guys, still a little hesitant to pick up the phone and call.
Baruch Hashem, I got caught up in some work and by the time I was done, I went straight to sleep. As I was falling asleep, I felt like I was missing out on something that could've been awesome. But when I woke up, I had that sigh of relief when my son ran into my room and I was able to look at him in the eyes.....with no guilt.
Thanks guys.


I know, I know. I need to just start calling already and get over it.

Sounds like success to me....(beautiful!)

I am happy to say that I finally broke the ice.
I spoke to someone over the phone for the first time during a struggle.
Even if it was only for a few minutes, being able to hear another perspective on the matzav was beautiful and something I never experienced before.
I never invited someone else into that part of my life....but it was awesome.
Shkoyach Gadol to all you tzaddikim.
Iy'h we will continue to fight this together.

Avraham

Make it stick by repetition.