Scholem helige Yidden,

it took me very long to convince myself that I am suffering from a serious problem. I am mid-twenty bocher learning at a yeshivo in Europa. It was approximately eight years ago that I found the "pleasure" of hz"l I used also to look at shmutz in the internet but thanks to webchaver that stopped. Still I need help.
Two weeks ago I started listening to DuvidChaim's phone conference, I did not fall the days I was listening. But yesterday I felt strong and thought that I can control it on my own and missed the phone call -- I was nichshal with hz"l. But I still have hope and I'll continue the 12 steps phone conference. I have the GYE books and it is a tremendous help especially the attitudes section, thank you Raw Guard.

I choose the name YesodHayesodos as an allusion to the very first halocho in mishne tora "Yesod Hayesodos Veamud Hachochma..." the first law is that we have to know Hashem. But we all know the meaning of Yesod in the kabballistic sources. So it occured to me that real knowledge of Hashem requires shmiras habris / hayesod. Indeed the kabbalistic sources refer to the pgam of yesod (flaw of the covenant) as pgam hadaas, a flaw of knowledge. That may be our problem a problem of connection with Hakodosh Boruch Hu and also with human beings.

It is my sincere wish and will to reach this connection with our father -- sometimes I feel he is crying because of our pain. I am just at the beginning of a journey back to my real self -- I need your support. Once or twice a week I wanted to share my feelings and progress, chizuk whatever seems to be appropriate to help me and the GYE community.

Keep us posted on the progress. the phone calls are a great inspiration; make sure to pipe in with your comments and thoughts and shares... I hear it's essential.

Welcome the the kehila!

Here's my plan in a nutshell:
Guard my eyes extremely.
Guard my mind from fantasies.
Daven constantly.
Surrender my lust to Hashem.

Keep reading and posting.

Alex

Warmest welcome to to a tzadik Yesod

Sholom Alejchem, tayrer Yid!
Much hatzlocho on your jorney.




Hmm.. sounds as if I would write this lines...

Benzi wrote on 08 Jun 2012 09:52:


Hmm.. sounds as if I would have written these lines 30 years ago (on paper - there was no internet - but there was plenty of nisyonos).

Hatzlacha

MT

I recently joined the 90 days chart. And I'll post on http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=5416.0, iyH. 8)