To take what Alex said one step further though, an alky can THINK about taking a drink. For us, especially those of us for whom fantasy has been such a large part of our problem, the thinking itself IS the addiction. That's what makes this so much harder.

Gevura!

gibbor120 wrote on 09 Sep 2011 20:07:

Well said

Black big day,

I can totally relate to what your addiction to imagination. I am exactly the same. I feel so at home imagining myself as something, doing something, being somewhere... I love fantasizing about all kinds of possibilities. Lust is only one facet. I use my imagination just to space out, get out of boring/uncomfortable/irritating situations. It's a way for me to enjoy my life which for some reason, I don't know how to otherwise enjoy :'(

Recently, however, I've been having a tremendous turnaround. I have a very close friend and mentor who is teaching me about meditation. Meditation has completely transformed my life. I am happier, calmer and more serene that ever. My relationships are flourishing.
I strongly recommend that you try it out. A good book to get is Jewish Meditation by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan. I recommend though that you find somebody to help you implement what you read and give you encouragement. You should know that Breslov along with the rest of Chassidus, strongly emphasize meditation for davening and Jewish life in general.

Best of wishes!

KH

BTW, what's the story behind your name?

BlackBigday definitely is the most mysterious name on this forum

Gedalya Yumi Schwartz?

KiddushHashem-
I totally hear what you are saying about meditation.  I started Breslov hisbodedus about 2 years ago and it changed my life.  But then things 'got better' and I didn't do it as much and then I fell down again.  I attribute my fall to not doing serious hisbodedus.  My problem is schedule, I find it so hard to find a quiet time to sit and talk to Hashem in the dark, just Him and me.  With family and bills to pay, then I get tired and it doesn't happen (like, lahavdil, excercise).  I know, this is the most important thing to do in my life, and then I feel bad I'm not doing it........

What I gather from this forum is that once LA, you have to stay razor sharp your whole life, living in the solution.  Even after 6 months, or a year, stay on the forum and keep grappling with the issue.  Is that the idea?  Or do you graduate and go 'back' to being 'normal'?

About the name.... bigday is for clothes, not a big day.  Black Clothes.  The Gemara says to put them on when about to do an avievrah.  Why?  Different pshotim in the Gemara.  The one I am trying and hoping to go with is that by getting all goth you feel low, and this will take away your desire to sin.  That is how I feel about this kodesh forum- it's a bunch of slightly nuttsy guys dealing with this crazy tyvah.  By commserating, it helps the tyvah go down.  Black Clothes doesn't really have a ring, does it?  Thus Black Bigday.  I love you guys, you don't know (or actually maybe you do) how much you are helping me.  It's also been a lot of unexpected fun in the process.
What do I daven for?  To take the urge away?  As someone posted, chazal decided against this?  To be cured?  What about it being who I am, that it really comes from a positive midda that is cracked?

About the name.......  Bigday is for clot

Whoops- the last post got cut off.
Bigday is for clothes (Hebrew: Clothes of).  The Gemara says to dress in black before doing an avairah.  Why? Different phsotim.  The one I am hoping and trying to go for is that when you get all goth it brings you down and the tyvah goes away.  That is what this forum does for me.  It is a bunch of eirlich, striving, slightly nuttys guys trying to deal with this insane tyvah.  By commeserating, it helps me deal better and lower the tyvah.  I'm so thankful for you guys.  The chizuk has been way beyond what I thought I could get, and has been a lot of fun in the process.  That, my new friends, is the mystery behind Black Bigday.

Question about the comparison made earlier between LA and food addiction.  How do they do it?  How do they eat, which they must do in this world, when that IN and OF itself feeds into the addiction?  Figuring that out would help me understand how to relate to situations I must deal with (like being with my wife).

alexeliezer wrote on 09 Sep 2011 20:02:

alexeliezer wrote on 13 Sep 2011 15:12:


Replaying it in your mind later is definitely a trigger, and it's vaiter fantasising

Thank you Alex and yossi for the insights into intimacy with ones wife. I never heard it expressed so clearly

Yossi.L. wrote on 11 Sep 2011 22:15:


I got a kick out of your name the moment I saw it I used to use a variant of that name when i would anonymously search for porn to sort of rationalize that at least I was "wearing" my black bigadim.

Continued hatzlacha

U guys are way too frum for me 

Alexeliezer- YOU are the frum guy!  You're taking Shmiras Anayim 102: intimacy without lust.