Gibbor - I don't know - mostly filters, attitude, and this forum.  But when this urge overcomes me I just forget about it all and nothing can get in my way.  I don't know what to do.

Thanks for sharing that I can relate to the feeling about everything going out the window.
Re the asher yatzar thing. Ask yourself this question which is spitting in His face. Not showing gratitude for your continued existence and working body despite the fact that you violated His will or showing Hashem gratitude for giving you another chance. If you answered the former ask yourself who do you think wants you to believe its the latter?  Hint his initials are YH and its not Yosef Hatzaddik. Continued hatzlacha

startingover13 wrote on 06 Dec 2011 00:35:

Stick around.  I'm sure you'll figure it out.  It can take some time, but keep posting, reading, etc.  You need to "do" something that actually works.  For me, it is speaking to people regularly, taking a phone class, doing step work.  Besides the obvious of having filters, shmiras aynayim, etc.  Never give up on yourself.  Your life is too precious.

Why do you think you have an addiction? I don't think you have an addiction. Just because you find it hard to stop does not mean it is an addiction.
This may seem like nitpicking, but it isn't. The way you should deal with it is vastly different if it is an addiction.

I think you should focus on the fact that since it is very hard for you, especially since you are used to doing it, and started when you were very young, that G-d is probably not extremely angry about it. And that G-d still loves you, and wants the best for you.
And that when someone loves you, they love you even if you have done something bad or embarrassing. And that G-d still wants to have a relationship with you even if you are doing this and will continue to do it.

Ben492 wrote on 06 Dec 2011 05:10:

Hi there, Ben.  Why do you say it is not an addiction?  What is your definition of addiction?  In what way is it "vastly different" if it is an addiction?

Ben492 wrote on 06 Dec 2011 05:10:
Dear Ben,

First, where did you ever get the idea that G-d does not love an addict as much as he loves anyone else? I see that He loves an addict probably even more than he loves many other people, simply because: look at where he has brought so many of us and our families! Clearly he decided to guide them to recovery while they were still on their knees in some bathroom somewhere masturbating to their porn - and he loved us desperate perverts enough right then to help us find what we really wanted: recovery and the good life!

The ongoing miracle that He has done for the families of five guys  can introduce you to, who I personally know started on GYE and eventually found real recovery, is amazing. New lives for them, for their wives, and for their children; freedom one day at a time from porn obsession - and from what is even more tragic than than porn obsession: fighting porn obsession. The self-centered, pseudo-religious romance that many addicts (and non-addicts) cling to in the 'valiant struggle' against their own lust is sad to witness.

G-d certainly loves the sex addict a lot,  even before he or she starts to recover.

Second, why should it matter whether He is "extremely angry about it", or not? If a person loses all the money they have, do they react by throwing their possessions out the window? No. They try their best to build with what they've got, to do the best with what they've got and at least live poorly. It beats dying of hunger.

So let's say I am destined for a lot of gehinnom for all the thousands of times I had sex with myself and all the acting out  I did with women real and imagined...so? Therefore what? Does any real person actually throw in the towel? Is all lost? Or do we do the best we can with what we have, from here on? The s'forim are full of resho'im who made good, even without evidence of any significant teshuvah! Posul? No one is posul to my G-d. Maybe to yours, but not to mine. Even lu yetzuyar that I am considered in Shomayim to be a true rosho, He even has a role for me in His Will. Just like you and all the other earthlings.

Would I throw all my furniture and clothes to the street because I lost my job and all my savings? No. Would I turn my back on my birthright as a human and as a Jew simply because of a stain I may be carrying - no matter how ugly it may be? No.

Finally, I agree 100% that just because a guy (or gal) likes to act out their lust and has a hard time staying quit does not mean they are addicts. I agree that the steps an addict is forced to take are vastly different than those a normal tempted person needs to take - and you wrote it so well.

But who said this man is an addict, but himself? Who are you or I to argue? I feel strongly that most of the people here are not addicts, at all, at least as I understand the meaning of the word. Normal people are not powerless, I believe. But some here most certainly are addicts, and they will not get better by wishing it away, by getting more self-esteem, or by "Teshuvah". But who are you or I to try to convince any person one way or the other?

Of course, if one is sincerely concerned that the label 'addict' means that G-d probably can't really love me, and/or that a sweet and good life is impossible now, then I can understand why they'd want to do people the favor of dissuading them of the idea that they are addicts.

Maybe you share my faith that those who really are addicts will, in the end, be forced to discover it. Maybe it is risky business. But, as with many mental illnesses, where do we draw the line and start allowing people to take the label?

I am not arguing, but rather, asking.

Thanks,

Dov 

dov wrote on 06 Dec 2011 06:26:


I forgot about that - "one day at a time."  I'm focusing on today right now.  Gonna try to make it through just today, with God's help. 

Hi
welcome to the forum. Hopefully you're reading the handbooks available here http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/ebooks/Guard%20Your%20Eyes%20Handbook%20July%202011.pdf
As for the compulsion to go on the internet whenever you find yourself with nothing to do, it seems you're talking about me.
My friend, a recovering alcoholic, confided in me that the toughest part of his recovery was finding the stuff to fill up the time that used to be filled up with drinking (or porning, in our case).
I found being on this forum of great value for this purpose alone.
Hatzlocho.
Mottel

Dear Starting Over,

      One extremely important factor in 'staring over", is to....................take a deep breath, and relax! What was..........WAS.
      You have now chosen to..........to STart OVer!  This means a new page, Daf chadash. Even though you are presently still being pulled and overwhelmed with your past, well, so am I. So what. This does and will not negate that fact that I have chosen to also Start Over. And, even if I mess up here and there, I can still start over, and over again and again. This is what Rabbi Nachman Z"tl teaches. HisChadshus. Each and every day, I will make a new beginning, and he said on himself that there were times that he took on to begin a new derech, and fell, and had to restart many times all on the same day!
    Relax, lighten up, loosen up, and let Hashem come in. He's the one that showed you that great shiur on Shabbos. He's the one bringing you back.
    One you have made the decision to Start Over, (and you have), then outside circumstances (a slip, slide, an oy) here and there can not erase it!
  You have been filled up with Lust, and when you give it up, your being is left with a huge void inside. This void needs to be filled up with something. Something to take the place of the garbage lust.  And, so remember. You yourself dear friend, came to the conclusion that this lifestyle is EFES, and B"H sh'lAsani Goy, and have "started over" to feel once again the feeling of kedusha. The kedusha of Torah, and Tefillah. This means that when you are once again feeling Taiva for Lust, it is not  your wanting or your believing that the Lust really IS good. It is merely the addiction. The sickness of this insidious illness.
  You have made a great start. Hashem Itchah!!1

Where'd the sweet dude go?