I was pressed for practical steps I'm taking on the path to recovery. So here goes:
By way of introduction:
I've been a compulsive mast*****r since age 11 or 12. Started looking at internet p**n when it became available in my house, after being married for a short time. Can't tell you when viewing this garbage became addictive, but it's been years since I realized I have a BIG problem. I would come to shul to mincha with fresh stains on my pants, and people would ask me to be shliach tzibbur! The depression and anxiety, and feelings of hypocrisy! I don't have to tell you... I couldn't stop no matter how much I agonized over this. I installed BSAFE filter, and set my own password (dumb!!!). I took on hachlotois. I gave tzdoko, and even created a knas for myself of $180 for each occurrence (turns out it's a legit technique; I just did everything else wrong). All to no help. About a month ago I gave up on myself, and gave myself over to G-d's mercy. I wrote a tzetle to a Tzaddik and gave myself over to the Tzaddik. Within 1 week of the latter I saw a banner for this website on Arutz7. Ever since then:
1. I had my wife install K9 filter and hold the password. In addition , she restricted my internet access so that now when I finish work at 6pm, my internet shuts down, so I have no reason to aimlessly (or, rather, intentionally) browse the web after I am alone in the office. Even with filter, there is plenty room for mischief on the web for a sick mind, so I find this trick especially helpful.
2. I subscribed and now READ daily the Chizzuk emails (both lists)
3. I got myself on the 90 Day chart (day 9 as of today, YAY!)
4. I am half way through the Handbook and Attitude handbook. Found both of them extremely helpful and lucid.
5. I listened to Rav Reisman's shiur on Yirmiyohu. (Did it on 9 Av, thought it to be appropriate). BTW, R' Reisman is great; I've been listening to his MP3 shiurim for a long time now.
6. I am obsessing with this site now, reading what I can, taking part in the forum etc. I probably spend as much time doing this as I used to do the other stuff, which keeps me busy and I do it from home in the evenings, not from the privacy of my office, so it brings me back home...
On the spiritual side, I kept the fence I've already created for myself before: to go to the mikva after each occurrence, and in general to be particular ab. tvilas Ezra. I started learning a particular kuntreis on shmiras eynaim ( and once I know you better, I'll tell you which one it is), and plan on doing more of such reading. I also decided to keep my mouth shut in shul, if an argument of any sort ensues ( I am usually very vocal expressing my opinion), so that I learn to not have attention focused on me. Also, I promised (in that above-mentioned tzetle) to wear a hat every time I daven, bentch, say Birchas Hashachar, or Al Hamichyo. I think it should add to the additional yiras Shomaim I'm trying to instill on to myself.
What else? I apologized to my wife (for which I was ostracized by some on this forum); and I actively turn my head away if something comes into my line of sight that I know will bring me to hirhurim.
And finally, I am making this kabolo allehabo (Bli neder, it's not a vow just yet): before acting out the next time (should a time like this come, Hashem yishmerenu), I will put on my hat and jacket and say my kappitel tehilim. If I don't do it and act out, C"V, then I will pay 10 times the mikva fee the following morning (I've been pretty consistent with my mikva promise).
Your input is welcome. Please don't beat up on me too much, I'm still working out my sensitivity issues:)

wow amazing stuff.Kol hakavod lach you are really commiting yourself to getting clean.For me what really helped was living the reality of my lusting.Watching the pain in my wifes face realizing how I was using lusting to medicate my emotions,and most of all the realization that my whole system is wired in such a way that I will allways be vunurable to lust.So I must not beat myself up every time I look out of my daled amos or I stare to long at an ad somewhere,I just turn it over to hashem immediately.I say hashem whatever I am looking for in that woman may I find with you.
Only when I am living like this can I really have growth and connection to torah and mitzvos.I am sharing what works for me right now.

I've been trying to get clean for a long time, and by G-d's good grace found this website about a week ago. I think that at this point I am just trying to stop daily excursions into the underworld, and compulsive mast******g at a sight of tefach of skin. I haven't even begun searching for and fixing the underlying reasons for my problem. The streets of my city make me sick, I've come to a point of pulling over on the side of the road and "relieving" myself. I need ever-increasing filth. So I am concentrating on breaking the cycle of nefilla-charoto-nefila-charoto. Rishoyim mleyim charotois....I am looking forward, though, to one day when I can actually deal with my personality flaws that brought about the addiction. G-d help me and G-d help us all.

