Hi everyone.
I have been following GYE on and off now for almost 2 years and I think the time has finally come for me to open up.  I could really use the chizuk.  This is very hard for me.  My story is as follows.  It all started when I was about 13 and I was sleeping at my friends house.  We woke up early in the morning because he wanted to show me some pictures on the computer...need I say more.  B"H things never got out of hand for me probably because of the koach of busha.  I was always a great kid and people always looked up to me.  Someone once even remarked to me "Do you even have a yetzer hara?"  If only he knew of my struggles.  But when I say things never got out of hand it does not mean I didn't spent many an hour in front of the computer and TV watching and looking at things no one should ever see.  I mean that, externally, my life wasn't affected by it.  No one knows. I have had periods where I have been better, namely my years in Yeshiva with no internet access.  Although bein hazmanin was always a stuggle.  Then I thought when I got married it would all get better, but it didn't.  Actually got harder since I have more access to the internet.  We do have K9 which is pretty good, especially since I am not so computer savvy.  But even that is not fool proof and somehow I manage to find images I should not be looking at.  Shortly after I got married I heard about GYE and I visited and read many of the chizuk emails.  I have been attempting my own 90 day journey that has repeatedly failed.  But I recently decided that I cant do it on my own so I  signed up for the 90 day journey on GYE.  I had been going relatively strong...until today.  I had a major fall and I need to be more proactive to help myself reach my goal of purity.  My user name is my goal-SF794- Striving For 794 which is gematria of taharas einayim (assuming I did the math correctly).  I hope taking this step will help me in the right direction.  Thank you everyone in advance for all the chizuk.

P.S. I think I could use some help with my K9 . . .  [Moderator's Note: If there's a loophole in K9, it is better not to post it on the forum.  Contact the filter gabai for advice at filter.gye@gmail.com, or PM someone on the forum who feels he can give you advice].

ZC794 welcome. Your story sounds very similar to mine.  You mentioned that you have a filter may I suggest accountability software as well since it is obvious that a filter is not enough. Got to go. Wishing you much hatzlacha.

Sorry about your fall....

yasher koyach for realizing better and different methods are needed to pull you out. hatzlocho. if your fall is a jumping board to complete recovery, it may even be worth it. al tis'yayesh.

My friend Welcome.

Have a close look at the welcome package it may help you out tons...

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

WELCOME! and MAZAL TOV on taking the next step to real recovery.  We are here for you.

Hi SF and welcome!

I also didn't post for 2 years after first discovering GYE.

Let me ask you.  Would you say you're addicted to p*rn & lust?
If the answer is yes,
what are you doing now besides trying to exercise even greater raw self-control than before?

I have huge self-control.  But over this tayva I sooner or later succumbed.  Until I came here and discovered it was more than a tayva.  It is an addiction.  By adopting new tactics and treating it as the addiction it is, I have B"H remained clean.

Wishing you fabulous success
Alex

welcome!


SF794 wrote on 10 Nov 2011 01:37:

Thank you everyone for the chizuk! I haven't responded until now because one of the first things I did was block all internet access for a lot of the time.  Although this is definitely not the final step, it is a step in the right direction.  Thanks again. Chazak v'ematz!

Great!