Here come the Men In Black.......

I highly recommend Tzvi Fishman's book, "Secret of the Brit".  available for free online at www.jewishsexuality.com/opening-remarks

The book will guide you to a healthy, meaningful marital relationship with your wife, as well as teach you how to allow your strong feelings to serve Hashem overcome your strong feelings to sin.

Hatzlacha!

Is the whole book available there, or just chapter headings, it was a little confusing for me to figure that out.

Oh sorry, I thought the whole book was there.  If not, you should be able to order it from that site.

hows it going blackbigday?

Blacky,

just take 5 minutes a day and do hisbodedus. go to a beautiful place maybe.

BTW, did you do any meditation mamesh, or just hisbodedus?

black bigday wrote on 14 Sep 2011 19:53:


For the third time!  ;D

milehashem wrote on 15 Sep 2011 05:23:


milehashem- do us all a big tovah and give over a gem you took away from that sefer- especially about intimacy and kedusha.

kidushashem wrote on 15 Sep 2011 13:11:


I think the deep hisbodedus is a form of mamesh meditation, when it is done right.  The world is yeish m'ayin.  When we start with all the yeish that we are struggling with, and get it all out there, and connect the threads running through our day- then that yeish is seen as comming from Hashem.  That yeish becomes the ayin.  This is the bitul ha yeish that leads to a connection with the ain sof.  I had a handful of experiences like this about 2 years ago when I started.  Then we , bh, had a beautiful baby, and my sleep went out the window.  I couldn't get up in the darkness for hisbodedus anymore, or at least that is my poor excuse.  This morning I woke up early and went to sit by the trees with the Lekitay Tefiillos to jump start my hisbodedus.  It was nice, but it wasn't the bitul ha yeis I have experienced before.

Yossi.L. wrote on 15 Sep 2011 12:59:


Wow - it feels so good that somebody out there cares.  Thank you for asking.  The problem with multiple postings is that people seem to respond to one of them, and things I post get lost in the shuffle.  Oh well.

I think I am doing fine.  I have not acted out since joining this forum a couple of weeks ago, and I feel like I'm flying high.  On the other hand, I'm scared it is a temporary fix from the new excitement of being here.  I have gathered from other posts that that is the YH, and to only be concerned with today, or even the next 15 mins., but still I worry.  It feels like no matter what I do, the beast is still in there.  It, or I, thinks something totally out there, and anything can set it off.  I don't know if that is every going to go away, but I can still stay clean, right?

At work there are times I have to talk to women, or see them here or elsewhere.  Where is the line? When is it called taking a sip?  Drinking alchohol is black and white.  Eating or lust is soooooo grey, and I can't wrap my limited, greying head around it.  Chime in.

dealing with the grey market, is allways high risk of getting cought, then you might have to pay very high taxes, and the whole profit just gets sucked in by the large fines, so be carefull there

black bigday wrote on 15 Sep 2011 22:36:


In terms of the workplace i have a very simple barometer as to whats appropiate and whats not. Ask yourself....if my wife was hear would she deem this inappropiate. That'll answer your question without to much deep thought. When you start making your own decisions about whats appropiate then you will inevitably fall. You are powerless. You need the help of others. 

black bigday wrote on 15 Sep 2011 17:53:


Do it again. You'll have put in work to get back to those experiences. Do it for the baby. Do it for your baby so she has an Aba who is a beautiful mentsch and who is spiritual and is gonna always be there to guide her and help her grow. The way you treat your Body and Soul will affect who you are. Who you are will affect your wife and children. You NEED Hisbodedus b/c that gets you high. If you're not high, your wife and kids won't get what they need.

Love

Goth,
I work with many young, attractive shiksas whom I lusted after until I started recovery.  I have to deal with these women now.  I have to talk to them and they have no problem getting right in my face.
First, this doesn't mean I have to look at them when I'm not speaking with them.  That's still completely off limits.  Second, I don't have to look at anything but their faces when we're talking.

What to do when we're face to face?  My radar goes off even before we start talking -- I am aware that this is dangerous.  I daven silently, asking for help to see only a person doing here job, supporting her family.  If she's married, I say to myself, this is someone's wife.  I keep the conversations to business.  I don't chat.  I'm not as friendly as I'd like to be.  So they think I'm not sociable, not cool, not so friendly.  It's a price I'm willing to pay.  This is my b'chol livovcha.

When the encounter is over, it's over.  I push her face out of my mind like any other image, and move on.  If I'm clean in all other areas of lust, this is do-able.

You'll find your way through this.
Hatzlacha!
Alex

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Yossi.L. wrote on 15 Sep 2011 12:59:


Fair enough - but it is the things my wife can't see, my mind, where the real sips are taking place.