I did not focus on the begining of your  post.That is a great start.Does your wife know?.Reading your reply reminded me of the times when I would be looking in the  street for that lady that was dressed a little provacitively  or just really nice and that was my trigger to immediately go to a internet cafe and start my rollercoaster of acting out.You know writing this right now causes me to think what happened?why now this doesnt happen?Dont think for a second that I am cured I am still recovering from the addiction,but it is an andereh velt.
I think the one main thing that I had was  the want not to look at porn etc... because I experienced what it did to me;it made me lie, delusional, manipulate everyone around me and a disloyal husband and father which was paining my wife tremendously.Slowly over time things got more manageable.I see that you to really want to stop and I think you have a bright future ahead.

obormottel wrote on 12 Aug 2011 22:38:

So yeah, the wife knows. It is an andere velt once you come clean; I think I even walk more upright now.
mechazek wrote on 14 Aug 2011 18:30:

my sentiment exactly.

is obormottel read like one word are do you say obor mottel like mottel is your name and obor is when your mother wants to criticize you so she says what a good son you are obor mottel you didnt visit in a very long time.

Sounds like you are off to a running start.  Continued hatzlacha.  But I think you really hit it on the nose when you added that: 
obormottel wrote on 14 Aug 2011 17:03:


My only suggestion would be not to leave it to "one day" out there in the undetermined future.  Chap around now while the momentum is still strong.  Nobody likes to put themselves under the microscope.  So when we are all revved up is probably the best time to start.

One other thing to keep in mind.  It took us years to make this problem for ourselves, it will take years for us to solve it.  That's what life is all about.  So don't be discouraged by the occasional bumps in the road.  Much Hatzlacha.  I have no doubt you'll get to 90 days.  The key is to keep it going even after.  One trick is to stick around even then.

obormottel wrote on 14 Aug 2011 17:03:


Amein.

Mechazek: you put the biggest grin ;D on my face in weeks! Obor, Mottel, you're a shmuck... My name is mottel so I'll go by it. The username is a play on a word in another language, so it's pronounced as one: obormOttel. ;D

ur-a-jew wrote on 15 Aug 2011 18:55:

Agreed. I didn't really mean distant future, or even undetermined. I am still figuring out how bad of an issue I got. From The "GYE in a Nutshell" I gathered that I am at least at the fourth level. But since I've never tried systematic approach to this problem before, I cannot tell you that "I've done everything in the previous levels and still can't stay stopped".So I don't know (yet) whether "one day" I will need therapy, 12 steps, medication, etc. Please G-d, I should be able to deal with it by following through on the plan I detailed above. I think that once I know what it takes for me to "stay stopped", I'll concentrate on dealing with the underlying problems. But your point about momentum etc is well taken.
I am also familiar with the sentiment that  "It took us years to make this problem for ourselves, it will take years for us to solve it." An AA friend of mine once expressed it, and it stuck in my head. So I know I'm in it for a long haul. Also, once an addict, always an addict, isn't it true?

Question:
Does anyone have any experience with the Ten Keys to Breaking P**N Addiction book which is linked on the GYE website?
It's on sale by the author for $19.99 here https://ssl.clickbank.net/order/orderform.html?time=1313436364&vvvv=6c6967687477617665&item=1, but I was wondering if it adds anything to the Handbook and other material we have available free of charge courtesy of the Guard?

obormottel wrote on 15 Aug 2011 20:01:


It depends who you ask around here.  One thing I think you can be sure that the temptations from the world we live in are not going away until Moshiach comes so be prepared at all times.

Sounds like you are doing great.

If I can add one tidbit that I don't think you need now, but as time passes you might need more.
Maybe write down why you want to be clean and read it every day (or regularily at least). As time one can forget how terrible the experience of lusting was and start slipping back into it.

By writing down the currently strongly felt reasons it can help later on when the memory starts to fade

kosher wrote on 15 Aug 2011 20:53:

That's a great idea, I did something to this effect on another posting in this forum.

Just an update:
two weeks ago today was the latest time I did it. I'm still clean.
My wife got over the initial shock of my revelation, and is now firmly behind me.
I attempted to join an accountability group - but didn't get a confirmation yet. I'll try another group, if this one doesn't pan out, 'cause I feel I need it. (even though the filters are doing wonders, I got so many images in my head, that I can...etc)
I also asked one of the senior members for personal guidance.
Still turning my head away on the streets. Had a couple of slip ups in the last two days (one double-take, and one tripple-take), but I didn't dwell on the images, and yelled at myself once I catch myself too slow to avert the gaze. This is a physical struggle mamosh....
Had a major paradigm shift and an attitude adjustment in the last day or two, thanks (mostly) to dov, bardichev, zmirosshabbos. So that was good.
Made new friends here. That feels real good.

Way to Go!

Keep the Truck Rolling!!!


Gevura!