In response to ninety days: I have no idea how he found out. I had every intention of keeping my identity secret. When I think back on it it could have been that I let out what city I was from but that was all (and it is a big city!)
I think that some people were very internet savvy at a time that I wasn't and somehow managed to connect my username with my email and it all devolved from there.

I have used the moniker holistic many times in the past. It relates to my profession and it's a word I've always felt was meaningful.

I am finding that I am more aware these days of the subtle beginnings of desire that (at first imperceptibly) become full fledged lust. I'm also more aware of how a sexual feeling in it's early stages can "just seem nice" and "natural" and how easily a rationalization can pop into your mind of just allowing it to continue. The paradox is that this beginning stage where lust doesn't seem so threatening is the only stage where it is (relatively) easy to say no to it. But let it go on and it just turns in to a deep hole with no escape outside of masturbation and orgasm.

So awareness is the key (at least for me). Maybe that's what Dovid Hamelech meant when he said (and I paraphrase out of ignorance) "I keep my sin before me at all times". Noticing all the times when it's just slightly there, it's mild, and learn to say no to it repeatedly at that point when it's easier...so that saying NO to lust becomes an ingrained habit. The more times lust presents itself the more times you get practice at saying no, and the more opportunity you have at doing a mitzva with true kavanah. That's where my challenge is right now

welcome brother into the home of the few the proud the GYE. we are all in this together so lets all grow with each others success and not look back at what happend before. 

holistic wrote on 26 Aug 2011 02:38:


Holistic,
This was so well stated.  I think many of us work on this but I've never seen anyone say it quite this way.  This early interception of lust, both in thought and in looking, has been one of the keys to my success.  This is really putting into practice the idea that we are powerless over lust and therefore our only hope is to avoid it.

You've just written the "how to."

Shkoiach!
Alex