Hello GYE
need help - have been sober for a very long time ........all of a sudden old urges that i thought were long gone are starting to rear their ugly head.

My story in brief

40+ years of age married with children - yeshiva upbringing - with slight periodic  deviations that im not willing to ascribe to anything that was taught in Yeshiva    head of a large business (money looser - but that's a story for another day) just had a major setback in business and major depressed because of it

with tremendous siyata dishmaya ivehad a very long period of sobriety - a few years worth.............now all of a sudden im expeincing old urges with intense ferociosness and im not sure that i will make out alive - if i have a fall that will mean literal and figurative suicide for me ......i cant handle the old pain ........PLEASE HASHEM dont let me fall

I like what i see here on this forum

humbly

Yochid Vonee onee

you wont fall

i am here for u

and we have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge family that is here for u

can u go 15 minutes at a time??

i will keep on top of u every 15

is that do able



i also can identify with every word you wrote

oy vei... what can i say - i hate when i see others that are in the same situation.

nice to meet you.

remember fall no way. But work on the steps before the fall. We cannot forget about the shmiras einaim and anxiety that brings us to a place of no return.

Try running to the positive vs. just escaping the negative.

Come join us for some chilling anytime especially when things are tense.

--hm

WELCOME! We're all here for you!!! I too have a period of sobriety, but I know that the Y"H never sleeps.  He waits in ambush for the right moment.

Don't act out - you won't die. It just feels that way right now.

im watching u

15 minutes!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still here - very tough 

im still heer

r u??

here is the part of my problem as i see it ......all of a sudden a tremendous coldness has enveloped me .... a coldness in my avodas Hashem that in the past always followed a fall......now the coldness is here before the fall ....the only secret that kept me sober was nonstop prayer to the Almighty to save me .....now the words don't come and when they do thy are  ICE COLD.... the heart shut down......kinda doomed gloom feeling.....

stranded and  drifting in an ocean of temptation

יחיד ועני

You are not completely frozen...the proof is that it bothers you and you are asking for help!

Go ahead and daven! say the words even if you don't feel them....Hashem knows that you want to try....he will open your heart.

I've been there too, I want to daven with feeling and I just can't feel. All the way at the very end, at the very last words, suddenly I feel it breaking through.....

Gevura!

focus focus on what you will feel like after the fall. Try to feel that way now and say there is no way I am goin there.

The coldness that you feel is part of your YH pulling at his last strings. Think of Iyov... David....

ninety

חודא ארובל שךםמע

ןצשעןמק גרןהןמע ש ישרךקט

גרןהןמע ש נןעעע כםםא

לקקקפ םמ ארובלןמע!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooops :-[

bardichev wrote on 13 Sep 2011 20:54:

I'm with Bard on this one.
One step at a time, friend, you'll get through it.
Make a fence for yourself: for example, promise not to act out until you do a certain thing (say a kapitel tehilim, call your wife, whateva). So you're not promising not to act out, just that you will preface it with something.
It's a good tool to have in your arsenal.
Hatzlocho, we're rooting for you.

bardichev wrote on 13 Sep 2011 20:54:


Im  not the brightest light bulb in town - what's he saying?

whats extremely humbling here is that b- besides the fear of falling, of not being up to another battle -erroneously and arrogantly i thought that i was over and done with the "BAST**D" - I had enough of "him" enslaving me of owning me- enslaving me to my נפש הבהמיות  - thought that I had it all figured out

some of my story
I live in an extremely holy area from a shmiras einayim perspective - recently i went on a vacation and was exposed to too much  just walking in the street - took of my glasses and all that - but was overwhelmed nevertheless - so i start blaming myself for going to this particular place for vacation - yet the vacation for me was  CRITICAL  pikuach nefesh probably wold of had a nervous - breakdown had i not taken this vacation ....came back from vacation FREEZING COLD - FRIGID in my spirituality.....

can anyone relate to what im describing?

here i am now trying to get chizuk