Hello everyone the first time here

Hello PHM, congratulations on taking this big step.

You say "pleasehelpme". So tell us who are you (i.e. what's your story) and what help do you need?

Hatzlacha,

MT

i am married yingerman with lechtige kids
all my life i had so much trouble with this problem!!
when i found out about this place about 3 months ago it gave me a new mehalech in life and the mehalech helped i was completely clean 2 months but now i am back

Thanx for filling us in. And wow! 2 months is a great achievement by all standards. It's something you can look back at to show yourself that there is hope. If you can do it once you can do it again, and if you can do it for 2 months you can do it forever. But like thay say in GYE, on day at a time. If you haven't done so yet, please read the GYE handbook from beginning to end. You will surely feel at home there, and you will be"H find exactly where you fit in and what mehalech is good for you at this point.

Basically, we need extreme shmiras einayim and shmiras machshovo, i.e. we need to once and for all avoid all forms of lust. We need to realize that we can't do it without Hashems help, and we should daven to Him daily for assistance. And we need to remember that we only have the current day, and be"H we will make the best of it.

Hatzlacha rabbah chabibi - I am genuinely excited when I anticipate the success and happiness you will find through sticking around and using the many tools and chizzuk available around here.

MT

TY i just signed up to the 90 days chart LETS HOPE

Welcome brother!
What exactly is your "problem" that you need help with?
Share more with us, don't spare gory details, and the Truth will set you free.
And once we know your problem, we'll be able to offer specific advice, not just generic "keep on trucking, you're doing great, kudos on two months clean".
Myself, I've been married for many years, most my kids are teenagers, and I have masturbated my head off to internet porn prior to getting married as well as during the marriage.
I've not done any of that in the last 9 months or so, but it bleaks in comparison with thousands of hours spent porning and having sex with myself.
So I think it's not so much how long I stay "clean" for, as it is what I do in order to stay clean.
You can check out my story and journey here and here.
Hatzlocho.
I'd be happy to help you
Mottel

pleasehelpme wrote on 22 May 2012 16:35:


me too (though not so ying)




me too!




likewise!

Make Hashem your partner in this struggle. Speak to Him constantly about this, especially when the machshovos come. Don't check out your wife unless for immediate tachlis. Stay very clean. The cleaner you stay, the cleaner you stay.

Welcome aboard! Share some more of your story when you have time. Come here often. Make being sober your number one priority.

Alex

pleasehelpme wrote on 22 May 2012 17:09:


Welcome. We do hope. And we hope its way longer than 90 days. But hope alone will not do it. If i had to guess I would say you've been hoping for a long time to stop. Probably everytime you look at those leichtiga kids you say to yourself I hope last time was the last. And so far you've seem to have not had success. Well so how is this time going to be different? It's an uncomfortable but necessary question. Certainly one that needs to be asked if the hope will turn into a reality.
It's a little hard to give you some guidance without knowing precisely what your struggle is. So open up. One thing I can assure you, we are not much different from you so there is no shame. Wishing you much hatzlacha.

Welcome! We are here to help you and your lechtige kinderlach, I just want to elaborate a little about what Reb Mottel said:
obormottel wrote on 22 May 2012 18:10:

When we have a "problem" we have trained ourselves to avoid it, by flipping through magazines, compulsively searching the internet, and many other "forms of acting out", if we have a "problem" with "inyoonye kedisha", [ironically] we solve the problem in exactly the same manner, that's what we trained ourselves to do!
But if we sit down and say "chevra, at least twice a week I find myself compulsively searching the internet for 'stuff'." Then we can come to terms with the actual problem, and begin learning how to avoid it.
I think, if I'm wrong Mottel, please elaborate

I am felling alone you don't know what i am going past! i am so so mixed, and i cant find the koyaches even to think!

Baruyik zich, chaver, take a deep breath!
A half-dozen people replied to your plight here, most of us telling you that we relate ("know what you're going past") to your issues in some way or another.
Take any of the posts above, and address it point by point.
No need to think - just honestly answer the questions that were posed to you.
And if you think you're an exception - tell us that, too. Perhaps we do not "get" you, afterall.
So, nu, vat iz going on?

Instant gratification doesn't happen we sweat, we truck, we work.
On this site we sweat together, but we all sweat...
:-*

pleasehelpme wrote on 23 May 2012 17:15:


Alone in your struggle? If you are here you are not alone.
Alone in your marriage? Plenty of us can relate to that too.
Open up. It's anonymous. You won't feel alone for long and you'll discover kochos you didn't know you had.
Continued hatzlacha.