Shalom all,

Im new and thought i would introduce myself as it appears the key to success is talking...

I have stuggled with this paticular yetzer since my teens and have been trying to beat it for 3 years.

The best i got by myself was around 2 months, but since then i have struggled to make it to even the 2 week mark.

It is starting to really bother me as i would like to get married in the next couple of year but feel i would be wrong to go through the shidduch process until i can take control of this urge.

Thanks for listenning.

Welcome aboard 903!

There are loads of guys here in the exact matzav as you. You are lucky to be taking control of it now, and hopefully when you get married it will be a distant memory.

Meanwhile look around, browse the forum and read the handbooks (links below). There are many paths to take, but they all lead to the same goal. Find what works for you.

Wishing you all the best on your journey to recovery.

Gevura!

P.S. Below is the "Official Welcome"
b]Welcome to our community, you have finally come home![/b]

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

WELCOME!  You have come to the right place.  Dealing with this early in your life is a BIG plus.  Glad to have you aboard.

Gevurah,

The links were missing from your post.  I modified it to include the links.

Welcome A9!

So happy to have another chaver ready to join us in our battle against this ugly monster!


Anon903 wrote on 23 Nov 2011 18:30:

Talking can be critical to some.  But critical to all is extreme shmiras eynayim and constant, on-the-spot tefilla.  Here's the tefilla I use.  You can borrow it, modify it, or come up with your own.  It's based on the first few of the Torah 12-steps.  While acting as a true cry for Help from Above, it also helped me internalize new and somewhat difficult concepts.  I use it as soon as I detect a fantasy or image trying to land on my brain, or if I just feel temptation coming on (which was every few seconds in the beginning, much less now):

"Ribbono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.
Only you can restore me to sanity.
I turn my life and my lust over to your care and ask you to please heal me from this illness of lust.  I don't want to lust, I only want You and a relationship  with You and Your Torah.  Take my lust.  Please, take my lust.

I wish you much hatzlocha in your new journey.

Alex

All, thanks for your kind welcome's

Time to start this masa ... B"h for the last time

welcome!

Great that you are taking positive steps and you sound like a conscientious guy.

I used the 12 steps to get sober & B"H, it helped a lot.






Anon903 wrote on 23 Nov 2011 18:30:

Hi and Welcome,
you sound like a great fellow and i hope you stick around to give and get chizuk.
wishing you much hatzlocha
zs

Anon903 wrote on 23 Nov 2011 20:31:


I'm a one trick pony, so here's my one trick...would you consider starting this masa just for today?  and then take it one day at a time after that?

So welcome.  You are blessed already for having landed here.  Hashgacha pratis for sure. 

hatzlocho

Start with the handbook, if the easier things wrk for you, you can sae alot of time and effort.  If theyaren't enough then work your way through the tips untill you have a handle on things. being on the forum is not a cure, more of an addiciton in it's own right (blogging).

kol hkavod for posting !!
I kno w how helpful it is to be "online" and active
the less you feel alone the better you'll be
BUT....
you need to work hard through davening and personal thought about how to change you need for shmutz
remind yourself that its not good for you and every taste is a little bit of poison
its not about will power but about will
if you will yourself not to want shmutz you'll stay away
convince yourself that its not fun and its not in your best interest
good luck !!!!

Welcome.  i have been on board for a short time and it has helped me a lot.  Wish i had come to my senses 20 years ago when i was your age.  It says a lot about your potential and a lot about me as well.  As was already said, go through the handbook several times and find what you need to succeed in it.  Each of us is different but combined i can safely say we have seen everything and been through everything, 'ein chadash tachas hashemesh'.  We are here to help ourselves and each other.  Much hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov