Hi there. i have been following this website for a while, but its taken me a while to sign up.
im 30 years old, and been married for almost 2 years.
i guess marriage exposes things about yourself you never expected. about 6 months ago i realised i had a problem with lust and porn addiction. i had never even thought it was a problem. sure, i always knew it was wrong, but i never thought to explain it in terms of an addiction.
some things happened at work that i can explain later, but basically, i realised i had a real problem. one of the hardest days of my life was telling my wife about my problem with porn.
so, its been an uphill battle ever since, but i have a great therapist and my wifes support, and even though i do stumble occasionally, i have my sights firmly fixed on my goal, and i have no doubt that with Hashems' help i will make it through.
i chose this as my name because of the mishna from pirkei avos (chpt 4 mishna 1) eize hu gibor, hakovesh es yitzro.
it gives me strength to think i'll make it out stronger on the other side, a new man.

im looking forward to being part of this community of Giborei Chayil!

Hi Eizehu!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

E. ben Durdayah

Hi Eizehu,

welcome! I'm so happy for you that you found this site and are working towards change.
From my experience, one of the best tools on the site is the 90 day chart. You might want to look into it.

Besides for that, the 12 steps are a must read (I think that everyone in the world, addict or not, needs to read the 12 steps).

Most people make the mistake of thinking that they are different and can manage without a filter or they think that they are better off than other people here and they don't need to take any drastic steps or commitments. But they all learn sooner or later how wrong they are and everyone brings themselves to eventually take the necessary steps. I hope that you will make the commitment to learn from others and push the ego aside, sooner rather than later, so that you can NOW start the final battle and never fall again.
Just stay on this site, make friends, GET A FILTER if you don't have one yet (and DON'T LEAVE ANY LOOPHOLES - YOU CAN'T KNOW THE PASSWORD). Also get accountability software like webchaver.
I hope to see you at 90 days soon!

Love,

KH

bruchim haboim to this wonderful place.I am in almost the same situation as yours.

WELCOME!  The stories are all different, and they are also all the same.  Your in the right place my friend.  Come and stay, you will grow!

Eizhu welcome home!

this is a group of uphill climbers..

once your here there is no looking back..

I dont know what happened in your work place, however it seems like it brought you to the point to realize that you are in a battle that is bigger then you and you do need a army to keep it away.. Don't go at it alone! It took me quite a while to realize that.

Remember one thing- we look at our wrong doings as "just bad" not a problem until we see it in front of us when it gets exposed. You've been there and now you recognize the problem.. do not keep anything a secret because -" we are only as bad as our secrets"

share, post, and hang out with us..
Read the hand book and make sure to take ACTION.

With love- hm

hi and welcome,
sounds like you have a great team, wife-therapist- (and now) gye, many are not so fortunate. please keep us posted and let us share your success be'h.
wishing you the best
zs

wow. i really cant believe the support on here! you guys really make me feel welcome and part of a great chabura.

i must be honest, i had a bad night, so im back down to day one.
just to reply to some of what you guys said, i do have a filter on my laptop, one which i dont have the password to. we made it as airtight as we could. (my wife doesnt even have the password, only my therapist)
the one loophole though is my phone. i use it for work, so its hard to delete the web(its a blackberry) so i need to find a decent filter for that.
thanks so much guys! i really appreciate the warm welcome. one of the hardest things about this for me is the alienation. because of what it is and being in a frum community, its so hard to tell anyone and you feel all alone with ur problems.
anyway, i'm def a regular now!

oh yeh, one more thing. B"H i have had amazing support. i have been struggling with this monster for about 10 years now, never really admitting to myself that i had a real problem. when i finally had to confront it, i went to a therapist who deals with lots of jewish addiction cases(all kinds) and told my wife early on.
thats been another incredibly trying nisayon, the effect this has on my wife and my marriage. i mean, almost debilitating!
anyway, thanks again guys. i cant tell you how much this means to me.

It's always amazing how our wives stick by us after the amount of pain we have caused them.  They are the true nashim tzidkanios!

Welcome Eizehu!

It took me 30 years to discover I was an addict.  The system works.  Stay plugged in!
If there's any way, ditch the blackberry.  Practice shmiras eynayim like your life depends on it.  Not just the digital stuff.  Everywhere.

No turning back now! Shteig on!

Alex

There's some kind of program that's available through this site that will disable the browser on your BB while leaving everything else intact. I can't remember the link right now, maybe someone has it?

Gevura!

heuni memass wrote on 04 May 2011 20:22:

#1 is what I was referring to. Thanks

It says b'shveel nashim tzidkoniyos nigalu yisroel from mitzrayim,chazal say that the men were working so hard they had no interest or ability to have children(which is the way of building and settling g-d's world)and the woman would at ggreat risk go out to their husbands in the field which was a dirty dangerous place and act as if they were in the security of their own homes and thats how they would have children.
This is what has happened to alot of us we are in mitzrayim under the spell of a cruel addiction that is dirty and wants to destroy us.We dont have a real way of beating it maybe no interest and then our wives come along and at great risk to their sanity and wellbeing stick with us, and that is a great help to help us become functional and ve a part of settling hashems world.